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General Humour Jokes Feed

Jokes In Category: General Humour

Why don't oysters give to charity?
Why don't oysters give to charity?
what kind of biscuits do pilots eat?
what kind of biscuits do pilots eat?
what do you get if you step on a poorly mouse?
what do you get if you step on a poorly mouse?
i was in asda today,waiting in the que,i had 3 trolleys full of beer and party food.and there was a little old lady behind me holding a pint of milk,i...
i was in asda today,waiting in the que,i had 3 trolleys full of beer and party food.and there was a little old lady behind me holding a pint of milk,i...
whats black and white black and white black and white??
whats black and white black and white black and white??
where do penguins keep there money???
where do penguins keep there money???
Heard about the new Korean cookbook?
Heard about the new Korean cookbook?
whats black and white and read all over ??
whats black and white and read all over ??
what do penguins eat for dessert?
what do penguins eat for dessert?
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
Q: What do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?
what kind of Bee's produce milk??
what kind of Bee's produce milk??
whats black white and red all over
whats black white and red all over
Ive been reading a book about glue.
Ive been reading a book about glue.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Why did the tomato turn red?
Why did the tomato turn red?
Paddy buys a chainsaw two weeks later he takes it back to the shop, he tells the shop assistant 
Paddy buys a chainsaw two weeks later he takes it back to the shop, he tells the shop assistant  "when i bought this chainsaw you said it would c...
a woman goes to the vet with her pet duck and asks the vet to examine it and tell her whats wrong. the vet looks at its eyes under its wing and at its...
a woman goes to the vet with her pet duck and asks the vet to examine it and tell her whats wrong. the vet looks at its eyes under its wing and at its...
what do u call a french man in sandles??
what do u call a french man in sandles??
A man walks into a pet  shop and says
A man walks into a pet  shop and says "Can I buy a wasp please?"
why did the sand blush?
why did the sand blush?
A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.
A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him. "Your trouble is probably ...
A man goes to the doctor.
A man goes to the doctor.
How do you get a sweet 80 year old woman to say b****rd!!?
How do you get a sweet 80 year old woman to say b****rd!!?
Q.What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes
Q.What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes
Why did tigger have his head down the toilet?
Why did tigger have his head down the toilet?
what do u call a fish with no eyes?
what do u call a fish with no eyes?
My grandad fell badly when he smeared his back with vaseline.
My grandad fell badly when he smeared his back with vaseline.
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really annoyed. 
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really annoyed. 
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager an...
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager an...
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
why are madonna and toilet paper so alike?
why are madonna and toilet paper so alike?
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look...
i went and bought a chinese takeaway  the other day, got back in the car and heard the bag rustle, i looked over and saw a pair of eyes looking o...
i went and bought a chinese takeaway  the other day, got back in the car and heard the bag rustle, i looked over and saw a pair of eyes looking o...
WHATS BROWN AND RUN AROUND YOUR GARDEN????
WHATS BROWN AND RUN AROUND YOUR GARDEN????
just been to the gym and theres a new machine . only used it for an hour as i started to feel sick . its good tho.it does everything , kitkat mars bar...
just been to the gym and theres a new machine . only used it for an hour as i started to feel sick . its good tho.it does everything , kitkat mars bar...
Man:  Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm the invisible man.
Man:  Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm the invisible man.
Why did the skeleton burp?
Why did the skeleton burp?
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Where do you find a one legged dog?
Whats pink and fluffy?
Whats pink and fluffy?
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
what do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
what do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
man: ''Doctor, Doctor, no-one understands a word I say.''
man: ''Doctor, Doctor, no-one understands a word I say.''
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter.
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter.
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he...
Late one night, a burglar broke into a house that he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he...
what do you call a sheep with no legs?       a cloud lol
what do you call a sheep with no legs?       a cloud lol
How do get an old lady to shout “Cow!”
How do get an old lady to shout “Cow!”
1. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbour’s bingo card.
1. Thou shall not stare at thy neighbour’s bingo card.
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Q. What do you call a man holding a gun?
Q. What do you call a man holding a gun?
Men are like a deck of cards:
Men are like a deck of cards:
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Took the mother-in-law out last night!
Took the mother-in-law out last night!
"Does your dog bite?" "No." (Tries to touch dog. Dog bites him) "Argh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!" "That is not my dog."
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fire. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.hahaha
Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fire. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.hahaha
Why did Tigger have to wash his hands?
Why did Tigger have to wash his hands?
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a pub , the barman said
An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman walked into a pub , the barman said "Is this a joke ?".
A man is at home with his wife when the doorbell rings...
A man is at home with his wife when the doorbell rings...
what goes oooooooo???
what goes oooooooo???
What do you call Fireman Sam on the dole?
What do you call Fireman Sam on the dole?
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?
Ten cows in a field. Which one is closest to Iraq?
What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
What was the name of the first Scottish cowboy?
how do you make lady gaga cry??????
how do you make lady gaga cry??????
This has been proven to be a successful diet for women: 
This has been proven to be a successful diet for women: 
Q: What is black and white and screams
Q: What is black and white and screams "YES! YES! YES!"
Q: How do you get a sweet, little old lady to say the F-word?
Q: How do you get a sweet, little old lady to say the F-word?
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said th...
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said th...
How do get an old lady to shout “Cow!”
How do get an old lady to shout “Cow!”
Two packets of crisps were walking along the road.
Two packets of crisps were walking along the road.
BINGO CALLER    ASK ME IF I'M AN ORANGE
BINGO CALLER    ASK ME IF I'M AN ORANGE
Why did Tigger look inside the toilet?
Why did Tigger look inside the toilet?
What do cows listen to?
What do cows listen to?
A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie. Genie:
A man who hated his mother-in-law got three wishes from a genie. Genie: "Whatever you wish for, your mother-in-law gets DOUBLE." First wish: "I would...
Will you remember me in a month? Certainly. Will you remember me in a year? Of course. Will you remember me in two years? Yes. Will you remember me in...
Will you remember me in a month? Certainly. Will you remember me in a year? Of course. Will you remember me in two years? Yes. Will you remember me in...
A Scottsman, a Chinaman, a Pom and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best.The Scottsman reckoned his was the best, because we g...
A Scottsman, a Chinaman, a Pom and an Aussie were in the pub debating whose country was the best.The Scottsman reckoned his was the best, because we g...
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another,
At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner.""Oh yeah, what happened?""I was putting out the f...
Mummy, Mummy , I don't like the cat.
Mummy, Mummy , I don't like the cat.
Why did the bacon laugh ?
Why did the bacon laugh ?
Where do ghosts make there beer ?
Where do ghosts make there beer ?
What colour is a burp ?
What colour is a burp ?
Where are pencils made?
Where are pencils made?
A family who were down on their luck moved to a new town and the lady of the house went into the local shop.
A family who were down on their luck moved to a new town and the lady of the house went into the local shop.
"My mother has a black belt in cooking" said Fred
WHICH BIRDS SPEND ALL THEIR TIME ON THEIR KNEES?
WHICH BIRDS SPEND ALL THEIR TIME ON THEIR KNEES?
Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
Q. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
How many politicians does it take to change a lightbulb?Four, one to change it and the other three to deny it.
whats yellow and goes cheep cheep cheep? a student at asda with a bucket on his head hahaha
whats yellow and goes cheep cheep cheep? a student at asda with a bucket on his head hahaha
Far away in a little village a man was being bothered by a rare creature .... it was so rare they named it Rarey. The Rarey burrowed into the man's ho...
Far away in a little village a man was being bothered by a rare creature .... it was so rare they named it Rarey. The Rarey burrowed into the man's ho...
My parents retired. So they have a lot off spare time and my mum said that she always wanted to play piano. My dad bought her a piano for her bithtday...
My parents retired. So they have a lot off spare time and my mum said that she always wanted to play piano. My dad bought her a piano for her bithtday...
What did the dog say to the constipated cat?
What did the dog say to the constipated cat?
see your face in a mirror & look like a angry.....so what ?
see your face in a mirror & look like a angry.....so what ?
i had a resident evil style dream last night......................................but managed to dodge the zombies and survive ..........................
i had a resident evil style dream last night......................................but managed to dodge the zombies and survive ..........................
how do you make a cheese puff?  chase it round the kitchen
how do you make a cheese puff?  chase it round the kitchen
what do you call a sheep with no legs? a cloud
what do you call a sheep with no legs? a cloud
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
i tryed to call you from a payphone last nite. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm n a leg!
i tryed to call you from a payphone last nite. i put my doner card in by mistake, it cost me an arm n a leg!
y r pirates called pirates........because they aarrrr
y r pirates called pirates........because they aarrrr
i had a dream last night i was fighting off the grim reaper with a hoover.......i  was dyson with death
i had a dream last night i was fighting off the grim reaper with a hoover.......i  was dyson with death
whats a pumpkins favourite sport? squash
whats a pumpkins favourite sport? squash
Two friends, both hunchbacked, used to meet every night in the pub. One night, when one of them was walking home he took a short cut through the cemet...
Two friends, both hunchbacked, used to meet every night in the pub. One night, when one of them was walking home he took a short cut through the cemet...
paddy wins £9m on the lottery. camelot say
paddy wins £9m on the lottery. camelot say "due to the credit crunch we're running low on funds. can we give you £3m next week and £...
A man is walking past a mental hospital and hears someone chanting
A man is walking past a mental hospital and hears someone chanting "Twelve, twelve twelve ...."
A vampire bat flies into his cave with blood dripping from his fangs. All his mates are envious and ask him where he got the blood.
A vampire bat flies into his cave with blood dripping from his fangs. All his mates are envious and ask him where he got the blood.
why did the banana go to the doctors?
why did the banana go to the doctors?
how do you make a milk shake?
how do you make a milk shake?
two dogs were walking along the road when one stopped and said, 'my name is fido, whats yours?'
two dogs were walking along the road when one stopped and said, 'my name is fido, whats yours?'
A man and his wife were watching TV when the doorbell rang. Hubby got up to answer it, he opened the door and a 6 ft cockroach punched him on the nose...
A man and his wife were watching TV when the doorbell rang. Hubby got up to answer it, he opened the door and a 6 ft cockroach punched him on the nose...
A rat catcher walks into a doctor's office.
A rat catcher walks into a doctor's office.
After a morning stroll the three bears head for the kitchen to see if their breakfast has cooled down.
After a morning stroll the three bears head for the kitchen to see if their breakfast has cooled down.
What do you call a man who's devastatingly handsome, humble, generous, sensitive, reliable and faithful ?
What do you call a man who's devastatingly handsome, humble, generous, sensitive, reliable and faithful ?
Why didnt the sailors play cards?
Why didnt the sailors play cards?
Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? ???
Santa Claus, one smart and one stupid policeman are walking together when they spot a hundred dollars on the ground. Who will take the money? ???
A young man comes out of the doctor's surgery and sits on a park bench next to a wizened, haggard old man. The old man notices the young man is lookin...
A young man comes out of the doctor's surgery and sits on a park bench next to a wizened, haggard old man. The old man notices the young man is lookin...
what do you call a man with a spade in his head???......
what do you call a man with a spade in his head???......
what sort of suit does a chicken wear ?
what sort of suit does a chicken wear ?
A pregnant jamaican women wakes up from a coma and she asks where her bump has gone. The doctor says ''you had twins. A boy and a girl. Youre Brother ...
A pregnant jamaican women wakes up from a coma and she asks where her bump has gone. The doctor says ''you had twins. A boy and a girl. Youre Brother ...
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, ...
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, ...
Paddy and the JigsawPaddy walks through town one day when he spots an interesting looking box in a shop window.He enters the shop, grabs the box and g...
Paddy and the JigsawPaddy walks through town one day when he spots an interesting looking box in a shop window.He enters the shop, grabs the box and g...
HELP.I'm at the local police station,I've been caught drink driving. Urine sample was positive, so i stole the sample.Now i'm being charged for taking...
HELP.I'm at the local police station,I've been caught drink driving. Urine sample was positive, so i stole the sample.Now i'm being charged for taking...
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't...
did you hear about the butcher who backed into the bacon slicer? he got a little behind with his orders.
did you hear about the butcher who backed into the bacon slicer? he got a little behind with his orders.
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender,
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, then ...
what do you call a sleepwalking nun? a roamin catholic.
what do you call a sleepwalking nun? a roamin catholic.
whats green and sits in the corner
whats green and sits in the corner
whats green and red
whats green and red
Two brothers, Tristram and Tarquin were sitting in a London club having a Pimms. Into the club strolls an American tourist who plonks himself at the b...
Two brothers, Tristram and Tarquin were sitting in a London club having a Pimms. Into the club strolls an American tourist who plonks himself at the b...
 A man moves to  a remote area. He doesn,t have a car and the nearest shop is 10 miles away.He runs out of dog food.So he walks the 10 miles...
 A man moves to  a remote area. He doesn,t have a car and the nearest shop is 10 miles away.He runs out of dog food.So he walks the 10 miles...
how do you make a snooker table laugh? put you hand in its pocket and tickle its balls. lol.
how do you make a snooker table laugh? put you hand in its pocket and tickle its balls. lol.
what do you get if you cross an elephant and a mouse
what do you get if you cross an elephant and a mouse
whats black,white and red all over
whats black,white and red all over
Waiter!!!  What's this fly doing in my soup?
Waiter!!!  What's this fly doing in my soup?
where do you find a one legged dog??
where do you find a one legged dog??
Two friends meet for lunch ... the waiter comes to the table and the first girl orders a triple cheeseburger with extra cheese, double portion of chip...
Two friends meet for lunch ... the waiter comes to the table and the first girl orders a triple cheeseburger with extra cheese, double portion of chip...
Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?
Why are there no aspirins in the jungle?
Lord Fantelyroy was having an argument with his friend about his upper class upbringing. The friend insisted that Lord Fantelroy had no idea how 'the ...
Lord Fantelyroy was having an argument with his friend about his upper class upbringing. The friend insisted that Lord Fantelroy had no idea how 'the ...
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How...
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, the pretty girl said, I would like to buy this material for a new dress. How...
EVER WONDA Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you don't ever see the...
EVER WONDA Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why you don't ever see the...
A Teenager is...
A Teenager is...
A man goes into the butcher and says:
A man goes into the butcher and says: " can I have a pound of KIDLEY"
A chap goes to the doctor and says he's having dreadful problems 'downstairs' ....
A chap goes to the doctor and says he's having dreadful problems 'downstairs' ....
Two vegetarians are chatting ....
Two vegetarians are chatting ....
How do you get five donkeys on a fire engine?Two in the front, two in the back, and one on the roof going EE-AW-EE-AW.
How do you get five donkeys on a fire engine?Two in the front, two in the back, and one on the roof going EE-AW-EE-AW.
A chap goes to the doctor suffering from terrible headaches. The doctor examines him and tells him that .. unfortunately, the only thing that will cur...
A chap goes to the doctor suffering from terrible headaches. The doctor examines him and tells him that .. unfortunately, the only thing that will cur...
A girl goes into a bakery and asks for a piece of
A girl goes into a bakery and asks for a piece of "Gat-ox"
What do you call postman pat when he retires?
What do you call postman pat when he retires?
What do you call a dog that shreds things?
What do you call a dog that shreds things?
did i like dummy another to it send retard a like this reading time sweet ur took u since.
did i like dummy another to it send retard a like this reading time sweet ur took u since.
What do you call a pig with a fork? pork
What do you call a pig with a fork? pork
A turtle was crossing the road when he was mugged by two snails.When the police came they asked what happened. I don't know  it all happened so f...
A turtle was crossing the road when he was mugged by two snails.When the police came they asked what happened. I don't know  it all happened so f...
Two big hairy builders decide to take an evening class to better themselves. They go to an open day at the local college and one of them sees a tutor ...
Two big hairy builders decide to take an evening class to better themselves. They go to an open day at the local college and one of them sees a tutor ...
There's an Irish man,an English man, And a Scottish man, and they're all standing on top of a building. The English bloke turns around and says to ...
There's an Irish man,an English man, And a Scottish man, and they're all standing on top of a building. The English bloke turns around and says to ...
There's 3 blokes, an English bloke, a Scottish bloke, and an Irish bloke and they've all sinned. They all decide to go into a church and tell the p...
There's 3 blokes, an English bloke, a Scottish bloke, and an Irish bloke and they've all sinned. They all decide to go into a church and tell the p...
I knew that I must be drunk when I started feeling sophisticated - and couldn't pronounce it
I knew that I must be drunk when I started feeling sophisticated - and couldn't pronounce it
What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
What do you get when you mix beans and onions?
Grumpy was feeling Happy ...
Grumpy was feeling Happy ...
tourist-could you tell me the way to bath please?
tourist-could you tell me the way to bath please?
a drunk had been brought before the court.the judge said'you have been brought here for drinking'.So the drunk turns round and says'greatwhen do we st...
a drunk had been brought before the court.the judge said'you have been brought here for drinking'.So the drunk turns round and says'greatwhen do we st...
Two men in a boat lost at sea. One of them finds a lamp in the corner and as he gives it a polish a genie pops out.
Two men in a boat lost at sea. One of them finds a lamp in the corner and as he gives it a polish a genie pops out.
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head.......cliff
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head.......cliff
why did the orange stop rolling down the road ???????because it ran out of juice
why did the orange stop rolling down the road ???????because it ran out of juice
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks....
A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks....
A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said,
A man was sitting on a bus chewing gum and staring vacantly into space. Suddenly the old woman sitting opposite him said, "It's no good you talking to...
A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked,
A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Say there, whatcha doin' with that pig?" "That's not a p...
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
why is six afraid of seven? The answer is seven ate nine.
why is six afraid of seven? The answer is seven ate nine.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common?A: They are both meat substitutes.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common?A: They are both meat substitutes.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a baby with blonde hair?
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a baby with blonde hair?
A couple were so hard up they decided the wife should go out and earn some money on the game.
A couple were so hard up they decided the wife should go out and earn some money on the game.
Where does a baker go for a night out?
Where does a baker go for a night out?
Jesus is on the cross and Peter is standing at the bottom of the hill .... Jesus calls out ...
Jesus is on the cross and Peter is standing at the bottom of the hill .... Jesus calls out ... "Peter Peter .." so Peter runs about a third of the way...
What did the ghost say to the bee?
What did the ghost say to the bee?
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn't see anyone so he opened it.
How many pre-menstrual women does it take to change a light bulb?
How many pre-menstrual women does it take to change a light bulb?
A man goes to the doctor suffering with constipation. The doctor prescribes suppositories once a day.
A man goes to the doctor suffering with constipation. The doctor prescribes suppositories once a day.
FINALLY 3 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
FINALLY 3 ANSWERS WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR:
An American farmer was on holiday in Wales.  He could not resist exploring the hill farms north of Aberystwyth.  At lunch time he drop...
An American farmer was on holiday in Wales.  He could not resist exploring the hill farms north of Aberystwyth.  At lunch time he drop...
two americans where having coffee in the longest  named town in wales when the girl was serving  one of the americans said to her were tryin...
two americans where having coffee in the longest  named town in wales when the girl was serving  one of the americans said to her were tryin...
man goes to the doctor with a lettece sticking out of him bum
man goes to the doctor with a lettece sticking out of him bum
Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them ...
Little Johnny was attending his first day of school.The teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them ...
 bird flying in the sky, drops some poo in my eye, i didn't cry, i didn't sigh, just thanked god that cows don't fly
 bird flying in the sky, drops some poo in my eye, i didn't cry, i didn't sigh, just thanked god that cows don't fly
got pulled over for speeding. the cop said
got pulled over for speeding. the cop said "I've been waiting all day for people like you" i said "well, i came as quick as i could". lol
An elderly man was driving on the motorway and his wife called him on his mobile.
An elderly man was driving on the motorway and his wife called him on his mobile.
One day an engineer died and went to hell. To pass the time he made lots of stuff like fans, escalators and other useful gadgets. God saw all of this ...
One day an engineer died and went to hell. To pass the time he made lots of stuff like fans, escalators and other useful gadgets. God saw all of this ...
want  to hear a dirty joke .....mud (ss 1 of my sons)
want  to hear a dirty joke .....mud (ss 1 of my sons)
whats brown and sticky........................a stick lol
whats brown and sticky........................a stick lol
dressed for success,not
dressed for success,not
better not plan on being a career criminal
better not plan on being a career criminal
im really over 21
im really over 21
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said,
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to...
An architect, an artist and a computer nerd each had a wife and a mistress and they were discussing them.
An architect, an artist and a computer nerd each had a wife and a mistress and they were discussing them.
man goe to the doctor with a hearing problem. The doc asks
man goe to the doctor with a hearing problem. The doc asks "can you describe the symptoms?" The man replies, "Homers a fat twat and Marge has blue hai...
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants?
Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
Q. What did the penis say to the condom?
25 irishmen were on a mystery tour when they decided to have a sweepstake to guess where they were going.
25 irishmen were on a mystery tour when they decided to have a sweepstake to guess where they were going.
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends. She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees. Th...
One day this girl, who is wearing a skirt, goes out to play with her friends. She goes to the park and meets a boy. They talk about climbing trees. Th...
whats black n white n red all over?    
whats black n white n red all over?    
A mother was struggling to get the ketchup out of the bottle when the phone rang. She asked her four year old daughter to answer it. She heard her d...
A mother was struggling to get the ketchup out of the bottle when the phone rang. She asked her four year old daughter to answer it. She heard her d...
WHAT DO YOU GET HANGING FROM A TREE
WHAT DO YOU GET HANGING FROM A TREE
wat u call a dog with no legs? ..
wat u call a dog with no legs? ..
what do you call a donkey with three legs?
what do you call a donkey with three legs?
 I often go to the park and wonder why a frisbee appears bigger as it gets closer... and then it hit me.
 I often go to the park and wonder why a frisbee appears bigger as it gets closer... and then it hit me.
what do you do if a bird phones on your car
what do you do if a bird phones on your car
what do you call a flower with no petals?
what do you call a flower with no petals?
MOSES
MOSES
what does a penis and a bible have in common?
what does a penis and a bible have in common?
doctor doctor, what can i do about my B.O its so bad, even i cant stand it why not trying a cloth peg on your nose like the rest of us
doctor doctor, what can i do about my B.O its so bad, even i cant stand it why not trying a cloth peg on your nose like the rest of us
There where 2 men in a bulding site. 1 of them said can you help me find my ear The other man said is this it The other man said no, mine has got a pe...
There where 2 men in a bulding site. 1 of them said can you help me find my ear The other man said is this it The other man said no, mine has got a pe...
There was this old woman who heard a song called
There was this old woman who heard a song called "Two Lips and Seven Kisses." She called up information after hearing the song on the radio to get the...
3 men walk into a bar. After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick...
3 men walk into a bar. After they drink a couple of beers they are ready to leave, but the bartender won't let them unless they have 12 inches of dick...
A lady was sitting on a park bench minding her own business when she saw a man in a big mac approach her .. as he got nearer she could see a huge bulg...
A lady was sitting on a park bench minding her own business when she saw a man in a big mac approach her .. as he got nearer she could see a huge bulg...
a wife has pmt she says to her husband
a wife has pmt she says to her husband "do you want dinner?" he asks "whats the choices?" the wife snaps back "aye or f**kn naw!!!!!!"
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:IndubitablyInnovativePreliminaryProliferationCinnamonTHINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN Y...
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:IndubitablyInnovativePreliminaryProliferationCinnamonTHINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN Y...
Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then ...
Drunk walks into elevator, no elevator there, falls five stories down, lands on the bottom. Lies there a few seconds, slowly opens his eyes,and then ...
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads:
A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends ...
Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice ...
Why it's better to be a Woman! 1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice ...
started a new job today in a music shop 2 day. A scouser came in and asked  do u have anything by the door's i said yes an alarm & 2 security...
started a new job today in a music shop 2 day. A scouser came in and asked  do u have anything by the door's i said yes an alarm & 2 security...
how do you make lady gaga cry ? you poke her face
how do you make lady gaga cry ? you poke her face
how do you make lady gaga happy? just dance
how do you make lady gaga happy? just dance
what do you call a sheep with a machine gun???
what do you call a sheep with a machine gun???
why does a squirrel lay on its stomach !!! to keeps its nuts warm
why does a squirrel lay on its stomach !!! to keeps its nuts warm
what has no legs but runs                 a tap
what has no legs but runs                 a tap
why did the pig run away from the pigsty? because he felt like the other pigs where taking him for granted
why did the pig run away from the pigsty? because he felt like the other pigs where taking him for granted
a rubbishman saw that someone didnt put out there bin. so he goes to the door and knocks loudly. after a minute a window opened from the top end of ...
a rubbishman saw that someone didnt put out there bin. so he goes to the door and knocks loudly. after a minute a window opened from the top end of ...
boy asks his mum
boy asks his mum "is it wrong to have a willy" she says no, why do you ask? boy replies, COZ DADS IN THE BATHROOM SWEATING LIKE MAD TRYING 2 PULL HIS ...
A worried father confronted his daughter one night.
A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it.""Oh no, Daddy,"...
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sa...
what do you call an irish man that flys a plane?........ a pilot of cause
what do you call an irish man that flys a plane?........ a pilot of cause
how do you wake lady gaga up?........poker face
how do you wake lady gaga up?........poker face
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Why couldn't Cinders use horses to pull the Pumpkin Coach?
Sidney, with his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started the experiment with the bull frog, and ...
Sidney, with his 12-year-old sister Sophie in tow, caught a large bull frog in a local pond. Sidney started the experiment with the bull frog, and ...
Two guys in a pickup truck were driving home one day, when they see a dirt road that was big enough for only one vehicle. They debated a while whet...
Two guys in a pickup truck were driving home one day, when they see a dirt road that was big enough for only one vehicle. They debated a while whet...
10 games for old age pensioners
10 games for old age pensioners
There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the h...
There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the h...
It goes in dry and comes out wet, The longer it's in the stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag it's not what you think it's a tetly...
It goes in dry and comes out wet, The longer it's in the stronger it gets it comes out dripping and starts to sag it's not what you think it's a tetly...
2 packet of crisps walking down the road a man stops and says would you like a lift... they replyed no thanks we're walkers
2 packet of crisps walking down the road a man stops and says would you like a lift... they replyed no thanks we're walkers
My wifehad gary from autoglass round this arternoon he injecteded his special resin in her crack.
My wifehad gary from autoglass round this arternoon he injecteded his special resin in her crack.
paddy asks murphy the fastest way to dublin murphy said r u walking or driving.driving he says well thats rhe fastest way then
paddy asks murphy the fastest way to dublin murphy said r u walking or driving.driving he says well thats rhe fastest way then
An Italian applies for a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question, the foreman said. Witho...
An Italian applies for a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here's your first question, the foreman said. Witho...
If you have a green ball in your right hand and a green ball in your left hand, what do you have? 
If you have a green ball in your right hand and a green ball in your left hand, what do you have? 
Amy Winehouse bumps into James May at a charity do and asks, Wat do u do? May replied, I do Top Gear. Wicked Amy says, ill have 4 grams please ;-)
Amy Winehouse bumps into James May at a charity do and asks, Wat do u do? May replied, I do Top Gear. Wicked Amy says, ill have 4 grams please ;-)
wots black white black white black white
wots black white black white black white
Two parrots sat on a perch. One says to the other ' can you smell fish? '
Two parrots sat on a perch. One says to the other ' can you smell fish? '
Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like ever...
Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX, to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like ever...
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, the...
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too cold, the...
three men stand on a building to compare penis sizes 1st man drops his and it goes down 2 floors 2nd man drops his says haha mine goes down 3 floors t...
three men stand on a building to compare penis sizes 1st man drops his and it goes down 2 floors 2nd man drops his says haha mine goes down 3 floors t...
The Way To A Man's Heart
The Way To A Man's Heart" What the quickest way to a man's heart? Through the chest with a sharp knife.
What is a fart?  It's a turd honking for the right-of-way!!!
What is a fart?  It's a turd honking for the right-of-way!!!
what looks like blu-tak, feels like blu-tak, tastes like blu-tak, but isnt blu tak? smurf poo
what looks like blu-tak, feels like blu-tak, tastes like blu-tak, but isnt blu tak? smurf poo
A blonde was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
A blonde was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
a woman pregnant with twins has a car accident , when she recovers she demands to know where her babys are, the docter says calm down your brother has...
a woman pregnant with twins has a car accident , when she recovers she demands to know where her babys are, the docter says calm down your brother has...
What did one snowman say to the other?
What did one snowman say to the other?
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
Mommy, Mommy! Why do other kids tell me I have a long nose?
A boy went to his grandfather's house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfath...
A boy went to his grandfather's house for a week. On the first night at dinner he found a thick, slimy goo on his plate, so he said to his grandfath...
A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, 'What's your name?' asked the chicken, 'Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?', 'Ken, Chick Ken.'
A chicken crossed the road and met James Bond, 'What's your name?' asked the chicken, 'Bond, James Bond. Whats yours?', 'Ken, Chick Ken.'
just realised Ninjas and Farts are comparable ... Silent but Deadly!!
just realised Ninjas and Farts are comparable ... Silent but Deadly!!
2 men find a mirror laying in the road Murphy picks it up  & says
2 men find a mirror laying in the road Murphy picks it up  & says "i know this face but  i cant put a name 2 it "
Why Studying Is Better Than Sex 10. You can usually find someone to do it with.9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick ...
Why Studying Is Better Than Sex 10. You can usually find someone to do it with.9. If you get tired, you can stop, save your place and pick ...
Afternoon Quickie Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie...
Afternoon Quickie Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie...
why did the fish blush?
why did the fish blush?
what u call cake thats ruined......upside down cake
what u call cake thats ruined......upside down cake
Three old guys are out walking. 
Three old guys are out walking. 
2 snakes in a zoo and one snake says to the other 'are we poisonous?' not sure said the other, 'why?' the other snake replies cos I've just bit me ton...
2 snakes in a zoo and one snake says to the other 'are we poisonous?' not sure said the other, 'why?' the other snake replies cos I've just bit me ton...
a man goes into a pet shop.'excuse me sir',he says to the assistant,'id like a puppy for my son please'.
a man goes into a pet shop.'excuse me sir',he says to the assistant,'id like a puppy for my son please'.
wats red and hairy ?
wats red and hairy ?
if it takes an hour to dig a hole how long does it tak to gig half a hole?
if it takes an hour to dig a hole how long does it tak to gig half a hole?
SINGING FROG
SINGING FROG
a man walks into a bar with a steering wheel ,the bar man says you've got a steering wheel in betwen your legs ,the man replies yes i know its driving...
a man walks into a bar with a steering wheel ,the bar man says you've got a steering wheel in betwen your legs ,the man replies yes i know its driving...
Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawy...
Generous lawyer A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawy...
A chap goes to the doctor.
A chap goes to the doctor.
what do you get when you cross a pig with a crusty pimple
what do you get when you cross a pig with a crusty pimple
You are camping. You have 1 gun with 1 bullet, and you see a lion and a
You are camping. You have 1 gun with 1 bullet, and you see a lion and a "bear". What do you do? Shoot the lion and drink the beer.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were in the jungle. They were taken prisoner by a tribe of natives.
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were in the jungle. They were taken prisoner by a tribe of natives.
Dead Goldfish   Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the chee...
Dead Goldfish   Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the chee...
i told my wife the other day that when i die i want my ashes scattered all over the bingo floor that way i know she will visit me at least 3 times a w...
i told my wife the other day that when i die i want my ashes scattered all over the bingo floor that way i know she will visit me at least 3 times a w...
boy:can i go in the sea mummy?
boy:can i go in the sea mummy?
"BIG PURP and SURFIE were playing Bingo. Big Purp kept looking over Surfies shoulder saying, you’ve got that number, mark it off, you’ve g...
There was a labrador, a dalmation and a doberman. they were all in a doggy bar and a girl poodle walks in. she said to the 3 dogs whichever one of you...
There was a labrador, a dalmation and a doberman. they were all in a doggy bar and a girl poodle walks in. she said to the 3 dogs whichever one of you...
what do you get if you cross a flea with a bunny?
what do you get if you cross a flea with a bunny?
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the ...
A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the ...
two cannibals are sitting eating a clown when one says'do this taste funny to you'
two cannibals are sitting eating a clown when one says'do this taste funny to you'
did you hear about the chemist being robbed?somebody stole 100 viagra pills.police say there looking for an hardened criminal
did you hear about the chemist being robbed?somebody stole 100 viagra pills.police say there looking for an hardened criminal
knock knock   whos there?  Norma Lee    Norma Lee who?   normally i use the dore bell
knock knock   whos there?  Norma Lee    Norma Lee who?   normally i use the dore bell
boy shouts 2 his mum ... MUM CAN U HELP ME.....mum shouts back ...IM IN THE BEDROOM DONT U SHOUT AT ME GET UP ERE AND SPEAK TO ME PROPERLY....boy walk...
boy shouts 2 his mum ... MUM CAN U HELP ME.....mum shouts back ...IM IN THE BEDROOM DONT U SHOUT AT ME GET UP ERE AND SPEAK TO ME PROPERLY....boy walk...
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a...
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus full of old aged pensioners when he is tapped on the shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a...
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it? Well, said the vet let's have a look a...
A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it? Well, said the vet let's have a look a...
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and te...
A old snake goes to see his Doctor. Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and te...
"Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?" asked the young lady from a nearby city. The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patie...
Whats Pink and Fluffy?
Whats Pink and Fluffy?
Whats Pink Fluffy and Blue?
Whats Pink Fluffy and Blue?
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was p...
A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for a few years.One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was p...
What do you get when you get a pig that can do karate?
What do you get when you get a pig that can do karate?
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00? Aghast, the man...
A neatly dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked Sir, would you like to buy a a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00? Aghast, the man...
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices ther...
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and notices ther...
why did the bacon laugh?... because the egg cracked a yolk
why did the bacon laugh?... because the egg cracked a yolk
why did the banana peel?.....because it didnt have any suntan lotion on
why did the banana peel?.....because it didnt have any suntan lotion on
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of ...
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of ...
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
Psychiatrist: What's your problem?
A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman,
A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, "I want a whisky and ............ water please."The barman says, "Why the big pause?"The bear says, "I...
I told my girlfriend i had a cock like a computer. she asked if it was coz it had loadz of RAM and a hard drive. Oh the surprise she got when she foun...
I told my girlfriend i had a cock like a computer. she asked if it was coz it had loadz of RAM and a hard drive. Oh the surprise she got when she foun...
Apple have scapped their plans for the new children's ipod after realising Itouch kids was not a good product name.
Apple have scapped their plans for the new children's ipod after realising Itouch kids was not a good product name.
Q: Why is Fred Flintstone a homosexual?A: Because he's always having a gay old time.
Q: Why is Fred Flintstone a homosexual?A: Because he's always having a gay old time.
sadam hussain sent his son shopping, he returned with shopping in a box, sadam said why you got it in a box son, he replyed that had no bagdad
sadam hussain sent his son shopping, he returned with shopping in a box, sadam said why you got it in a box son, he replyed that had no bagdad
A tourist, supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that th...
A tourist, supposedly on a golf holiday, stood in line at the customs counter. While making idle chatter, the customs official thought it odd that th...
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulli...
Two Kentucky men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulli...
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says
This guy walks in to a bathroom. There is a hole in the wall, and a sign that says "put your penis in here, we'll do what your wife does for you". So ...
whats the difference between chopped beef and pea soup.everyone can chop beef but not evryone can pea soup
whats the difference between chopped beef and pea soup.everyone can chop beef but not evryone can pea soup
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just...
60 Things Not to Say to a Naked Guy 1. I've smoked fatter joints than that. 2. Ahh, it's cute. 3. Who circumcised you? 4. Why don't we just...
A child was continually asking his Mom to buy him a hamster. When she did, the child looked after it for a couple of days, but soon he got bored, and...
A child was continually asking his Mom to buy him a hamster. When she did, the child looked after it for a couple of days, but soon he got bored, and...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my ga...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my ga...
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.  "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at ...
A woman rings her husband at work stressed, for the life of me i can not do this jigsaw it says on the box its a rooster it driving me insane, her hus...
A woman rings her husband at work stressed, for the life of me i can not do this jigsaw it says on the box its a rooster it driving me insane, her hus...
why was 6 scared of 7? because 7 8 9
why was 6 scared of 7? because 7 8 9
y did god give us 4 cheeks?cause he made an arse ov the first 2
y did god give us 4 cheeks?cause he made an arse ov the first 2
There are three girls going to a water park for the day. One is brunette, one is a redhead and the last is a blonde. When they get to the park, they s...
There are three girls going to a water park for the day. One is brunette, one is a redhead and the last is a blonde. When they get to the park, they s...
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pityi...
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pityi...
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replie...
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replie...
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that....
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Damn
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Damn
Did you hear about hte new French tank?
Did you hear about hte new French tank?
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said,
A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got ...
 How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?None. They screw in hotel rooms.
 How many televangelists does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?None. They screw in hotel rooms.
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals...
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals...
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender
A french fry walks into the bar and says to the bartender "Hay , could I get a beer please" The bartender looks at him shacking his head and say's "No...
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
Little birdies in the sky drooping things from way up high Mr Farmer wiping eye Thank gosh pigs cant fly
Little birdies in the sky drooping things from way up high Mr Farmer wiping eye Thank gosh pigs cant fly
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed ...
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed ...
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant.
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street,...
What swings from a trapeze and miaows?An acrocat.
What swings from a trapeze and miaows?An acrocat.
Every dog has its day, only a dog with a broken tail has a weak-end.
Every dog has its day, only a dog with a broken tail has a weak-end.
A guy walks into a dcotors office with a 5 iron wrapped round his neck and 2 black eyes.
A guy walks into a dcotors office with a 5 iron wrapped round his neck and 2 black eyes. "what happened to you?" the doctor asked "well it all started...
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies,
A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, "Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?" She ...
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.Someone dialed 911.When the paramedics arrived, they helped him reg...
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.Someone dialed 911.When the paramedics arrived, they helped him reg...
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor ...
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child.The instructor ...
Where is Felixstowe?At the end of his foot
Where is Felixstowe?At the end of his foot
Why did the man call his dog 'Sandwich'?Because it was half-bred
Why did the man call his dog 'Sandwich'?Because it was half-bred
Knock KnockWho's there?Avocado!Avocado who?Avocado a cold!
Knock KnockWho's there?Avocado!Avocado who?Avocado a cold!
Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked,
Little Johnny came downstairs bellowing lustily. His mother asked, "What's the matter now?" "Dad was hanging pictures, and just hit his thumb with a h...
Pregnancy Advice   A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and ...
Pregnancy Advice   A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and ...
Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
Q: Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? A: When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.
A very flat-chested Blond finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the shops in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale departme...
A very flat-chested Blond finally decided she needed a bra and set out to the shops in search of one in her size. She entered an upscale departme...
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin? Her first husband was in Training, ...
Did you hear about the woman who was married to a succession of three Microsoft employees and still died a virgin? Her first husband was in Training, ...
a woman just knocked on my door and had me talking about bread.......
a woman just knocked on my door and had me talking about bread.......
A robber walks into a bank and says to the teller,
A robber walks into a bank and says to the teller, "Give us all your money, or your...geography!" The teller says "don't you mean history?" The robber...
What did the elephant say to the naked man?How do you breathe through that thing?
What did the elephant say to the naked man?How do you breathe through that thing?
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other,
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
13 things pms stands for
13 things pms stands for
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he po...
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he po...
Why don't aliens eat clowns. Because they taste funny.
Why don't aliens eat clowns. Because they taste funny.
10 reasons computers must be Males    
10 reasons computers must be Males    
lying   Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says,
lying   Three men were waiting at Heaven's Gate. St. Peter says, "OK, guys, pretty much anything goes up here, but whatever you do,...
a lorry shed its load of onions police told drivers to pull over and cry at the hardshoulder
a lorry shed its load of onions police told drivers to pull over and cry at the hardshoulder
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. You don't want to try these techniques at home.Why not...
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. You don't want to try these techniques at home.Why not...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks late...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks late...
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results.
A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have...
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do any...
whats the difference between ..a rabbit and a hare.
whats the difference between ..a rabbit and a hare.
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation. 
Mickey Mouse is having a nasty divorce with Minnie Mouse. Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.  "I'm sorry Mi...
Q.    Where do you find a one legged dog? 
Q.    Where do you find a one legged dog? 
What is black and white and read all over
What is black and white and read all over
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?A Laughing stock.
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?A Laughing stock.
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed.With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter on the wall over the bed.With the worst premonition, she reads it, with trembling hands:"It i...
A bloke walks into a bar, says to the bartender
A bloke walks into a bar, says to the bartender "i dont have any money but if i can go outside and make that horse laugh will u give me a pint??".. th...
Q. What do Eskimos and  Tupperware have in common?A: They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do Eskimos and  Tupperware have in common?A: They both like a tight seal.
Paddy and Surfie were paling bingo,
Paddy and Surfie were paling bingo,
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable-
Being a good loser at bingo is considered admirable-
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes! :D
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion? A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes! :D
what did the traffic light say to the lorry?      dont look now iam changing
what did the traffic light say to the lorry?      dont look now iam changing
Wife says to husband
Wife says to husband "Shall i slip into something more comfortable to make you smile?" Husband replies "how about a coma" !!! lol
what do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a ginger bloke?...... A tattoo...... lmao
what do you call a beautiful woman on the arm of a ginger bloke?...... A tattoo...... lmao
why did the lobster blush? because the seaweed
why did the lobster blush? because the seaweed
Two fools stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.Af...
Two fools stand on a cliff with their arms outstretched. One has some budgies lined up on each arm, the other has parrots lined up on his arms.Af...
Claire was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they always have sex in the dark. Hoping to rid him of his inhibitions, ...
Claire was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they always have sex in the dark. Hoping to rid him of his inhibitions, ...
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license t...
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license t...
Knock KnockWho's there?Atch!Atch who?I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
Knock KnockWho's there?Atch!Atch who?I'm sorry I didn't know you had a cold!
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced
A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced "a typical Texas baby" weighing twenty pounds.Two weeks l...
Q: What do you call  a Mexican with a rubber toe?A: Roberto
Q: What do you call  a Mexican with a rubber toe?A: Roberto
 What do you call  four bull fighters in quicksand?A: Quatro sinko.
 What do you call  four bull fighters in quicksand?A: Quatro sinko.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party...Because he had no-body to go with
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party...Because he had no-body to go with
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his ...
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his ...
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims,
A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."Man: "W...
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?Mice krispies
What do cats like to eat for breakfast?Mice krispies
what do you call a gay dinousaur    
what do you call a gay dinousaur    
do you want to hear a corny joke
do you want to hear a corny joke
A pregnant woman boards a  bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seem...
A pregnant woman boards a  bus. After taking a seat, she notices a man smiling at her. She feels self-conscious and changes her seat, but he seem...
A blonde calls a pharmacy  and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weigh...
A blonde calls a pharmacy  and asks if she needs an infant scale to weigh a baby. The clerk explains that many women figure out an infant's weigh...
why did the squirrel scream coz sumone pinched his nuts
why did the squirrel scream coz sumone pinched his nuts
Q: What should you give an elf who wants to be taller? A: Elf raising flour.
Q: What should you give an elf who wants to be taller? A: Elf raising flour.
 Wife says to husband
 Wife says to husband "if i won the lottery wot would u do"? Husband says " i'd take half the money n leave u", wife says " brilliant. . . i got ...
how come oysters never donate to charity.......................................because there shellfish
how come oysters never donate to charity.......................................because there shellfish
In Bed    
In Bed    
Stuttering Problem A guy walks into his doctor's office and says,
Stuttering Problem A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, "Ddddoc, I've bbbeen sssttttuttering ffor yyears and III'm tired of it. C...
A seven-year-old tells his four-year-old  brother that they should start swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you s...
A seven-year-old tells his four-year-old  brother that they should start swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'll say 'hell' and you s...
A man frantically speaks into  the phone, My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!Is this her first child? the doctor...
A man frantically speaks into  the phone, My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!Is this her first child? the doctor...
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said,
Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks.After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tom...
Our son's the coolest. We named him Owen cause that's what we figured we'll be doing for the rest of our lives.
Our son's the coolest. We named him Owen cause that's what we figured we'll be doing for the rest of our lives.
at a party one woman says to the other
at a party one woman says to the other "arent you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger", the other woman replies "yes i am i married the wron...
What do u call 5 dogs with no balls?
What do u call 5 dogs with no balls?
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, You're not from round here are ya?No replie...
A Yankee walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says, You're not from round here are ya?No replie...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.I got to ask, sir, says the bartender....
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.I got to ask, sir, says the bartender....
husband and wife sit down for nice meal together, thconversation goes something like this. the wife says if you could have anyone in the world who wou...
husband and wife sit down for nice meal together, thconversation goes something like this. the wife says if you could have anyone in the world who wou...
A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says
A man goes to the doctors. The doc checks him over, and says "sorry mate, but you have yellow 24, a nasty virus, so called as it turns your blood ye...
PAT and MICK were playing Bingo.Pat kept looking over Mick's shoulder saying, you've got that number mark it off, you've got that number mark it off...
PAT and MICK were playing Bingo.Pat kept looking over Mick's shoulder saying, you've got that number mark it off, you've got that number mark it off...
I was driving past West Hams football ground and I noticed nine season tickets nailed to the gates. I thought to myself 'I'm having them.... you never...
I was driving past West Hams football ground and I noticed nine season tickets nailed to the gates. I thought to myself 'I'm having them.... you never...
Old Chinese proverb
Old Chinese proverb
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!" The guy, without ...
a bloke comes in from the pub and brings the wife some flowers and his wife says what do i have to do for these open my legs and the husband says why ...
a bloke comes in from the pub and brings the wife some flowers and his wife says what do i have to do for these open my legs and the husband says why ...
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother a...
For weeks a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.One day the mother a...
For all those men who say
For all those men who say "why marry the cow when u can get the milk for free" Heres an update for u! Nowadays 80% of women r against marraige,why? Cu...
A riddle for the dayArnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.Michael J. Fox has a small one.Madonna doesn't have one.The Pope has one but doesn't use it.Cl...
A riddle for the dayArnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.Michael J. Fox has a small one.Madonna doesn't have one.The Pope has one but doesn't use it.Cl...
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an ushe...
A mystery-lover takes his place in the theater for opening night, but his seat is way back in the theater, far from the stage. The man calls an ushe...
Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
Q: Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife?
I sent my washing to the laundrette the other day with a note saying
I sent my washing to the laundrette the other day with a note saying"use more soap powder on pants", washing came back with a note on it saying"use mo...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with...
 I was going to join the local Origami Club today - but they folded last week. :)
 I was going to join the local Origami Club today - but they folded last week. :)
 I've just replaced all the water in my husband's fish tank with Lilt.I wanted to make his goldfish more tropical.
 I've just replaced all the water in my husband's fish tank with Lilt.I wanted to make his goldfish more tropical.
how do you make lady gaga mad .......poker face
how do you make lady gaga mad .......poker face
3 sisters. ann jan and fanny all have very big feet ann has size 8 jan size 9 and fanny size 15. ann and jan go on a double date 1 of the boys says je...
3 sisters. ann jan and fanny all have very big feet ann has size 8 jan size 9 and fanny size 15. ann and jan go on a double date 1 of the boys says je...
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and ask...
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and ask...
englishman irishman & scotsman all discussing families. englishman says my son was born  on st georges day so we named him george.scotsman sa...
englishman irishman & scotsman all discussing families. englishman says my son was born  on st georges day so we named him george.scotsman sa...
got home n found the mrs dead in washing machine ,im so gutted........
got home n found the mrs dead in washing machine ,im so gutted........
what happened to the irish woman who ironed her curtains?.........
what happened to the irish woman who ironed her curtains?.........
A woman and man fell down a well, how did they get out?
A woman and man fell down a well, how did they get out?
man walks into a indian takeway ans says do you do deliver man behind counter say no we do de lamb de chicken and de fish
man walks into a indian takeway ans says do you do deliver man behind counter say no we do de lamb de chicken and de fish
whats black and whit but dosent bite ....    a newpaper
whats black and whit but dosent bite ....    a newpaper
i felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 men then dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled
i felt sorry for the hypnotist i saw last night. He hypnotised 7 men then dropped the microphone on his foot and yelled "FUCK ME" .......what happened...
Breaking news - snow white has been thrown out of Disneyland after sitting on Pinocchio's face singing 'tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
Breaking news - snow white has been thrown out of Disneyland after sitting on Pinocchio's face singing 'tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
What do farts and Enrique Iglesias have in common?
What do farts and Enrique Iglesias have in common?
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Q: How many lead guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
My budgie broke his leg today so i made him a wee splint with two swan vesta matches.  Aw his little face lit up! Mind you so did the rest of him...
My budgie broke his leg today so i made him a wee splint with two swan vesta matches.  Aw his little face lit up! Mind you so did the rest of him...
I was at a party last night and the DJ played 'Sit down' by James, so we sat down.  Then he put 'Jump around' and we all jumped around.  The...
I was at a party last night and the DJ played 'Sit down' by James, so we sat down.  Then he put 'Jump around' and we all jumped around.  The...
what do you get if you cross a giraffe with a brush ............................ a ten foot tooth brush
what do you get if you cross a giraffe with a brush ............................ a ten foot tooth brush
A fruit farmer hired two new workers for his fields, but before he sent them out for the day's work, he told them he had just one rule: don't steal an...
A fruit farmer hired two new workers for his fields, but before he sent them out for the day's work, he told them he had just one rule: don't steal an...
have you seen steve wonders new red car
have you seen steve wonders new red car
What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.  Nine A.M. came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home ...
What time does the library open? the man on the phone asked.  Nine A.M. came the reply. And what's the idea of calling me at home ...
Man walks into a garage and says ' Can I have some wiper blades for my lada. Garage owner replies 'Seems like a fair swap to me'.
Man walks into a garage and says ' Can I have some wiper blades for my lada. Garage owner replies 'Seems like a fair swap to me'.
one day a little boy got on a bus, he sat down and started to fidgit about a man beside him said
one day a little boy got on a bus, he sat down and started to fidgit about a man beside him said "whats the matter boy" the boy replies "im looking fo...
Woke up this mornign and there was an AA Van parked outside our house. the man inside was crying and beating his hands on steering wheel. he was deepl...
Woke up this mornign and there was an AA Van parked outside our house. the man inside was crying and beating his hands on steering wheel. he was deepl...
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a co...
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a co...
whats the diffrence between oooo and ahhhh?....about 3 inches
whats the diffrence between oooo and ahhhh?....about 3 inches
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
Ossifer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all t...
Five Englishmen boarded a train just behind five Scots, who, as a group had only purchased one ticket. Just before the conductor came through, all t...
my husband says i think the world revolves around me, i tell him , not true it revolves around the sun, and that shines out of my a r s e xx
my husband says i think the world revolves around me, i tell him , not true it revolves around the sun, and that shines out of my a r s e xx
Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of prunes?He's been on the run for the last month
Did you hear about the man who stole a truck load of prunes?He's been on the run for the last month
Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?He was found squashed under a shop
Did you hear about the stupid shoplifter?He was found squashed under a shop
paddy runs in2 the pub nd shouts 2 mick SUM1 STOLEN UR CAR!
paddy runs in2 the pub nd shouts 2 mick SUM1 STOLEN UR CAR!"MICK SAYS"DID UC WHO DID IT?"PADDY SAYS"NO BUT I GOT THE REGISTRATION!!!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?? FSHHHHH lol
What do you call a fish with no eyes?? FSHHHHH lol
What do you call a woman with one leg? - Ilene
What do you call a woman with one leg? - Ilene
knock knock whos there
knock knock whos there
what happens when you play table tennis with a rotten egg???
what happens when you play table tennis with a rotten egg???
what are two robbers called???
what are two robbers called???
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
paddy and murphy walking down the street when paady suddenly falls down an open manhole , he shouts up to murphy i cant seeanything throw me down a ma...
paddy and murphy walking down the street when paady suddenly falls down an open manhole , he shouts up to murphy i cant seeanything throw me down a ma...
why did jimmy white go to the toilet?
why did jimmy white go to the toilet?
a man goes to see a shrink naked,the shrink says
a man goes to see a shrink naked,the shrink says"well i can see your nuts"
i heard the other day marks and spencers and pound streachers are emerging  there calling themselfs
i heard the other day marks and spencers and pound streachers are emerging  there calling themselfs
knok knok whos there knok knok whos ther avon your bell is brocken
knok knok whos there knok knok whos ther avon your bell is brocken
i walked in to the living room the other day after finishing my dinner with my wife sat down at the computer and i called my wife over i asked her
i walked in to the living room the other day after finishing my dinner with my wife sat down at the computer and i called my wife over i asked her "wh...
WHY?
WHY?
whats black red and white?
whats black red and white?
A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel.She doesn't know which one to getso she just grabs one and goes over to the register.There is a Walmar...
A woman goes into Walmart to buy a rod and reel.She doesn't know which one to getso she just grabs one and goes over to the register.There is a Walmar...
I bought a wooden car that had wooden wheels and a wooden bonnet.Trouble is it wooden move.
I bought a wooden car that had wooden wheels and a wooden bonnet.Trouble is it wooden move.
i HIT dracula.he was out for the count
i HIT dracula.he was out for the count
whats the definition to beans on toast
whats the definition to beans on toast
"knock knock"
A man is sitting in a pub when he hears a bowl of nuts on the bar say ' Oh you are handsome, your really amazing'
A man is sitting in a pub when he hears a bowl of nuts on the bar say ' Oh you are handsome, your really amazing'
how do you confuse an irishman?
how do you confuse an irishman?
what do you get when you cross a pig with a dinasaur??? jurassic pork!!!!!!!!
what do you get when you cross a pig with a dinasaur??? jurassic pork!!!!!!!!
My budgie broke his leg today. So i made him a wee splint with 2 swan vesta matches. Awww his little face lit up !Mind u so did the rest of him coz i ...
My budgie broke his leg today. So i made him a wee splint with 2 swan vesta matches. Awww his little face lit up !Mind u so did the rest of him coz i ...
Paddy says to mick
Paddy says to mick "Can u help me with this jigsaw, its meant to be a tiger" Mick says "Put the frosties back in the box u thick git.
two goldfish in a tank , one says to the other
two goldfish in a tank , one says to the other " do u know how to drive this thing " hahaha
Why wouldnt the teddy bear eat all of his tea, because he was stuffed!
Why wouldnt the teddy bear eat all of his tea, because he was stuffed!
a bad golfer goes
a bad golfer goes "whack..... damn",,,a bad skydiver goes "damn .......................whack"
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.She told him
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife wasreally pissed.She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in thedrivewa...
why did the cow jump over the moon .......because it had a moo in it
why did the cow jump over the moon .......because it had a moo in it
what do you call a dog laid by the fire.....................HOTDOG
what do you call a dog laid by the fire.....................HOTDOG
knock..knock (whos there)  im AP  (im APwho  lol thought i could smell somthing
knock..knock (whos there)  im AP  (im APwho  lol thought i could smell somthing
Whats black and white and red all over?......................NEWSPAPER
Whats black and white and red all over?......................NEWSPAPER
Why are priates pirates?
Why are priates pirates?
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?
Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money
Q. What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?A. Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money
Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any cigs brought back from his holidays. Murphy says cheers m8 bring me 200 Bensons.2 weeks later paddy meets murphy in ...
Paddy asks Murphy if he wants any cigs brought back from his holidays. Murphy says cheers m8 bring me 200 Bensons.2 weeks later paddy meets murphy in ...
Paddy goes to Superdrug &asks
Paddy goes to Superdrug &asks "Have u got any K.Y jelly. The assistant says No. Have u tried Boots? Paddy says "I want to slide in not bloody marc...
Man goes to the doctor and says doctor, I can't stop my hands from shaking!Doctor replies Do you drink much?Man says No, I spill most of it!
Man goes to the doctor and says doctor, I can't stop my hands from shaking!Doctor replies Do you drink much?Man says No, I spill most of it!
A pair of glasses walks into to a pub. He asked the bar man for a drink and the bar man replies:I am not serving you, you're off your head.
A pair of glasses walks into to a pub. He asked the bar man for a drink and the bar man replies:I am not serving you, you're off your head.
What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?
What did the dog say when he sat on some sandpaper?
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub a...
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub a...
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned...
One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned...
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
'I wouldn't go to America if you paid me,' said Michael.'Why is that?' asked the Patrick.
'I wouldn't go to America if you paid me,' said Michael.'Why is that?' asked the Patrick.
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and noti...
A man walks into a hamburger shop and orders a regular meal. Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite out of it, and noti...
Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a s...
Mr.Johnson and his secretary are on a train to Paris. They are just about to go to sleep when the secretary, who has the hots for her boss says in a s...
The Vicar is Buying a Parrot 'Now, you're sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?' he inquired.
The Vicar is Buying a Parrot 'Now, you're sure it doesn't scream, yell, or swear?' he inquired.
whats black and white and read all over ......... a newspaper
whats black and white and read all over ......... a newspaper
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt ...
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt ...
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on ...
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on ...
Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year.
Did you hear about the flasher that was thinking about retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him.
A man told his friend that
A man told his friend that "His wife had lost her credit card recently". His friend being concerned asked "Have you informed the bank?" "No said the m...
A blonde walks into a rug shop...she finds the perfect rug and bends over to feel the texture. She lets out a huge fart and she turns round quickly to...
A blonde walks into a rug shop...she finds the perfect rug and bends over to feel the texture. She lets out a huge fart and she turns round quickly to...
wot do you call a man with no shins???     toni   
wot do you call a man with no shins???     toni   
Q; Why did God create man before woman?A:Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Q; Why did God create man before woman?A:Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
Q: Why do all men like smart women? A: Opposites attract.
Q: Why do all men like smart women? A: Opposites attract.
what do you call a skeleton who works in a beauty shop ...... a bonetician
what do you call a skeleton who works in a beauty shop ...... a bonetician
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and ...
Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and ...
A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch.
A woman walks up to an old man sitting in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help but notice how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a l...
  CUSTOMER BOWLED OVER BY SERVICE
  CUSTOMER BOWLED OVER BY SERVICE
husband:when i die i`d like it to be while we`re making love` wife: well, at least it will be quick.        &n...
husband:when i die i`d like it to be while we`re making love` wife: well, at least it will be quick.        &n...
There was a little girl called kirsty and she loved going to school, when she got back from school her mother said 'kirsty my dear what have you been ...
There was a little girl called kirsty and she loved going to school, when she got back from school her mother said 'kirsty my dear what have you been ...
what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
what do you call a donkey with 3 legs?
One Monday morning the UPS man is driving through a neighborhood on his usual delivery route. As he approaches one of the homes to drop off a package,...
One Monday morning the UPS man is driving through a neighborhood on his usual delivery route. As he approaches one of the homes to drop off a package,...
What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everyone can roast beef, but not many can pee soup.
What is the difference between roast beef and pea soup? Everyone can roast beef, but not many can pee soup.
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home the...
Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home the...
An elderly couple went into a doctor. They told the doctor
An elderly couple went into a doctor. They told the doctor "We’re having some trouble with our sex life. Could you watch and offer some suggesti...
My boyfriend asked me what was the favourite thing i liked most about him, i replied his smile. I then asked him the same question in which he replied...
My boyfriend asked me what was the favourite thing i liked most about him, i replied his smile. I then asked him the same question in which he replied...
A FOOL IS A 27 STOREY WINDOW CLEANER WHO STEPS BACK TO ADMIRE HIS WORK LOL
A FOOL IS A 27 STOREY WINDOW CLEANER WHO STEPS BACK TO ADMIRE HIS WORK LOL
What is a ghost's favourite fruit?
What is a ghost's favourite fruit?
whats the difference between micheal jackson and santa claus???..........nothing really they both enjoy emptying there sacks for little boys! haha
whats the difference between micheal jackson and santa claus???..........nothing really they both enjoy emptying there sacks for little boys! haha
How do you know when uv had too much to drink? When your driving and swerve to miss a tree and you realise its your airfreshner.
How do you know when uv had too much to drink? When your driving and swerve to miss a tree and you realise its your airfreshner.
a blonde just texed me and asked me wot does idk stand for i replied I DONT KNOW she said oh my god no1 does
a blonde just texed me and asked me wot does idk stand for i replied I DONT KNOW she said oh my god no1 does
Why didnt the skeleton burp? Cause he didnt have the guts to fart
Why didnt the skeleton burp? Cause he didnt have the guts to fart
Man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre...
Man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre...
what do you call a sheep with a machine gun?  lambo
what do you call a sheep with a machine gun?  lambo
what do you call a cow with no legs ?  ground beef
what do you call a cow with no legs ?  ground beef
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose.
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. "O...
ever Lie to your Mother
ever Lie to your Mother
Bar Bet
Bar Bet
Who spends most time in bathroom ???
Who spends most time in bathroom ???
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few mag...
A man visits his aunt in the nursing home. It turns out that she is taking a nap, so he just sits down in a chair in her room, flips through a few mag...
A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A mother and her child were at a wedding.
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments.
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments.
Little johnny tells his mom that kids at school are saying that hes part of the mafia. His mother tells him not to worry. she
Little johnny tells his mom that kids at school are saying that hes part of the mafia. His mother tells him not to worry. she"ll take care of them. He...
A woman's dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.
A woman's dishwasher had stopped working, so she called a repairman.
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking tick...
I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking tick...
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Q) What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo? A) Betty!
Q) What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo? A) Betty!
Q) What do rodents say when they play bingo? A) Eyes down for a full mouse!
Q) What do rodents say when they play bingo? A) Eyes down for a full mouse!
 Oxo have brought a new cube out to celebrate the world cup. It has White foil with a red cross. Its called
 Oxo have brought a new cube out to celebrate the world cup. It has White foil with a red cross. Its called "laughing stock
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
Whats red and green and goes round really fast????? Kermit in a blender!!!
Whats red and green and goes round really fast????? Kermit in a blender!!!
Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park.
Murphy's wife borrowed his car and parked in the supermarket car park.
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.
Three friends were stranded on a desert island. After several weeks with no food and no drinking water, they were beginning to lose heart.
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them.
Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
As the highway patrolman approached the accident site, he found that the entire side of the BMW had been ripped away, taking with it the driver's arm.
As the highway patrolman approached the accident site, he found that the entire side of the BMW had been ripped away, taking with it the driver's arm.
A white horse walks into a bar and says
A white horse walks into a bar and says "can i have a glass of whisky please ?"
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himsel...
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeders, a State Policeman sees a car puttering along at 22 miles per hour. He thinks to himsel...
what do you call an oriental muck spreader?
what do you call an oriental muck spreader?
what do you call a judge with no fingers?
what do you call a judge with no fingers?
what goes clippety clipperty then clop?
what goes clippety clipperty then clop?
A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.
A patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experi...
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair...
A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair...
Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion.
Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion.
The Writer....
The Writer....
The England football team turned down a 500 million pound sponsorship from a pet company, a spokesman said they wouldnt be comfortable playing in WINA...
The England football team turned down a 500 million pound sponsorship from a pet company, a spokesman said they wouldnt be comfortable playing in WINA...
Why do farts smell?.............For the benefit of the deaf!!!!!!
Why do farts smell?.............For the benefit of the deaf!!!!!!
its reported that capello has set up a friendly against iceland to cheer england fans up, if all goes well theyyl be up against tesco ,then asda
its reported that capello has set up a friendly against iceland to cheer england fans up, if all goes well theyyl be up against tesco ,then asda
what do call a deer with no eyes?? no eye deer
what do call a deer with no eyes?? no eye deer
what do you call a scouse with a suit on??   the defendent:)
what do you call a scouse with a suit on??   the defendent:)
Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
What did the elephant say to the naked man? 
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "How do you breath through something so small?"
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
if anyone in the north east knows the where abouts  of gunman raoul moat, can you please tell him that john terry, frank lampard, ashley cole and...
if anyone in the north east knows the where abouts  of gunman raoul moat, can you please tell him that john terry, frank lampard, ashley cole and...
i met a fairy today who granted me one wish,
i met a fairy today who granted me one wish,
how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
how do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
A Scotsman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on the leash and says…
A Scotsman walks into the bedroom with a sheep on the leash and says…
were do you find a tortoise with no legs? where you left it .
were do you find a tortoise with no legs? where you left it .
Two peanuts walk into a bar One was asalted. 
Two peanuts walk into a bar One was asalted. 
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says "dam" 
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says,
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here.
whats black and white and red all over?....a newspaper
whats black and white and red all over?....a newspaper
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink. The barman says...
A sandwich walks into a bar and asks the barman for a drink. The barman says..."Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Teacher: If you eat fish? Student: It's good for my eyes. Teacher: If you don't eat fish? Student: It's good for the fish!
Teacher: If you eat fish? Student: It's good for my eyes. Teacher: If you don't eat fish? Student: It's good for the fish!
I took my mother in law out last night. One punch what a beauty.
I took my mother in law out last night. One punch what a beauty.
Jimmy said to his father:
Jimmy said to his father: "Daddy how can I stop giving questions?" and his father said: "First:Don't think and Second...SHUT UP!!!"
a married couple rushed into hospital because the woman was in labour, the doctor asked the couple
a married couple rushed into hospital because the woman was in labour, the doctor asked the couple " i have invented a new machine that you might want...
Essex girl in car crash says Ii think I have concussion
Essex girl in car crash says Ii think I have concussion" paramedic asks "how many fingers have I got up?" the girl replies "oh god, my fanny's pa...
two fish are in a tank One says to the other
two fish are in a tank One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh 
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh 
what do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe          a 10 foot toilet brush
what do you get if you cross a hedgehog with a giraffe          a 10 foot toilet brush
there are 2 things in this world with hair like urs coconuts and cunts and u my friend are no coconut!
there are 2 things in this world with hair like urs coconuts and cunts and u my friend are no coconut!
Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
Q:Why did the woman cross the road? A I don't know, the real question is, why was she out of the kitchen?
How can you tell when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with
How can you tell when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with "a man once told me".
Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs an...
Girl: What if a boy hugs me? Mom: Say Don't Girl: What if he kisses me? Mom: Say stop. The next day when the girl goes to school her boyfriend hugs an...
Husband: everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat............. Husband: how does it help...
Husband: everytime I hit you, you never fight back. how do you manage your anger? Wife: I clean the toilet seat............. Husband: how does it help...
wots a ghosts favourite programme? horrornation street
wots a ghosts favourite programme? horrornation street
how does dracula keep fit???? he plays batminton
how does dracula keep fit???? he plays batminton
I called in sick today. The manager asked why? I explained that the Doctor said I have Anal Blindness. Manager asked what's that? I told him It's...
I called in sick today. The manager asked why? I explained that the Doctor said I have Anal Blindness. Manager asked what's that? I told him It's...
i banged my head last night so i put some margarine on it.woke up this morning and cant believe its not butter.
i banged my head last night so i put some margarine on it.woke up this morning and cant believe its not butter.
What do you call a cow with no legs?? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?? Ground beef.
Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist? A: No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q: What is the biggest problem for an atheist? A: No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.
 went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the stea...
 went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the stea...
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. He was pulled in by a strong currant.
my friend and i were walking in the country, when he said look at that flock of cows
my friend and i were walking in the country, when he said look at that flock of cows
4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left. One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says'
4 gay guys walk into a bar and notice there is one stool left. One gay guy suggest to play rock, paper, scissors and the other gay guy says' "Stop all...
Man goes to the doctors and sayes 'doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !' Doctor replies 'do you drink much ?' Man says 'no, I spill most of it ...
Man goes to the doctors and sayes 'doctor, I cant stop my hands from shaking !' Doctor replies 'do you drink much ?' Man says 'no, I spill most of it ...
i crashwd into a car and a dwaf got out and shouted im not happy so i seid which one are you then
i crashwd into a car and a dwaf got out and shouted im not happy so i seid which one are you then
went to the races the other day put a tenner on 'Premature Ejaculator'.Needless to say he came first
went to the races the other day put a tenner on 'Premature Ejaculator'.Needless to say he came first
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?When you're a mouse!!!
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?When you're a mouse!!!
Knock KnockWho's there?Uruguay!Uruguay who?You go Uruguay and I'll go mine!
Knock KnockWho's there?Uruguay!Uruguay who?You go Uruguay and I'll go mine!
What do you call a woman with one leg? - Ilene
What do you call a woman with one leg? - Ilene
What do you get if you cross a bulldog with a shitzu   - bullshit
What do you get if you cross a bulldog with a shitzu   - bullshit
Out in the car one day,I said to my husband you should speed up, oh  why he said   i replied theres a woman with a pushchair passing us
Out in the car one day,I said to my husband you should speed up, oh  why he said   i replied theres a woman with a pushchair passing us
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. S...
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. S...
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads,
A bloke walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar that reads, "Cheese sandwich: 0.99; Chicken sandwich: 1.50; H*ndjob: 20.00." Checking h...
a rich couple sit down to dinner cooked by their private chef.
a rich couple sit down to dinner cooked by their private chef. "darling if u learned to cook, we could get rid of the chef" the hubby says. "well" the...
A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says: 
A man walks into a bar with a slab of tarmac under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's not unusual.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
whats the fastest cake on earth?
whats the fastest cake on earth?
two old ladies sitting on a bench when a man flashes them one had a stroke the other couldnot reach
two old ladies sitting on a bench when a man flashes them one had a stroke the other couldnot reach
What do a gynaecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
What do a gynaecologist and a pizza boy have in common?
Tommy says to the teacher Miss. would you ever punish me for something i didn't do?The teacher replies,No, Tommy of course notGood cause i didn't do...
Tommy says to the teacher Miss. would you ever punish me for something i didn't do?The teacher replies,No, Tommy of course notGood cause i didn't do...
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? (because they have big fingers!
Why do gorillas have big nostrils? (because they have big fingers!
Why did 6 eat 7? Cause 7, 8, 9
Why did 6 eat 7? Cause 7, 8, 9
when i called your boyfriend gay he ............hit me with his purse
when i called your boyfriend gay he ............hit me with his purse
three men were standing on top of a skyscraper, one said i can jump off and  fly back up
three men were standing on top of a skyscraper, one said i can jump off and  fly back up
three men were in the desert when they found a lamp
three men were in the desert when they found a lamp
What happens if you take a one hundred foot dive into a glass of gingerale? Nothing! It's a SOFT drink!
What happens if you take a one hundred foot dive into a glass of gingerale? Nothing! It's a SOFT drink!
What kind of a storm is always in a rush? A Hurry Cain!
What kind of a storm is always in a rush? A Hurry Cain!
wot is snow whites faveret drink 7up
wot is snow whites faveret drink 7up
why cant u get drunk at a jls party becouse u only get 1 shot
why cant u get drunk at a jls party becouse u only get 1 shot
an english man american man and irish man were standing on top of a tall building
an english man american man and irish man were standing on top of a tall building
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible, says the doctor. Show me.She takes h...
A young brunette goes into the doctor's office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it. Impossible, says the doctor. Show me.She takes h...
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at ...
A guy with bright blue, green and orange color hair was standing at a bus stop. Few moments later an elderly man stood near him and kept staring at ...
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself....
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself....
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any
4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said...
4 men were stranded in a desert. Suddenly, 1 of them died. The other 3 decided that the only way to survive was to eat the dead body. The 1st man said...
Truck driver is stuck under bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the ...
Truck driver is stuck under bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the ...
Husband: After I leave, you won’t ever find another man like me!
Husband: After I leave, you won’t ever find another man like me!
A police officer stops a man and asks him for his license.
A police officer stops a man and asks him for his license.
what is the diffrence between the england football squad and a tea bag?   a tea bag can stay in the cup longer
what is the diffrence between the england football squad and a tea bag?   a tea bag can stay in the cup longer
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, 
A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's h...
one day 3 people were working at the top of a bridge,one was a spanish man,one was chinese and the other one was samoan so they had the same lunchThey...
one day 3 people were working at the top of a bridge,one was a spanish man,one was chinese and the other one was samoan so they had the same lunchThey...
two cow in a field ..... which one is on its holls .... the one with the wee calf
two cow in a field ..... which one is on its holls .... the one with the wee calf
Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
Did you hear about the mathematician with constipation ? He had to work it out with a pencil...
why is 6 afraid of 7?
why is 6 afraid of 7?
Why shouldn’t you take a pokemon into the bathroom?
Why shouldn’t you take a pokemon into the bathroom?
Renault & Ford are making a car between them to beat the credit crunch, based on the Clio &Taurus, the new 'Clitaurus' will be pink &...
Renault & Ford are making a car between them to beat the credit crunch, based on the Clio &Taurus, the new 'Clitaurus' will be pink &...
There was these 3 guys. They were named Shutup, Manners and Poop. Manners was picking up Poop from school. Shutup got pulled over by a cop. The cop sa...
There was these 3 guys. They were named Shutup, Manners and Poop. Manners was picking up Poop from school. Shutup got pulled over by a cop. The cop sa...
What do you call a man with a toe growing out of his knee?               &n...
What do you call a man with a toe growing out of his knee?               &n...
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened."I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hou...
Got home from the pub at 3'o clock this morning. The wife was waiting at the door with a rolling pin. I said to her, 'what are you doing 'baking' at t...
Got home from the pub at 3'o clock this morning. The wife was waiting at the door with a rolling pin. I said to her, 'what are you doing 'baking' at t...
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!
How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?Give the bitch a shovel
How to you make a dish washer into a snow blower?Give the bitch a shovel
What do you call a man with a car on his head  -  Jack
What do you call a man with a car on his head  -  Jack
what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches???? a nervous wreck
what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches???? a nervous wreck
wot do u call a vampire you can dip in your tea??? Count Dunkula
wot do u call a vampire you can dip in your tea??? Count Dunkula
Three little ducks go into a Bar......
Three little ducks go into a Bar......
Q. What's a mixed feeling?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What do cows do for entertainment?
What do cows do for entertainment?
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?Anyone can roast beef.
What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?Anyone can roast beef.
why are there so many smiths in the phone book? because they all have phones
why are there so many smiths in the phone book? because they all have phones
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says,
A drunk man comes inside a bar and says, "Happy New Year everybody." and the waiter says, "We are in June you drunk man." And the drunk man says, "Oh ...
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency?He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a ...
A reporter asked Chris Rock who do you think would win the presidency?He said quickly Obama. When asked why, he replied, has anyone ran a race with a ...
Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Did you hear about hte new French tank? Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.
Did you hear about hte new French tank? Yeah, It has 14 gears. 13 go in reverse, and one goes foreward incase the enemy attacks from behind.
what is skinheads on a raft?........ beans on toast
what is skinheads on a raft?........ beans on toast
why do women have small feet          so they can be closer to the sink
why do women have small feet          so they can be closer to the sink
a little fairy see 2 statues and granted them a wish each,they both wanted to be alive for 5 minutes.the fairy granted their wish.they each said they ...
a little fairy see 2 statues and granted them a wish each,they both wanted to be alive for 5 minutes.the fairy granted their wish.they each said they ...
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. S...
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. S...
Paddy and his wife were in bed, when the phone rang
Paddy and his wife were in bed, when the phone rang
Q. What's a mixed feeling?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Those wanting to be married Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned t...
Those wanting to be married Father Henry was planning a wedding at the close of the morning service. After the benediction Father Henry had planned t...
 Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
 Why did the elephant bring toilet paper to a party?
 What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
 What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police
what is always behind time                     the back of a clock
what is always behind time                     the back of a clock
how do you catch a rabbit                         hide in long grass and make a noise like...
how do you catch a rabbit                         hide in long grass and make a noise like...
what did the confused be say to himself? to bee or not to bee
what did the confused be say to himself? to bee or not to bee
what do u call a man with a spade on his head
what do u call a man with a spade on his head
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish o...
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish o...
Near Death Experience A boss asked one of his employees, 'Do you believe in life after death?'
Near Death Experience A boss asked one of his employees, 'Do you believe in life after death?'
a mans wallet was stolen but he decided not to report it to the police cause the theif was spending less than what he wife does
a mans wallet was stolen but he decided not to report it to the police cause the theif was spending less than what he wife does
What do you call an afghan virgin
What do you call an afghan virgin
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
dirty joke .....................mud
dirty joke .....................mud
"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.  "Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at ...
whats black white and read all over   - a newspaper
whats black white and read all over   - a newspaper
Did you know piracy is killing the music industry......... have you ever tried playing a guitar with a hook!
Did you know piracy is killing the music industry......... have you ever tried playing a guitar with a hook!
When is a brown dog not a brown dog? 
When is a brown dog not a brown dog? 
Did you hear about the 4 Pollocks who froze to death in adrive-in movie???They went to see 'Closed For the Winter'!
Did you hear about the 4 Pollocks who froze to death in adrive-in movie???They went to see 'Closed For the Winter'!
Irish authorities today uncovered a mass grave of dead snowmen. Further tests later revealed it was actually a field of carrots!
Irish authorities today uncovered a mass grave of dead snowmen. Further tests later revealed it was actually a field of carrots!
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked...
One Sunday morning, while stationed at Osan Air Base in South Korea, I was in line for breakfast and noticed that the cook behind the counter looked...
Q: What did the police say to the crook?
Q: What did the police say to the crook?
you are so ugly your mum ties pork chops round your neck so the dog would play with you
you are so ugly your mum ties pork chops round your neck so the dog would play with you
did you hear about the irish man who tried to blow up a car ................he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe so he did
did you hear about the irish man who tried to blow up a car ................he burnt his lips on the exhaust pipe so he did
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
 What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
 What does a dwarf get if he runs through a womans legs?
doctor... doctor.......   Ive just  swallowed a pen///////////////////////  Well sit down and write your name!
doctor... doctor.......   Ive just  swallowed a pen///////////////////////  Well sit down and write your name!
what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
how does a man show he is planning for the future?
how does a man show he is planning for the future?
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever. The bloke at the counter said,
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever. The bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"
Employer:
Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job." "Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was...
cowboy walks into a german car showroom and shouts
cowboy walks into a german car showroom and shouts "audi!"
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said:
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"To which the ...
Cop:
Cop: "Sister, this is a 65 MPH highway -- why are you going so slow?" Sister: "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 22, not 65." Cop: "Oh sis...
i was walking down the street and saw a big hole in the wall where the cash machine was supposed to be i rang the police and they said they where look...
i was walking down the street and saw a big hole in the wall where the cash machine was supposed to be i rang the police and they said they where look...
Where is the English Channel?
Where is the English Channel?
What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?
What’s the difference between a politician and a vampire?
Qwhy did the bannana go doctors
Qwhy did the bannana go doctors
 Q. whats green and goes at 100 mph
 Q. whats green and goes at 100 mph
 What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?A: They're hiring.
 What does it mean when the flag is at half mast at the post office?A: They're hiring.
 What do you get from a pampered cow?A: Spoiled milk.
 What do you get from a pampered cow?A: Spoiled milk.
who is the most intelligent person in the world
who is the most intelligent person in the world
Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
Old is when your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
 What has 4 legs and one arm?
 What has 4 legs and one arm?
how do you make a 90y old woman to sweer get a 90y old woman to shout bingo
how do you make a 90y old woman to sweer get a 90y old woman to shout bingo
how do you kill a blonde ?????
how do you kill a blonde ?????
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Police Station toilet stolen....Cops have nothing to go on.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store.
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs.
Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs.
paddy asked a tatooist, can you do a picture of the most beautiful woman, yes said the tatooist where do you want it
paddy asked a tatooist, can you do a picture of the most beautiful woman, yes said the tatooist where do you want it
A panda walks into a bar,he orders his food and gets a drink,he then finisheshis food and drink and calls the waiter over,who he genourously tips. He ...
A panda walks into a bar,he orders his food and gets a drink,he then finisheshis food and drink and calls the waiter over,who he genourously tips. He ...
Why did the vampire go to the doctors?
Why did the vampire go to the doctors?
why did tigger look down the toilet?
why did tigger look down the toilet?
were do horses live?
were do horses live?
how do u make a pool table laugh?
how do u make a pool table laugh?
How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
what does the little computer call it's dad?
what does the little computer call it's dad?
I knew a girl that was so ugly that...
I knew a girl that was so ugly that...
What did the grape do when it got step on?
What did the grape do when it got step on?
all the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
all the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge.
I was attacked by some little ginger boy doing martial arts...
I was attacked by some little ginger boy doing martial arts...
Paddy walks through town one day when he spots an interesting looking box in a shop window.
Paddy walks through town one day when he spots an interesting looking box in a shop window.
why did the tomato turn red?
why did the tomato turn red?
I grew up in a tough area. When I was a kid, people used to cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head.
I grew up in a tough area. When I was a kid, people used to cover me in chocolate and cream then put a cherry on my head.
Just bought a dog off a blacksmith...
Just bought a dog off a blacksmith...
What do baby apes sleep in?
What do baby apes sleep in?
why did the poatoe jump of the roof?
why did the poatoe jump of the roof?
why did the man put his money in the freezer?
why did the man put his money in the freezer?
what do you when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
what do you when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
what goes oooooo.
what goes oooooo.
why was the horse sad? it had no neighhhh bours
why was the horse sad? it had no neighhhh bours
French foreplay: dinner, wine, sex!...
French foreplay: dinner, wine, sex!...
3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.
3 men were gathering one day to talk about how successful there sons were doing.
Why dont ardvarks get ill?
Why dont ardvarks get ill?
why doesnt a chicken wear pants?
why doesnt a chicken wear pants?
whats the difference between chopped beef and pea soup ?  
whats the difference between chopped beef and pea soup ?  
what did the mountain climber call his son
what did the mountain climber call his son
why did the man throw his watch out of the window
why did the man throw his watch out of the window
what do you call a man in a pan?
what do you call a man in a pan?
what do you call a man with a spade on his head?
what do you call a man with a spade on his head?
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
what do you call a short psychic who has escaped from jail
what do you call a short psychic who has escaped from jail
what has two humps and is at the north pole
what has two humps and is at the north pole
WHAT GOES BLACK N WHITE BUMP BLACK N WHITE BUMP BLACK N WHITE BUMP?    
WHAT GOES BLACK N WHITE BUMP BLACK N WHITE BUMP BLACK N WHITE BUMP?    
An English Professor wrote the words,
An English Professor wrote the words," A woman without her man is nothing " on the blackboard and asked the class to puntuate.
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
why do brunetts love their hair???
why do brunetts love their hair???
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with...
why dont aliens eat clowns?
why dont aliens eat clowns?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? 
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? 
whats the only dog to know what the time is.
whats the only dog to know what the time is.
Two snowmen are standing in a field.
Two snowmen are standing in a field.
A man being mugged by two thugs puts up a tremendous fight.
A man being mugged by two thugs puts up a tremendous fight.
Fred --- Can i borrow that book of yours on how to become a millionaire
Fred --- Can i borrow that book of yours on how to become a millionaire
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police.
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled up by the police.
What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?
What do bees do if they want to use public transport ?
What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk ?
What do you get if you cross a bee with a skunk ?
why is a washing macjine really funny?
why is a washing macjine really funny?
Met a guy last week he looked like a mushroom.
Met a guy last week he looked like a mushroom.
my dog has no nose, how does he smell?  
my dog has no nose, how does he smell?  
A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why don't you play with your friends?' he asked.
A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. 'Why don't you play with your friends?' he asked.
why do ducks have webbed feet?
why do ducks have webbed feet?
what is a grown up?
what is a grown up?
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.'A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christm...
Alex was five; all his Christmas presents were always signed, 'from Father Christmas.'A little while after Alex had opened all his presents on Christm...
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood.
It was just before Christmas and the magistrate was in a happy mood.
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
What's pink and fluffy ....
What's pink and fluffy ....
how do you treat burnt pig skin?
how do you treat burnt pig skin?
wat do u call a man with no shins????
wat do u call a man with no shins????
What do cows do for entertainment?
What do cows do for entertainment?
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
what is a cows favourite tv programme?
what is a cows favourite tv programme?
what is a mouse favourite game?
what is a mouse favourite game?
whats a cats favourite breakfast
whats a cats favourite breakfast
what as a bottom at the top
what as a bottom at the top
whats black and white and black and white and black and white
whats black and white and black and white and black and white
what is black and white and red at the top
what is black and white and red at the top
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head
what do call a girl with one leg shorter than the other
what do call a girl with one leg shorter than the other
whats small brown and fluffy
whats small brown and fluffy
whats brown yellow and hairy
whats brown yellow and hairy
two crisp walk down the road car pulls over do you want a lift
two crisp walk down the road car pulls over do you want a lift
why have fish got a 5 sec memory
why have fish got a 5 sec memory
whats the diffirence between snots n sprout?
whats the diffirence between snots n sprout?
whats big and red and stands in a corner
whats big and red and stands in a corner
why do birds fly south in the winter
why do birds fly south in the winter
A piece of bacon and a sausage are in a frying pan being cooked. The sausage says, 'it's hot in here isn't it!' and the bacon replys,
A piece of bacon and a sausage are in a frying pan being cooked. The sausage says, 'it's hot in here isn't it!' and the bacon replys,
How do monkeys make toast?
How do monkeys make toast?
were do sheep work?
were do sheep work?
why did the bees go on strike?
why did the bees go on strike?
what is yellow and black and always complaining?
what is yellow and black and always complaining?
went on a once in a life time holiday, i tell u wot
went on a once in a life time holiday, i tell u wot
what green and hangs from trees
what green and hangs from trees
whats green and hangs from caves
whats green and hangs from caves
what is the smelliest game to play?
what is the smelliest game to play?
what do you call a cow who can speak to ghosts?
what do you call a cow who can speak to ghosts?
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head ?
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head ?
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind ...
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all over the place, eating everything behind ...
How come oysters never donate to charity?
How come oysters never donate to charity?
What should you do when you see your husband staggering?
What should you do when you see your husband staggering?
An injured dog limps into a bar on three legs, and says I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw
An injured dog limps into a bar on three legs, and says I’m lookin’ for the guy who shot my paw
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
How do save a guy when he's drowning?
How do save a guy when he's drowning?
How do guys and batteries differ?
How do guys and batteries differ?
Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
17 blonds stand out side a workout room, why don't they go in
17 blonds stand out side a workout room, why don't they go in
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get som...
A couple were in their bedroom and the girl says to her boyfriend, 'I wish I had bigger tits'. The boyfriend says 'well what I recommend is to get som...
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man,
Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample...
why did the homeless tortoise cross the road.
why did the homeless tortoise cross the road.
whats snow whites favorite drink,
whats snow whites favorite drink,
why did chicken croos the road ?
why did chicken croos the road ?
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street.
A Jewish guy got in a taxi cab...5 min into a ride the driver notice a man beating up a woman on the other side of the street.
If God didn't want us to eat animals
If God didn't want us to eat animals
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
1st surgeon says:
1st surgeon says: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."2nd surgeon says: "Nah, librar...
Three people die, a doctor, a school teacher and the head of a large HMO. When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the doctor what did you do...
Three people die, a doctor, a school teacher and the head of a large HMO. When met at the pearly gates by St. Peter he asks the doctor what did you do...
Whats pink, hairy and smells of fish?
Whats pink, hairy and smells of fish?
do you want to hear a realy dirty joke ?
do you want to hear a realy dirty joke ?
what do you call a dog in the sun?
what do you call a dog in the sun?
You must keep in shape.
You must keep in shape.
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say 'you'll be next
I used to hate weddings, all the old ladies would prod me and say 'you'll be next
Why did the bubble gum cross the road
Why did the bubble gum cross the road
When I went to Starbucks for coffee they lied. It wasn't Starbucks
When I went to Starbucks for coffee they lied. It wasn't Starbucks
There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the h...
There were three men on a hill with their watches. The first man threw his watch down the hill and it broke. The second man threw his watch down the h...
Policeman pulls over paddy for speeding 'have you been drinking sir'
Policeman pulls over paddy for speeding 'have you been drinking sir'
What's green and smells of pork??
What's green and smells of pork??
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as an oven and my mate also turned up dressed as an oven, he was upset and he said
I went to a fancy dress party dressed as an oven and my mate also turned up dressed as an oven, he was upset and he said "i thought you said you're ...
what is difference between a bird n a fly ?
what is difference between a bird n a fly ?
3 women: 1 engaged, 1 a mìstress & 1 married, decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stilleto heels and a leather face ...
3 women: 1 engaged, 1 a mìstress & 1 married, decide to treat their men by wearing black leather bras, stilleto heels and a leather face ...
Some boyscouts went to see an old veteran in the nursing home and he was telling them about the war.He said
Some boyscouts went to see an old veteran in the nursing home and he was telling them about the war.He said "One time while on a mission, a lion...
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
Why did the leper go back in the shower?
Why did the leper go back in the shower?
 a hat walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bar man says sorry i cant serve you,
 a hat walks into a bar and orders a drink, the bar man says sorry i cant serve you,
where do computers buy sweaters?
where do computers buy sweaters?
what's a mouse's favourite game?
what's a mouse's favourite game?
What's gray and highly dangerous?
What's gray and highly dangerous?
What's gray and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds
What's gray and wrinkly and jumps every twenty seconds
A grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says,
A grasshopper walks into a bar, bartender says, "Hey we have a drink named after you
A duck walks into a bar and says,
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
what goes round and round and goes beep beep ?
what goes round and round and goes beep beep ?
drunk  so drunk got home got 2 the stairs got undress walked up the stairs
drunk  so drunk got home got 2 the stairs got undress walked up the stairs
what do u call a penguin with no wings
what do u call a penguin with no wings
what do you call a dog with spots ?
what do you call a dog with spots ?
Q: Why did the coach go to the bank A: To get his quarter-back
Q: Why did the coach go to the bank A: To get his quarter-back
A man went to doctor,
A man went to doctor, "Doctor every night in my dream I am playing soccer." Doctor say, "Take these pills, they will help you sleep better."
How do you get a blonde on the roof?
How do you get a blonde on the roof?
what do you call a man in the sea with no arms an no legs?
what do you call a man in the sea with no arms an no legs?
What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
What did the mama bear say to her cub?
What did the mama bear say to her cub?
what did the great big elephant say to the naked man?
what did the great big elephant say to the naked man?
man goes to doc and asked for viagra eye drops ..doc asks why you want viagra eye drops man says
man goes to doc and asked for viagra eye drops ..doc asks why you want viagra eye drops man says
Why does Tigger smell??
Why does Tigger smell??
Why does Miss Piggy cough during  oral sex??
Why does Miss Piggy cough during  oral sex??
A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar.
A man was drinking at a bar and the bartender came over to tell him he had a visitor waiting for him outside the bar.
WARNING - If a man comes to your front door saying that he's looking for ladybirds due to the warm weather & asks you to take off all your clothes...
WARNING - If a man comes to your front door saying that he's looking for ladybirds due to the warm weather & asks you to take off all your clothes...
why cant a car play football
why cant a car play football
what goes up down up down
what goes up down up down
A blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff askes her what happened. The blonde began,
A blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff askes her what happened. The blonde began, "it was the strangest thing i was driving along a...
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain link fence.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain link fence.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs! -
What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs! -
were do bees get there milk from
were do bees get there milk from
why r men like baseball bats
why r men like baseball bats
why did the old man get thrown
why did the old man get thrown
Man walks into his doctors....
Man walks into his doctors....
Why should you never buy Russian underpants?
Why should you never buy Russian underpants?
Driving along the road one day I saw 2 packets of crisps, so I stopped and asked if they wanted a lift....
Driving along the road one day I saw 2 packets of crisps, so I stopped and asked if they wanted a lift....
what do you call a broken boomerang?
what do you call a broken boomerang?
what do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
what do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur?
Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of their car.
Two nuns are out driving when a vampire drops onto the bonnet of their car. "Quick sister," screams one nun, "Show him your cross!"
Yo mama so stupid, I said,
Yo mama so stupid, I said, "Why do you have 2 quarters in your ears?"
Yo mama so slow
Yo mama so slow
Yo mama so stupid I asked her to buy me a color TV
Yo mama so stupid I asked her to buy me a color TV
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone
Yo mamma so stupid she tried to eat her iPhone
The American yacht team were ecstatic as, they were coming first in the boat race
The American yacht team were ecstatic as, they were coming first in the boat race
 What do you call cheese that's not yours?
 What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Question:
Question: "Why does a squirrel swim on its back?" Anwser: "To keep its nuts dry."
what did dog say to the man
what did dog say to the man
What do you call a dog with no ears?
What do you call a dog with no ears?
Have you heard about the Irishman who burnt his back?
Have you heard about the Irishman who burnt his back?
what did the big telephone say 2 the little telephone ?
what did the big telephone say 2 the little telephone ?
whazt do you call a spider with no legs?
whazt do you call a spider with no legs?
Why did the housewife put the money in the freezer??
Why did the housewife put the money in the freezer??
a chickhen and an egg were lying in bed, the chickhen was sitting up, smoking a fag with a satisfied look on his face. the egg, lying ther with an ang...
a chickhen and an egg were lying in bed, the chickhen was sitting up, smoking a fag with a satisfied look on his face. the egg, lying ther with an ang...
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head?
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head?
what do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
what do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other?
Why did the baker always have brown hands?
Why did the baker always have brown hands?
why did the chewing gum cross the road?
why did the chewing gum cross the road?
hear about the irish man ironing his curtains --
hear about the irish man ironing his curtains --
What language do penguins speak?
What language do penguins speak?
What do penguins wear on there head?
What do penguins wear on there head?
What do penguins wear to the beach?
What do penguins wear to the beach?
knock knock
knock knock
two young boys went to a chemist and asked for some tampons lady said do u know what these are for?..
two young boys went to a chemist and asked for some tampons lady said do u know what these are for?..
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call an eskimos house with no toilet?
what do you call an eskimos house with no toilet?
Yo moma so stupid
Yo moma so stupid
Yo mama is so ugly
Yo mama is so ugly
Ther are 3 girls in a car and a genie pops up and says you have 3 whishes...
Ther are 3 girls in a car and a genie pops up and says you have 3 whishes...
What book do you like the most?
What book do you like the most?
Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense?
Hw do U kp a txtr in suspense?
Why'd they call it PMS?
Why'd they call it PMS?
Why didnt the skeleton go to the party??
Why didnt the skeleton go to the party??
why do humming birds hum
why do humming birds hum
whats green and prickly
whats green and prickly
how do u make a snooker table laugh
how do u make a snooker table laugh
an eskimo was driving  when his car suddenly broke down a nice friendly welsh motorist pulled over to help
an eskimo was driving  when his car suddenly broke down a nice friendly welsh motorist pulled over to help
hows the sun cut its hair
hows the sun cut its hair
what is hairy and coughs?
what is hairy and coughs?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
how do you keep an idiot entertained
how do you keep an idiot entertained
The wifes mother rushed into the maternity wing to find how her daughter was progressing. As she entered the waiting room, she spotted her son in law....
The wifes mother rushed into the maternity wing to find how her daughter was progressing. As she entered the waiting room, she spotted her son in law....
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing a paper suit.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing a paper suit.
where do dinosaurs wear ties?
where do dinosaurs wear ties?
what do you get if you cross a dog with an elephant?
what do you get if you cross a dog with an elephant?
What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
What did the big turnip say to the little turnip
what do we do with grude oil
what do we do with grude oil
A young man and his date, were parked on a back road some distance from town.
A young man and his date, were parked on a back road some distance from town.
As a family we are trying to keep up with technology..So I bought my son an i Pod,
As a family we are trying to keep up with technology..So I bought my son an i Pod,
what do you do if coppers seround you?
what do you do if coppers seround you?
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that....
why did the chicken cross the road?
why did the chicken cross the road?
why do men find it difficult to keep eye contact
why do men find it difficult to keep eye contact
did u hear about the new divorce barbie
did u hear about the new divorce barbie
where do computers buy sweaters?
where do computers buy sweaters?
what do you give an ant with a sore throat?
what do you give an ant with a sore throat?
what do you call a snowman in the desert
what do you call a snowman in the desert
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head
Excuse me sir, but i hope you are not intending to drive the car.
Excuse me sir, but i hope you are not intending to drive the car.
A simple man was accused of stalking a beautiful young girl and was told he would have to line up in an identity parade
A simple man was accused of stalking a beautiful young girl and was told he would have to line up in an identity parade
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of a bar and are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. Th...
Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of a bar and are walking down the street when they come across a dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. Th...
A man speaks frantically into the phone,
A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Why have girraffs got long necks?
Why have girraffs got long necks?
A husband and wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
A husband and wife were sound asleep when suddenly the phone rang.
how do fleas go on holiday?
how do fleas go on holiday?
how many softies does it take to change a light bulb?
how many softies does it take to change a light bulb?
why did the horse win the nobe prize
why did the horse win the nobe prize
what do you do if you find your ex covered in blood and limping around your back garden?
what do you do if you find your ex covered in blood and limping around your back garden?
why dont you eat clowns
why dont you eat clowns
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly e...
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly e...
Husband says;
Husband says; "When I'm gone you'll never find another man like me".
three tomatoes on a plate which one is the cowboy ?
three tomatoes on a plate which one is the cowboy ?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
what was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
what was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
what is black and white and red at the bottom?
what is black and white and red at the bottom?
A gay guy walks into a bar and says
A gay guy walks into a bar and says "bartender give me a brewskie."The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind here."The gay continues, "I'll just s...
What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler with a Collie? A dog
What do you get when you cross a Rottweiler with a Collie? A dog
what do you do if your wife is staggering
what do you do if your wife is staggering
Why is air a lot like sex
Why is air a lot like sex
doctor doctor i feel like a bridge
doctor doctor i feel like a bridge
when do you know you've got a hippo in the fridge?
when do you know you've got a hippo in the fridge?
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie
What is the hardest part of making shoe fly pie
There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to us...
There's a man in a wheelchair with no arms and no legs sitting by a lake. Several beautiful women are running laps around it and the man decides to us...
I was woken up this morning by a noise and a smell from downstairs.
I was woken up this morning by a noise and a smell from downstairs.
Paddy's dad died & he was crying. After 2 mins he cries louder!
Paddy's dad died & he was crying. After 2 mins he cries louder!
two nuns in a bath one nun says wheres the soap the other nun replied
two nuns in a bath one nun says wheres the soap the other nun replied
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.
I went to blockbusters last night and asked if I could borrow Batman Forever.
how many eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
how many eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
what as four legs and goes oom oom?
what as four legs and goes oom oom?
mother : do you think our son should have a encyclopedia for school ?
mother : do you think our son should have a encyclopedia for school ?
pupil one : which novelist likes to play subbuteo?
pupil one : which novelist likes to play subbuteo?
Doctor! Doctor!  I feel like a pair of curtains?
Doctor! Doctor!  I feel like a pair of curtains?
man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions. "Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead". "OK," the man say...
 guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey gr...
 guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey gr...
why do ducks have webbed feet?
why do ducks have webbed feet?
what goes click-clack-moo! click-clack-moo1/
what goes click-clack-moo! click-clack-moo1/
how do you get 20 people in a car
how do you get 20 people in a car
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
What did the ghost eat at his birthday party?
what do you call a deer with no eyes 
what do you call a deer with no eyes 
what do you call postman pat without a job?
what do you call postman pat without a job?
what do you call karate kid without a hobby?
what do you call karate kid without a hobby?
what sort of ball dont you play with?
what sort of ball dont you play with?
what will a monster be after its 5 years old?
what will a monster be after its 5 years old?
how do you get pikachu on a bus?
how do you get pikachu on a bus?
what did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
what did one eyeball say to the other eyeball?
how do you stop a mole digging up the garden?
how do you stop a mole digging up the garden?
where do wasps go when they are ill?
where do wasps go when they are ill?
where do frogs hang their coats?
where do frogs hang their coats?
how do you start a bear race?
how do you start a bear race?
what do you say when you meet a three headed monster?
what do you say when you meet a three headed monster?
what has feathers wings and fangs?
what has feathers wings and fangs?
why do bees always have sticky hair?
why do bees always have sticky hair?
which airline do fleas fly on?
which airline do fleas fly on?
why did the nurse tip toe to the cupboard?
why did the nurse tip toe to the cupboard?
what did the say when its morther laid an orange?
what did the say when its morther laid an orange?
what did the digital alarm clock say to the alarm clock?
what did the digital alarm clock say to the alarm clock?
how do you know a sausage doesnt like being fried?
how do you know a sausage doesnt like being fried?
what do you get if you cross a zebra with a pig?
what do you get if you cross a zebra with a pig?
did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?
did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?
when is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
when is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
what did the orange juice say to the water?
what did the orange juice say to the water?
what do hippies do?
what do hippies do?
why do bears have fur coats?
why do bears have fur coats?
whats round and furry and smells of mint?
whats round and furry and smells of mint?
who is green and has wrinkles?
who is green and has wrinkles?
who invented fire?
who invented fire?
doctor doctor i feel like a pack of cards
doctor doctor i feel like a pack of cards
doctor doctor i keep feeling like a sheep
doctor doctor i keep feeling like a sheep
doctor doctor i cant get to sleep
doctor doctor i cant get to sleep
what do vampire doctors say?
what do vampire doctors say?
what bird never sings
what bird never sings
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says,
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
Two russian guys are walking down the street and they find a $100.
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing
A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT
Alcohol doesn't make you FAT
why do men marry virgins
why do men marry virgins
doctor doctor i feel like a pack of cards
doctor doctor i feel like a pack of cards
what is a climate?
what is a climate?
which fairy tale writers are always smiling
which fairy tale writers are always smiling
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats green and hangs from caves?
whats green and hangs from caves?
The words kids wrote down when asked to write out their favorite Christmas Carols
The words kids wrote down when asked to write out their favorite Christmas Carols
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.Immediately, the drunk starts c...
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.Immediately, the drunk starts c...
what burns well with texaco?
what burns well with texaco?
what has a bottom on the top
what has a bottom on the top
what do u get if u cross a sheep and a trampoline??
what do u get if u cross a sheep and a trampoline??
what do you call a man with a spade on on his head
what do you call a man with a spade on on his head
I don't drink, I don't smoke and I never swear......
I don't drink, I don't smoke and I never swear......
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99 thump?
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99 thump?
what goes tring! tring! whizz?
what goes tring! tring! whizz?
what is a vulgar fraction
what is a vulgar fraction
what is the meaning of melancholy
what is the meaning of melancholy
Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?
Why did Captain Kirk pee on the ceiling?
what did spook find in the loo
what did spook find in the loo
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
teacher : give me a sentance wth the word 'denial' in it
teacher : give me a sentance wth the word 'denial' in it
what is a siesta
what is a siesta
what is difference between hoover and a harley
what is difference between hoover and a harley
i went on a gin diet i only lost ?
i went on a gin diet i only lost ?
i was walking down the street when some  one threw a piece of cheese at me. i thought thats not very mature
i was walking down the street when some  one threw a piece of cheese at me. i thought thats not very mature
what  has a bottom at the top
what  has a bottom at the top
what is quicksilver
what is quicksilver
what is a kettle drum used for
what is a kettle drum used for
 
 
An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race
An Englishman, roused by a Scot's scorn of his race
Knock Knock Who's there?The Alzheimer Testing DepartmentThe Alzheimer Testing Department who?You've Failed
Knock Knock Who's there?The Alzheimer Testing DepartmentThe Alzheimer Testing Department who?You've Failed
On the sofa with my wife last night:Me: Honey, you remind me of an onion. On the sofa with my wife last night:Me: Honey, you re...
On the sofa with my wife last night:Me: Honey, you remind me of an onion. On the sofa with my wife last night:Me: Honey, you re...
why do birds fly south in the winter?
why do birds fly south in the winter?
whats big and red and stands in the corner?
whats big and red and stands in the corner?
why did the hedgehog cross the road
why did the hedgehog cross the road
what is the major advantage of passing all your exams
what is the major advantage of passing all your exams
what is the function of antibodies
what is the function of antibodies
what do you call two rows of cabbages?
what do you call two rows of cabbages?
whats black and white and sneaky?
whats black and white and sneaky?
I was in the jungle, when a monkey asked me for a tin opener I said
I was in the jungle, when a monkey asked me for a tin opener I said " you don't need a tin opener to open bananas"
Question: What is better than roses on a piano
Question: What is better than roses on a piano
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said
There were these two guys in a bar, which was on the 20th floor of a building. The first man said "I bet you $100 I can jump out that window and come ...
whats the definition of beans on toast ?
whats the definition of beans on toast ?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
2 snowmen in a field one turns to other and sayss
2 snowmen in a field one turns to other and sayss
What did the right nut say to the left nut?
What did the right nut say to the left nut?
The fight we had last night was my fault... my wife asked me what was on the t.v
The fight we had last night was my fault... my wife asked me what was on the t.v
why did the turkey cross the road
why did the turkey cross the road
whats blk n white n full of stripes
whats blk n white n full of stripes
why is santa so jolly
why is santa so jolly
how are men and parking spots alike
how are men and parking spots alike
There was a women having a bath when the door bell rang she shouted who`s there?  It`s the blind man.  So she went and opened the door and s...
There was a women having a bath when the door bell rang she shouted who`s there?  It`s the blind man.  So she went and opened the door and s...
What is black and white black and white back and white a nun rolling down a hill,.
What is black and white black and white back and white a nun rolling down a hill,.
what is a sage
what is a sage
What happened when the wizard turned a naughty boy into a hare ?
What happened when the wizard turned a naughty boy into a hare ?
whats the difference between a cat and a frog?
whats the difference between a cat and a frog?
Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road
Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road
dr dr i feel like a bridge....... whats come over you
dr dr i feel like a bridge....... whats come over you
dr dr i feel like a snooker ball
dr dr i feel like a snooker ball
DOG watch ,GUEST ;
DOG watch ,GUEST ;" WHY DOSE YOUR DOG SIT THERE AND WATCH ME EAT ?              ...
BIRD VS FLY ,
BIRD VS FLY ," WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A BIRD AND A FLY ? ,
what do you call a women with slates on her head?
what do you call a women with slates on her head?
did your hear about the irishman tap dancing ?
did your hear about the irishman tap dancing ?
what are clouds
what are clouds
what is a cloud bank
what is a cloud bank
what would you get if you crossed an elephant with a kangaroo?
what would you get if you crossed an elephant with a kangaroo?
Whats worse than finding a maggot in you apple?
Whats worse than finding a maggot in you apple?
why did the orange stop running ?
why did the orange stop running ?
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
Why couldn't the alligator send e-mails on his PC?
Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?
Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange?
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?
why did santas little helper feel depressed
why did santas little helper feel depressed
what is charles darwin best known for
what is charles darwin best known for
where did the ancient pharaohs live
where did the ancient pharaohs live
what do you call a dinosaur that is always on time?
what do you call a dinosaur that is always on time?
why do dogs have fur coats?
why do dogs have fur coats?
This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender,
This man walks in a bar and says to the bartender, "Hey Joe, how about fixing me up with 8 shots of whiskey and 8 bottles of beer?"Joe says, "Well hel...
what is the difference between a paycheque and a penis
what is the difference between a paycheque and a penis
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to ...
Once inside the bank shortly after midnight, their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately. The robbers, who expected to ...
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. "Of course, my son," said the priest."Well, Fathe...
Two peanuts walked into a bar...
Two peanuts walked into a bar...
a pan handler
a pan handler
why couldnt the blonde make ice cubes
why couldnt the blonde make ice cubes
no money to pay bus
no money to pay bus
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?
theres a new channel being added to the digi box  its called oregame tv
theres a new channel being added to the digi box  its called oregame tv
whats the difference between mash potato and pea soup
whats the difference between mash potato and pea soup
Whats 6 inches long and get women excited?
Whats 6 inches long and get women excited?
how would you share 20p between four men
how would you share 20p between four men
what is artificial respiration commonly known
what is artificial respiration commonly known
what do you call a fly with no wings?
what do you call a fly with no wings?
what has 100 legs but can't walk?
what has 100 legs but can't walk?
what do you call a woman with egg and bacon on her head
what do you call a woman with egg and bacon on her head
what do you call a girl with a tile on her head
what do you call a girl with a tile on her head
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar...
what do elephants and grapes have in common
what do elephants and grapes have in common
what do you call a vicar on a motor bike?
what do you call a vicar on a motor bike?
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to London?
Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to London?
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says,
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says,
A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis."
Wot did the penguin police officer say 2 the snowman?
Wot did the penguin police officer say 2 the snowman?
What's a man's idea of helpin with the housework?
What's a man's idea of helpin with the housework?
what do you call a man with a shovel on his head
what do you call a man with a shovel on his head
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head
what do you call a man with a seagull on his head
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
doctor doctor i feel like a ball
doctor doctor i feel like a ball
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what sort of vegetables does a maths teacher eat?
what sort of vegetables does a maths teacher eat?
what is a monsoon
what is a monsoon
Why did the child study in the aeroplane ?
Why did the child study in the aeroplane ?
Do you know the time ?
Do you know the time ?
my wife just said shes leaving me because i never quite understand things between us
my wife just said shes leaving me because i never quite understand things between us
a fella got a bus today and asked me where the best boozer was
a fella got a bus today and asked me where the best boozer was
i was standing next to lady gaga in her meat dress
i was standing next to lady gaga in her meat dress
what colour is a burp
what colour is a burp
what has two hunps and is in the north pole
what has two hunps and is in the north pole
MONKEY ORGANIZATION ;
MONKEY ORGANIZATION ;
oi , Dont say anything ,but guess whos still together after all the shit between them ...?
oi , Dont say anything ,but guess whos still together after all the shit between them ...?
what is lime
what is lime
what does pi have to do with circles
what does pi have to do with circles
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
my girlfriend is so immature. when i,m in the bath
my girlfriend is so immature. when i,m in the bath
ketamine just say
ketamine just say
did you here about the man who dropped a viagra tablet in a lift
did you here about the man who dropped a viagra tablet in a lift
what has orange hair big feet and comes from a test tube
what has orange hair big feet and comes from a test tube
did you hear a bout the flasher who wanted to retire
did you hear a bout the flasher who wanted to retire
my dog only has 2 front legs i call him SMOKEY
my dog only has 2 front legs i call him SMOKEY
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and ha...
A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and ha...
The doctor called Mrs. Cooney over and gave her the news.
The doctor called Mrs. Cooney over and gave her the news. "I'm afraid your husband has a very serious illness. In fact, it might be fatal
Doctor: Your tonsils got to come out.
Doctor: Your tonsils got to come out.
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
what do vampires have for lunch?
what do vampires have for lunch?
I've just been given a 6 month suspension from football. I caught an opponent with a tackle that actually broke both his legs.
I've just been given a 6 month suspension from football. I caught an opponent with a tackle that actually broke both his legs.
two snowmen in a felid one says to the other ...
two snowmen in a felid one says to the other ...
WHAT DO U CALL A DONKEY WITH 3 LEGS?
WHAT DO U CALL A DONKEY WITH 3 LEGS?
friend told me this joke
friend told me this joke
why was a boy sent to boarding school
why was a boy sent to boarding school
which school is best to drop put of
which school is best to drop put of
WHY DID THE ORANGE STOP?
WHY DID THE ORANGE STOP?
• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.• My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.• H...
• I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.• My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can't hold it in.• H...
 man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions.
 man was summoned to court for punching his lawyer.During the process, the Judge asked him to explain his actions."Your Honor," replied the defen...
How do you get 2 whales in a car?
How do you get 2 whales in a car?
How come oysters never donate to charity?
How come oysters never donate to charity?
What did the talking hat say to the scarf?
What did the talking hat say to the scarf?
what do you call a chicken with one leg
what do you call a chicken with one leg
what do you call an itallianwith a rubber toe ?
what do you call an itallianwith a rubber toe ?
what you u call an italian toe
what you u call an italian toe
what is a yankee
what is a yankee
whats the best way to count cows?
whats the best way to count cows?
where do you find a queue of bees?
where do you find a queue of bees?
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?A reindeerGood, now name another
Name an animal that lives in Lapland?A reindeerGood, now name another
Quasimodo is sitting in the kitchen when his mother comes in, carrying a wok. He says,
Quasimodo is sitting in the kitchen when his mother comes in, carrying a wok. He says, "I love Chinese food!". Quasimodo's
what do you call a man with paper underpants?
what do you call a man with paper underpants?
joke
joke
joke
joke
They said we'd have a coloured president when pigs could fly
They said we'd have a coloured president when pigs could fly
If non smokers are so fond of fresh air
If non smokers are so fond of fresh air
Tiger Woods indulged in the traditional custom of kissing loved ones at midnight on New Year's Eve. He should be finished by
Tiger Woods indulged in the traditional custom of kissing loved ones at midnight on New Year's Eve. He should be finished by
 believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.I...
 believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.I...
whats a cats favourite breakfast?
whats a cats favourite breakfast?
whats a mouse's favourite game?
whats a mouse's favourite game?
for all those men who say
for all those men who say "why marry the cow when you can get milk for free "
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleep...
Observing The Baby One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleep...
what is gree and come out of your nose at 150 mph
what is gree and come out of your nose at 150 mph
how do you annoy a female archeologist
how do you annoy a female archeologist
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Sardar
Postman:- I Have To Come 5 Miles To Deliver U This Packet Sardar
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
Sardar at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art
wots long brown n sticky
wots long brown n sticky
wot u call a man wiv a seagull on his head
wot u call a man wiv a seagull on his head
whats the definition of a can of beans?
whats the definition of a can of beans?
hey man call me a taxi
hey man call me a taxi
doctor doctor i have a pain in my eye when ever i drink tea
doctor doctor i have a pain in my eye when ever i drink tea
Billing A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments an...
Billing A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments an...
what do you call a girl with a church on her head?
what do you call a girl with a church on her head?
what do you call a girl with a draughty church on her head?
what do you call a girl with a draughty church on her head?
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
what does a dog get when it leaves college
what does a dog get when it leaves college
what diploma do criminals get
what diploma do criminals get
A man gets into a taxi and says to the driver
A man gets into a taxi and says to the driver " Wanna solve a riddle?"
last night i lay there in my bed looking at the stars
last night i lay there in my bed looking at the stars
why do ducks have webbed feet?
why do ducks have webbed feet?
what are invisible and smell of carrots?
what are invisible and smell of carrots?
what do you call a man without a dog?
what do you call a man without a dog?
There were two people on a bench, one was named Pete and one was named Repeat. Pete fell off, who is left? Answer:Repeat
There were two people on a bench, one was named Pete and one was named Repeat. Pete fell off, who is left? Answer:Repeat
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
asked my butcher if he had any chicken wings and he said yes i said
asked my butcher if he had any chicken wings and he said yes i said
why did the monkey get lost
why did the monkey get lost
what does a penis and a rubix cube have in common?
what does a penis and a rubix cube have in common?
how does the moon cut his hair?
how does the moon cut his hair?
 three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one ...
 three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one ...
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs
Q: What do you call a dog with no legs
whats long hard and makes women moan
whats long hard and makes women moan
what do u call a fake noodle
what do u call a fake noodle
what do computers eat
what do computers eat
what is a cows favourite tv program?
what is a cows favourite tv program?
what has a bottom at the top?
what has a bottom at the top?
"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
 man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes...
 man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. He hasn't been feeling well and wants to find out if he's ill. After the checkup the doctor comes...
what is an astromomet
what is an astromomet
what does brazil produce that no other country produces
what does brazil produce that no other country produces
‎2 aeriels got married
‎2 aeriels got married
why did the boy throw his toast out the window
why did the boy throw his toast out the window
doctor doctor i feel sick with nerves
doctor doctor i feel sick with nerves
paddy sitting at home looking at his marriage certificate. Wife asks : what are you looking for?
paddy sitting at home looking at his marriage certificate. Wife asks : what are you looking for?
what do you call a man who does all the washing up, cleaning and is always helpfull
what do you call a man who does all the washing up, cleaning and is always helpfull
What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
What is black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?
Jesse starts wailing to the vet,
Jesse starts wailing to the vet, "you gotta save my dog, he looks real bad - please you just gotta!""There, there Jesse, your dog just has a broken hi...
there are six scottish cows in a field. which one is on hoilday
there are six scottish cows in a field. which one is on hoilday
a musician goes to the doctor and says  youve got to help me doc ive swallowed a mouth organ
a musician goes to the doctor and says  youve got to help me doc ive swallowed a mouth organ
what do u do if someone has a fit in the bath?
what do u do if someone has a fit in the bath?
what do u call a thieving chav?
what do u call a thieving chav?
knock knock
knock knock
Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?
Did you hear about the pregnant bedbug?
what does a bears wear as shoes?
what does a bears wear as shoes?
i went to the doc the other day because i kept hearing the coronation street theme  he said
i went to the doc the other day because i kept hearing the coronation street theme  he said
my friend sid has started calling himself s he says he has no choice
my friend sid has started calling himself s he says he has no choice
why do men act stupid
why do men act stupid
i have tickets for the comendy club in a few weeks time , but cant make it . if you want them let me know.
i have tickets for the comendy club in a few weeks time , but cant make it . if you want them let me know.
solidude.
solidude.
whats black and white and red all over ?
whats black and white and red all over ?
how does a husband help with housework
how does a husband help with housework
what's the difference between i don't know n neither do i? 
what's the difference between i don't know n neither do i? 
what noise does a cow make??
what noise does a cow make??
how did the wife stop her husband bitting his nail
how did the wife stop her husband bitting his nail
doctor doctor i feel like a lift
doctor doctor i feel like a lift
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas ...
A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas ...
So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.'I said 'Why?'
So I went to the dentist. He said 'Say Aaah.'I said 'Why?'
who said what goes up must come down
who said what goes up must come down
i lent a womam ten grand to get plastic surgery and now i dont know
i lent a womam ten grand to get plastic surgery and now i dont know
why do men have great ideas in bed
why do men have great ideas in bed
how do you know when a women is having a bad day
how do you know when a women is having a bad day
A cop stops a guy for running a stop sign. The driver immediately protests
A cop stops a guy for running a stop sign. The driver immediately protests "Oh come on, I slowed down! Stop, slow down, what's the difference?"The cop...
So a blond was speeding down the highway. All of a sudden she gets pulled over (obviously because she was speeding.)The cop who pulled her over was al...
So a blond was speeding down the highway. All of a sudden she gets pulled over (obviously because she was speeding.)The cop who pulled her over was al...
These are the 10 commandments of Bingo
These are the 10 commandments of Bingo
My English teacher once told me my grammer was crap,
My English teacher once told me my grammer was crap,
Two ladies playing bingo
Two ladies playing bingo
how do you spell mouse trap using only three letters?
how do you spell mouse trap using only three letters?
who was the most famous ant scientist?
who was the most famous ant scientist?
Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before retiring. Patient: You mean I don\'t need another bath until I\'m sixty-five?
Doctor: The best time to take a bath is just before retiring. Patient: You mean I don\'t need another bath until I\'m sixty-five?
paddy falls down a hole.
paddy falls down a hole. "whats down there?" Murphy asked, "milk" said paddy, "is it pasteurised?" asked Murphy" nah it's only to my knees" said pa...
Paddy found out his wife was having an affair, so decided 2 kill her and himself..He puts the gun to his head, looks at wife and says
Paddy found out his wife was having an affair, so decided 2 kill her and himself..He puts the gun to his head, looks at wife and says"don't laugh yo...
BEIJING, China. Responding to international criticism of new regulations that prohibit adoptions of Chinese babies by couples with physical or psychol...
BEIJING, China. Responding to international criticism of new regulations that prohibit adoptions of Chinese babies by couples with physical or psychol...
The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said
The teacher asked her students if anyone knew the answer to 2+2, they had three tries or they would not get recess. The first kid said "Uh, 14? "No," ...
Why did tigger stick his head down toilet???
Why did tigger stick his head down toilet???
Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby.Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.When they arrived home from the hospital, the par...
Little Johnny 's next door neighbors had a baby.Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.When they arrived home from the hospital, the par...
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.As she ran she kept praying,
One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn't be late for church.As she ran she kept praying, "Dear God, please don'...
whats green and goes up and down
whats green and goes up and down
Travel news. A lorry transporting Vics Vapour rub has overturned on the M6.
Travel news. A lorry transporting Vics Vapour rub has overturned on the M6.
whats the diff between ohhh and ahhhh
whats the diff between ohhh and ahhhh
what do u find in a clean nose ?
what do u find in a clean nose ?
once you have seen one ruby joke
once you have seen one ruby joke
i hated the lollipop lady at my school
i hated the lollipop lady at my school
why didnt sailors play cards
why didnt sailors play cards
daddy daddy i don,t like grandma
daddy daddy i don,t like grandma
what go's ooooooooooooooooooooo
what go's ooooooooooooooooooooo
What is a ghost's favorite party game? Hide-and-go-shriek.What do ghosts say when something is really neat? Ghoul!Why did the ghost rush home from sch...
What is a ghost's favorite party game? Hide-and-go-shriek.What do ghosts say when something is really neat? Ghoul!Why did the ghost rush home from sch...
What is a vampire's favorite film character? Batman. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires? Because it's a drain in the neck. If a snowman marri...
What is a vampire's favorite film character? Batman. Why do people hate being bitten by vampires? Because it's a drain in the neck. If a snowman marri...
what did earth say to saturn.
what did earth say to saturn.
what did the zoo keeper give the elephants for dinner
what did the zoo keeper give the elephants for dinner
WHAT DO YOU CALL A CHICKEN IN A SHELL SUIT !!!!!
WHAT DO YOU CALL A CHICKEN IN A SHELL SUIT !!!!!
The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match,with a $100 bet on the side.
The club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match,with a $100 bet on the side."But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better thanI...
Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years. Father: Well, keep at ...
Young Actor: Dad, guess what? I've just got my first part in a play. I play the part of a man who's been married for 30 years. Father: Well, keep at ...
what does the abominable snowman have for lunch?
what does the abominable snowman have for lunch?
what do sea monsters have for lunch?
what do sea monsters have for lunch?
mummy mummy wots for dinner
mummy mummy wots for dinner
wots black white and red all over
wots black white and red all over
If you want to kiss your hunny but her nose is kinda runny you may think it's funny If you want to kiss your hunny but her nose is kinda runny you may...
If you want to kiss your hunny but her nose is kinda runny you may think it's funny If you want to kiss your hunny but her nose is kinda runny you may...
What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses.
What does the sun drink out of? Sunglasses.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A  POPSTAR WITH A BISCUIT ON HIS HEAD ?
WHAT DO YOU CALL A  POPSTAR WITH A BISCUIT ON HIS HEAD ?
what did the elephant say to the naked man? how do you breathe through something so small.
what did the elephant say to the naked man? how do you breathe through something so small.
nock nock
nock nock
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
man buy wife trampoline bed
man buy wife trampoline bed
i wear trousers in our house .
i wear trousers in our house .
what did the baker get when he fell in the mud.
what did the baker get when he fell in the mud.
After she woke up, a woman told her husband,
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'...
I got so excited the first time I was in a limousine I got a little bit giddy. Started mooning out the window.Got in serious trouble too.
I got so excited the first time I was in a limousine I got a little bit giddy. Started mooning out the window.Got in serious trouble too.
 went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In...
 went to the movie theater the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dachshund. It was a sad, funny kind of film. In...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, th...
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, th...
why does it take a woman with pmt an hour to change a lightbulb
why does it take a woman with pmt an hour to change a lightbulb
why do humming birds hum?
why do humming birds hum?
how do you stop birds building nests?
how do you stop birds building nests?
WHAT DO YOU CALL A 6FT BUDGIE WEARING BOXING GLOVES
WHAT DO YOU CALL A 6FT BUDGIE WEARING BOXING GLOVES
knock knock, who's there? scott. scott who? scott nothing to do with you.
knock knock, who's there? scott. scott who? scott nothing to do with you.
a real manis a womans best friend.he will neva stand up 2 her or let her down.he willreassure her when feelin insecureand comfort her after a bad day....
a real manis a womans best friend.he will neva stand up 2 her or let her down.he willreassure her when feelin insecureand comfort her after a bad day....
did you hear about the man who stole a calander
did you hear about the man who stole a calander
what did the bimbo say when she opend a box of cherio's?
what did the bimbo say when she opend a box of cherio's?
just ask
just ask
where do computers buy sweaters?
where do computers buy sweaters?
what is a bakers favourite dog?
what is a bakers favourite dog?
what happened when the school libarian got arrested
what happened when the school libarian got arrested
why is a dictionary dangerous
why is a dictionary dangerous
i went the chemist and said can i have a bottle of shampooplease.the woman behind the counter said extra volume.
i went the chemist and said can i have a bottle of shampooplease.the woman behind the counter said extra volume.
across the skies the thunder god did ride. and the horse replied.
across the skies the thunder god did ride. and the horse replied.
where do you take a sick octopus?
where do you take a sick octopus?
what's green and prickly?
what's green and prickly?
i woke up to discover somebody had built a three foot high wall, all the way round my house.
i woke up to discover somebody had built a three foot high wall, all the way round my house.
fisher man texts his mate that a crocodile just bit his leg off. which one his mate texts back.
fisher man texts his mate that a crocodile just bit his leg off. which one his mate texts back.
what happened to irish woman ironing ger curtains?
what happened to irish woman ironing ger curtains?
What did the scarf say to the hat?
What did the scarf say to the hat?
why did the ice cream cry
why did the ice cream cry
when my dear nan finally passed i thought
when my dear nan finally passed i thought
after a long career of being blasted into a net. the human cannonball was tired.he told the circus ownerhe was going to retire.but you carnt said his ...
after a long career of being blasted into a net. the human cannonball was tired.he told the circus ownerhe was going to retire.but you carnt said his ...
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of mr schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the la...
A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of mr schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the la...
what do you call a sheep on a trampoline ?
what do you call a sheep on a trampoline ?
What did one eye say to the other?
What did one eye say to the other?
whats green and gos up and down???
whats green and gos up and down???
ON TURNING 70:
ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill".ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
 was talking to a guy in the line at the store. The conversation got around to wives, and he said he had been widowed three times. I said
 was talking to a guy in the line at the store. The conversation got around to wives, and he said he had been widowed three times. I said "Three ...
what do you call a women with egg and bacon on her head
what do you call a women with egg and bacon on her head
a rabbi,a priest, and a bishop walked into a bar. the bartender looked up and said
a rabbi,a priest, and a bishop walked into a bar. the bartender looked up and said
two fleas left the pictures. once outside,one said to the other
two fleas left the pictures. once outside,one said to the other
i got really emotional today at the petrol station.i dont know why,
i got really emotional today at the petrol station.i dont know why,
what do you call a spaniard who just got out of hospital,
what do you call a spaniard who just got out of hospital,
what is fastest thing on two legs
what is fastest thing on two legs
I brought my friend a prostetic leg for xmas
I brought my friend a prostetic leg for xmas
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says D...
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,' says D...
A cat falls into a pool of water and a rooster laughs. What does this mean?
A cat falls into a pool of water and a rooster laughs. What does this mean?
wit wooooo
wit wooooo
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together
ive persuadad the wife to join a bridge club.
ive persuadad the wife to join a bridge club.
i won 100 hundred last week betting on a horse called t bone.
i won 100 hundred last week betting on a horse called t bone.
broke my arm in two places.
broke my arm in two places.
over the hill
over the hill
Dracula and the nuns
Dracula and the nuns
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.I fir...
I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.I fir...
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky.
Why is the air so clean and healthy on Halloween? Because there are so many witches sweeping the sky.
joke
joke
whats black and white and sneaky?
whats black and white and sneaky?
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
you never know whats round the corner....
you never know whats round the corner....
what was the cold war
what was the cold war
where do finns come from
where do finns come from
why do rabbits chew carrots?
why do rabbits chew carrots?
why do rabbits have long ears?
why do rabbits have long ears?
Where did vampires go to first in America? New Fangland. What happened at the vampires reunion? All the blood relations went.
Where did vampires go to first in America? New Fangland. What happened at the vampires reunion? All the blood relations went.
What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary. What's a vampire's favorite dance? The fangdango.
What's a vampire's favorite drink? A Bloody Mary. What's a vampire's favorite dance? The fangdango.
CHRISTMAS  !!!!!!!!!!!
CHRISTMAS  !!!!!!!!!!!
how'd u make a snooker table laugh
how'd u make a snooker table laugh
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
What's a cold, evil candle called?
What's a cold, evil candle called?
you wont hear from me 4 a whilemate. Being investigated for steling swimming pool inflatables
you wont hear from me 4 a whilemate. Being investigated for steling swimming pool inflatables
two fish in a tank
two fish in a tank
two snowmen in a field
two snowmen in a field
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 mo...
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 mo...
What do cows do for entertainment?
What do cows do for entertainment?
Why are there no asprins in the jungle
Why are there no asprins in the jungle
what game is the smelliest to play?
what game is the smelliest to play?
why do elephants all have grey trunks?
why do elephants all have grey trunks?
TESCO'S
TESCO'S
whats black and white and goes thump thump smash?
whats black and white and goes thump thump smash?
What did the pepper shaker get sent down for?
What did the pepper shaker get sent down for?
what has four legs and goes oom oom?
what has four legs and goes oom oom?
what has four legs and  goes oow oow?
what has four legs and  goes oow oow?
what do football players drink
what do football players drink
did you here about the irishman tap dancing ?
did you here about the irishman tap dancing ?
why do giraffe;s have long knecks
why do giraffe;s have long knecks
On 10th October 2010 the Center for Disease Control (CDC) issued a medical alert.Nationally hospital clinicans have diagnosed several of their patien...
On 10th October 2010 the Center for Disease Control (CDC) issued a medical alert.Nationally hospital clinicans have diagnosed several of their patien...
PREMENSTRAL SYNDROME DEFINED
PREMENSTRAL SYNDROME DEFINED
A  Frog Meets  A Psychic
A  Frog Meets  A Psychic
Smart Dog
Smart Dog
i got really emotional today at the petrol station......
i got really emotional today at the petrol station......
what was wrong with wooden cars?
what was wrong with wooden cars?
why don't traffic lights go swimming?
why don't traffic lights go swimming?
whats the diffrence!
whats the diffrence!
whats the diffrence!
whats the diffrence!
Police Station toilet stolen
Police Station toilet stolen
Money isn't everything
Money isn't everything
the inviiblemans disguise was no good
the inviiblemans disguise was no good
police came past my door saying
police came past my door saying "Your dog was chasing somebody on a bike".
what do you get if you sit under a cow?
what do you get if you sit under a cow?
what films do cows like best?
what films do cows like best?
Whats the diffrence ????
Whats the diffrence ????
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
Last night, my friends and I went to our local Bingo Club as they put on some male dancers for us.
my friend had a strange ambition to be run over by a train
my friend had a strange ambition to be run over by a train
whats the difference between a cat and a frog?
whats the difference between a cat and a frog?
what did the frog order at the fast food restaurant?
what did the frog order at the fast food restaurant?
Four Worms and a lesson to be learned
Four Worms and a lesson to be learned
Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove ...
Young Chuck moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day. The next Day he drove ...
i cant wait for next month,the chemist will be selling tampons with tinsel on them instead of string.
i cant wait for next month,the chemist will be selling tampons with tinsel on them instead of string.
Oh doctor said the man as he regained consciousness. Tell me please, was the operation successful.
Oh doctor said the man as he regained consciousness. Tell me please, was the operation successful.
The 2 men had just reached the 10th hole when a funeral procession went slowly by. The first man stopped playing, took his hat off and bowed his head....
The 2 men had just reached the 10th hole when a funeral procession went slowly by. The first man stopped playing, took his hat off and bowed his head....
A psychiatrist is conducting a group session, with 4 young mothers and their kids.
A psychiatrist is conducting a group session, with 4 young mothers and their kids.
3 parrots for sale £170, £150 and £10.Woman asks
3 parrots for sale £170, £150 and £10.Woman asks"why is that parrot so cheap?" shopkeeper replies"it used to live in a brothel". The...
My dead Nan
My dead Nan
Fireworks are like Farts . . .
Fireworks are like Farts . . .
why are softies like cinderella?
why are softies like cinderella?
why was the centipede angry?
why was the centipede angry?
2 fish in a tank
2 fish in a tank
two ladies out for lunch, having a gossip, when one of them says my husbands right up there, a real angel!
two ladies out for lunch, having a gossip, when one of them says my husbands right up there, a real angel!
Did you hear about the man who so hated his mother-in-law he cut the tail off his dog.
Did you hear about the man who so hated his mother-in-law he cut the tail off his dog.
Did you hear about the manwho had over 50 dogs in his house
Did you hear about the manwho had over 50 dogs in his house
A nun is sitting in the bath when there is a knock at the door.
A nun is sitting in the bath when there is a knock at the door.
A frog goes to see the doctor:
A frog goes to see the doctor:
did you hear about the wig shop in london getting robbed last night? 
did you hear about the wig shop in london getting robbed last night? 
how did vikings send messages
how did vikings send messages
why was the monster good at school
why was the monster good at school
Man Ironing??
Man Ironing??
what animal flies around the jungle?
what animal flies around the jungle?
whats yellow and dangerous?
whats yellow and dangerous?
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the dri...
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a ...
whichh big cat should you never play cards with
whichh big cat should you never play cards with
why did the chichen cross the road
why did the chichen cross the road
The wife and I went to see a marriage counsellor.  He asked if I knew what my wife's favourite flower was.  I held her hand and looked lovin...
The wife and I went to see a marriage counsellor.  He asked if I knew what my wife's favourite flower was.  I held her hand and looked lovin...
Saying is ,,,,,,
Saying is ,,,,,,
what is green and dangerous?
what is green and dangerous?
whats yellow, brown and green and is dangerous?
whats yellow, brown and green and is dangerous?
whats the difference between a school dinner and a bucket of pigs swill
whats the difference between a school dinner and a bucket of pigs swill
what do farmers learn at school
what do farmers learn at school
Marriage is not a word. 
Marriage is not a word. 
Husband watching T.V. wife comes in and says,
Husband watching T.V. wife comes in and says, "I just fell down the stairs,didnt you hear me?"
what did the big chimley say to the little chimley
what did the big chimley say to the little chimley
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
what is the scariest insect?
what is the scariest insect?
A blonde girl goes into a hair salon and she's wearing earphones connected to her walkman. She tells the hair stylist to cut her hair but NOT to take ...
A blonde girl goes into a hair salon and she's wearing earphones connected to her walkman. She tells the hair stylist to cut her hair but NOT to take ...
saying....
saying....
A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbour digging a hole in the back garden.
A man looks over his garden wall to see his neighbour digging a hole in the back garden.
In the middle of the night, the woman nudged her husband saying,
In the middle of the night, the woman nudged her husband saying, "Jack I think I heard a noise downstairs. Are you awake?"
how do you know when you've got a hippo in the fridge?
how do you know when you've got a hippo in the fridge?
how do you get an elephant in the fridge?
how do you get an elephant in the fridge?
why shouldn't you eat green elephants?
why shouldn't you eat green elephants?
what is grey and squirts jam at you?
what is grey and squirts jam at you?
what do you get when you cross french lessons with school dinners?
what do you get when you cross french lessons with school dinners?
which animal is the highest form of life?
which animal is the highest form of life?
Knock KnockWho's there?Sybil!
Knock KnockWho's there?Sybil!
Knock KnockWho's there?Avocado!Avocado who?Avocado a cold!
Knock KnockWho's there?Avocado!Avocado who?Avocado a cold!
where do cows go on holiday?
where do cows go on holiday?
where do pigs go on holiday?
where do pigs go on holiday?
 businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his sh...
 businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his sh...
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her,
A woman in the bar says that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts. Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that....
As the motorcyclist drew up to the traffic lights, a car screeched to a halt and a man jumped out and ran up to him. For goodness sake man didn,t you ...
As the motorcyclist drew up to the traffic lights, a car screeched to a halt and a man jumped out and ran up to him. For goodness sake man didn,t you ...
I would like to be painted in the nude, said the beautiful young girl to the famous artist.
I would like to be painted in the nude, said the beautiful young girl to the famous artist.
how many animals can u get in a c-nd-m?
how many animals can u get in a c-nd-m?
guess who? moss who
guess who? moss who
a woman was shaving her armpits when she slipped and cut off her nipple.she rushed to the doctors who said did you bring it cos i can sew it back on.i...
a woman was shaving her armpits when she slipped and cut off her nipple.she rushed to the doctors who said did you bring it cos i can sew it back on.i...
 What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
 What did the snowman order at McDonalds?
How can a snowman lose weight?
How can a snowman lose weight?
2 friends were talking over the garden wall.
2 friends were talking over the garden wall.
The social saidto johnny, Why don,t you get a job so you can put some money in the bank until 1 day you,ll have enough money to retire and you can sto...
The social saidto johnny, Why don,t you get a job so you can put some money in the bank until 1 day you,ll have enough money to retire and you can sto...
Going back in time a bit, a couple who had just got wed, headed of on their honeymoon on a horse and cart. A way up the road the horse reared up. The ...
Going back in time a bit, a couple who had just got wed, headed of on their honeymoon on a horse and cart. A way up the road the horse reared up. The ...
 elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she rep...
 elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she rep...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
Oh tracy, I love you, he wailed. Please tell me theres no one else in your life.
Oh tracy, I love you, he wailed. Please tell me theres no one else in your life.
A young boy walked into a bar and asked for a bottle of beer and 20 ciggies. Now now said the barmaid do you want to get me into trouble.
A young boy walked into a bar and asked for a bottle of beer and 20 ciggies. Now now said the barmaid do you want to get me into trouble.
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
whats the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits a windscreen?
whats the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits a windscreen?
A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot, every time he does a trick the parrot shouts
A magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoilt by the ships parrot, every time he does a trick the parrot shouts "it's in his pock...
wot as an elephant got that no other animal has?
wot as an elephant got that no other animal has?
there are 10 fish in a fish tank and  3 drown. how fish is left?
there are 10 fish in a fish tank and  3 drown. how fish is left?
 Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
 Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
What dog keeps the best time?
What dog keeps the best time?
how do you know which end of a worm is its head?
how do you know which end of a worm is its head?
what invention allows you to see through walls?
what invention allows you to see through walls?
what do you get when you cross art lessons with a dog
what do you get when you cross art lessons with a dog
why did the dinner lady lock herself in the fridge
why did the dinner lady lock herself in the fridge
How things really work  
How things really work  
ha ha ha
ha ha ha
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold?
What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
What do you get if you cross a cat with a bottle of vinegar?
I was in the pub the other day after the landlord accused me of breaking the fruit machine...
I was in the pub the other day after the landlord accused me of breaking the fruit machine...
what colour is a burp?
what colour is a burp?
how do spacemen tie their laces?
how do spacemen tie their laces?
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my&n...
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my&n...
Isn't it strange how hot sexy women. always drive cute little cars
Isn't it strange how hot sexy women. always drive cute little cars
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
how does robin hood tie his shoelaces?
how does robin hood tie his shoelaces?
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mou...
A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mou...
There is 10 hens in a cottage and it seems to be that 3 hens have flew away out the window. How many hens are left?
There is 10 hens in a cottage and it seems to be that 3 hens have flew away out the window. How many hens are left?
a woman put her hand up my kilt n said its grewsome a said its just grew some more lolololol
a woman put her hand up my kilt n said its grewsome a said its just grew some more lolololol
What does Jack Frost eat for breakfast?
What does Jack Frost eat for breakfast?
 
 
what has 20 feet and sounds awful?
what has 20 feet and sounds awful?
what has a Q and lots of Ps and smells awful?
what has a Q and lots of Ps and smells awful?
what do elves sing ta santa???
what do elves sing ta santa???
how do you do a mary poppins reinactment
how do you do a mary poppins reinactment
My wife sent me out to get her some thing sexy
My wife sent me out to get her some thing sexy
You are looking purple to day, are you confused yes! WHY?
You are looking purple to day, are you confused yes! WHY?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
where do you send a kangaroo to get glasses?
where do you send a kangaroo to get glasses?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in leaves?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in leaves?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what is an organiser
what is an organiser
what is a exit
what is a exit
A little girl asks her mum,
A little girl asks her mum,"Where did we all come from?"
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
knock knock
knock knock
kate to the queen: every time i give wiliam a bj i get a upset tummy
kate to the queen: every time i give wiliam a bj i get a upset tummy
knock knock!
knock knock!
Just washed my leopard skin rug the other day.......
Just washed my leopard skin rug the other day.......
Just washed my leopard skin rug the other day.......
Just washed my leopard skin rug the other day.......
why did the chip cross the road
why did the chip cross the road
what do you get if you cross a cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a stupid cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a stupid cow with an earthquake?
Did you hear about the two Irish scientists who sent a rocket to the sun without any heat shields? It was alright though
Did you hear about the two Irish scientists who sent a rocket to the sun without any heat shields? It was alright though
What do you call an Irish spider?
What do you call an Irish spider?
Dont Mess With Us Oldies
Dont Mess With Us Oldies
Honeymoon
Honeymoon
why did the cow jump over the moon?
why did the cow jump over the moon?
what do you call a dog laying in front of the fire?
what do you call a dog laying in front of the fire?
i all ways buy potatoes with eyes in them
i all ways buy potatoes with eyes in them
when is the best time to gather fruit
when is the best time to gather fruit
what is raised in a damp climate
what is raised in a damp climate
the people of afganistan dont like the flintstones
the people of afganistan dont like the flintstones
how do the three bears keep their house safe?
how do the three bears keep their house safe?
how did the fast food restaurant keep their french fries safe?
how did the fast food restaurant keep their french fries safe?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
 What dog keeps the best time?
 What dog keeps the best time?
doctor doctor;     i think i,m a pair of curtains
doctor doctor;     i think i,m a pair of curtains
what do giraffes have that other animals dont have?
what do giraffes have that other animals dont have?
why dont grasshoppers play football?
why dont grasshoppers play football?
 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a st...
 guys were riding in a car: a hardware technician, a systems analyst, and a programmer. The systems analyst is driving and when they come to a st...
man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday.
man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up brigh...
heard about the guy who died drinking milk?
heard about the guy who died drinking milk?
whats Rupert Bears middle name?
whats Rupert Bears middle name?
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
what is air
what is air
what do you get when you cross biology lessons with teachers
what do you get when you cross biology lessons with teachers
why do rabbits chew carrots?
why do rabbits chew carrots?
why do rabbits have long ears?
why do rabbits have long ears?
whats a butchers favourite dog?
whats a butchers favourite dog?
whats a bakers favourite dog?
whats a bakers favourite dog?
what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
what do you call a chicken in a shell suit?
what do blondes and mopeds have in common?
what do blondes and mopeds have in common?
Where do snowmen go to dance
Where do snowmen go to dance
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a shark
whats a greengrocers favourite dog?
whats a greengrocers favourite dog?
what goes moo-chew-pop! moo-chew-pop! ?
what goes moo-chew-pop! moo-chew-pop! ?
husband and wife walk into the doctors. the husband explains to the doctor
husband and wife walk into the doctors. the husband explains to the doctor "evrytime i kiss my wife she farts". the doctor looks puzzled and asks...
what do you call someone who keeps talking when no-one is listening?
what do you call someone who keeps talking when no-one is listening?
Why was santas little helper depressed???
Why was santas little helper depressed???
I heard that  You Tube  Twitter and Facebook are going to merge, and  will be known as
I heard that  You Tube  Twitter and Facebook are going to merge, and  will be known as
what insect robs banks?
what insect robs banks?
what insect robs small banks?
what insect robs small banks?
Where does the one legged waitress work?
Where does the one legged waitress work?
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen. Which one is the real cowboy?
man, my son  swallowed a key doc, when man ,three weeks ago doc ,wot were you doing till  now
man, my son  swallowed a key doc, when man ,three weeks ago doc ,wot were you doing till  now
Two strings walked into a bar. The bartender said,
Two strings walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Hey, we don't serve strings here!" The strings walked out of the bar, tied themselves together, an...
what insect robs banks but always gets caught?
what insect robs banks but always gets caught?
where do  computers buy sweaters?
where do  computers buy sweaters?
what do you call a fly with no wings?
what do you call a fly with no wings?
what has 100 legs but can't walk?
what has 100 legs but can't walk?
during a recent survey an estimated 70% of women said they preferred oral sex
during a recent survey an estimated 70% of women said they preferred oral sex
whats brown and sticky
whats brown and sticky
what do you call a man with a spade on his head
what do you call a man with a spade on his head
what do you call a man without a spade on his head
what do you call a man without a spade on his head
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" The other replies, "Well I don't know. You...
one sunday morning an elderly couple were in their local church listening to the sermon when suddenly the old lady starts to nudge her husband...... g...
one sunday morning an elderly couple were in their local church listening to the sermon when suddenly the old lady starts to nudge her husband...... g...
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says
A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says "Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!". ...
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an ...
During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband: Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an ...
Paddy and Murphy are on a building site. Paddy says
Paddy and Murphy are on a building site. Paddy says " I want a day off sick, I'm gonna pretend I'm mad". He climbs up to the rafters and hangs upside ...
what do you give a butterfly with a sore throat?
what do you give a butterfly with a sore throat?
what do you give an ant with a sore throat?
what do you give an ant with a sore throat?
Just got home to find all the windows forced open and everything taken.
Just got home to find all the windows forced open and everything taken.
why do dogs have fur coats?
why do dogs have fur coats?
what do you call a dinosaur that is always on time?
what do you call a dinosaur that is always on time?
Lie Detector
Lie Detector
Bronze Silver Medals
Bronze Silver Medals
what was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
what was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
why did the fish cross the road?
why did the fish cross the road?
where do dinoasurs wear ties?
where do dinoasurs wear ties?
what do you get if you cross a dog with an elephant?
what do you get if you cross a dog with an elephant?
what do you get if you cross a pig with a dinoaur?
what do you get if you cross a pig with a dinoaur?
a woman falls from the top of the stairs to the bottom,,,,,comes limping into the front room and says to her husband whose just sitting there ,,,didnt...
a woman falls from the top of the stairs to the bottom,,,,,comes limping into the front room and says to her husband whose just sitting there ,,,didnt...
a priest buys a tub of margarine opens the lid   and sees a picture of what looks like jesus,,,,,he showed it to his muslim friend who looked at ...
a priest buys a tub of margarine opens the lid   and sees a picture of what looks like jesus,,,,,he showed it to his muslim friend who looked at ...
what is black and white and black and white and black and white?
what is black and white and black and white and black and white?
what do you call a boy with a spade on his head?
what do you call a boy with a spade on his head?
what is brown and sticky?
what is brown and sticky?
what looks like a stick, smells like a stick but isn't a stick?
what looks like a stick, smells like a stick but isn't a stick?
what is a cannibal
what is a cannibal
why was the fourth bridge built
why was the fourth bridge built
how many eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
how many eggs does it take to make a stink bomb?
what game is the smelliest to play?
what game is the smelliest to play?
what do u call a dear with no eyes
what do u call a dear with no eyes
did you hear the one about the ship full of yo-yos that hit a rock?
did you hear the one about the ship full of yo-yos that hit a rock?
how many rude people does it take to change a light bulb?
how many rude people does it take to change a light bulb?
mick is driving past the bus stop and sees paddy standing there,
mick is driving past the bus stop and sees paddy standing there, "want a lift?" asks mick..
some one threw a turnip at me the other day
some one threw a turnip at me the other day
why do elephants all have grey trunks?
why do elephants all have grey trunks?
what would you get if you crossed an elephant with a kangaroo?
what would you get if you crossed an elephant with a kangaroo?
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
what has four legs and goes oom oom?
what has four legs and goes oom oom?
what was wrong with wooden cars?
what was wrong with wooden cars?
what do you call a french girl with a cream bun on her head?
what do you call a french girl with a cream bun on her head?
what do you call a girl with a lawnmower on her head?
what do you call a girl with a lawnmower on her head?
what animal flies around the jungle?
what animal flies around the jungle?
what films do cows like?
what films do cows like?
what do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower?
what do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower?
whats white and fluffy and swings through the jungle?
whats white and fluffy and swings through the jungle?
Knock Knock Who's there
Knock Knock Who's there
what do you get if you sit under a cow?
what do you get if you sit under a cow?
why are softies like cinderella?
why are softies like cinderella?
what's a man;s idea of helping with the housework
what's a man;s idea of helping with the housework
What sort of cheese can you hide a horse in?
What sort of cheese can you hide a horse in?
why men dont write advise colums
why men dont write advise colums
whats big and grey and has four wheels?
whats big and grey and has four wheels?
whats yellow, green and brown and dangerous?
whats yellow, green and brown and dangerous?
what is gery, has big ears and a trunk?
what is gery, has big ears and a trunk?
what do you call an artic cow?
what do you call an artic cow?
whats the most popular wine at xmas
whats the most popular wine at xmas
how do elves greet each other
how do elves greet each other
why did the orange stop ?
why did the orange stop ?
why did the snooker player go to the toillet ?
why did the snooker player go to the toillet ?
somebody rang my wife and, 'i saw your husband on the beach with a blond on his arm.
somebody rang my wife and, 'i saw your husband on the beach with a blond on his arm.
whats big and grey and has four wheels?
whats big and grey and has four wheels?
whats green and dangerous?
whats green and dangerous?
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump?
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump?
what goes tring, tring whizz?
what goes tring, tring whizz?
wherre do injured wasps go.to be treated.
wherre do injured wasps go.to be treated.
why didnt the skeleton go to the ball
why didnt the skeleton go to the ball
Walking in a doggy wonderland
Walking in a doggy wonderland
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
what do you get if you cross a teacher with a vampire?
what is the scariest insect?
what is the scariest insect?
who grants fish three wishes?
who grants fish three wishes?
what fish can fix pianos?
what fish can fix pianos?
what do you call a man in a catapillar outfit?
what do you call a man in a catapillar outfit?
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
What did Adam say on the day before christmas?
What did Adam say on the day before christmas?
where cant you park in the jungle?
where cant you park in the jungle?
what do you call a sick pig?
what do you call a sick pig?
what do u call a deer with no eyes
what do u call a deer with no eyes
how do you know if youve got a hippo in your fridge?
how do you know if youve got a hippo in your fridge?
why shouldnt you eat green elephants?
why shouldnt you eat green elephants?
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
What kind of tree do fingers grow on?
What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is a alight?
What do you get if Santa comes down your chimney when the fire is a alight?
whats grey and squirts jams at you?
whats grey and squirts jams at you?
where do cows go on holiday?
where do cows go on holiday?
what do you give a sick parrot?
what do you give a sick parrot?
how do you stop your nose from running?
how do you stop your nose from running?
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
What did the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine?
What does a frog do if his car breaks down
What does a frog do if his car breaks down
where do pigs go on holiday?
where do pigs go on holiday?
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
what do you get if you cross a giant mosquito with a computer?
what do you get if you cross a giant mosquito with a computer?
how do chickens communicate ?
how do chickens communicate ?
Knock-Knock!Who's there?Bee Eye.Bee Eye who?B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
Knock-Knock!Who's there?Bee Eye.Bee Eye who?B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O, and BINGO is my name-o
what goes black white black white?
what goes black white black white?
how do you get three softies out of a tree?
how do you get three softies out of a tree?
how do spacemen tie their shoelaces?
how do spacemen tie their shoelaces?
how do parrots communicate?
how do parrots communicate?
whats pink and wobbles?
whats pink and wobbles?
a man says to a woman in a pub iv got an 8 inch dick and i can keep you going all night,so she goes back home with him,in the morning she says, you &n...
a man says to a woman in a pub iv got an 8 inch dick and i can keep you going all night,so she goes back home with him,in the morning she says, you &n...
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
how does robin hood tie his shoelaces?
how does robin hood tie his shoelaces?
whats the difference between babies and football players?
whats the difference between babies and football players?
what do you get if you dial 666?
what do you get if you dial 666?
why doesn't the chicken wear underpants ?
why doesn't the chicken wear underpants ?
what has 20 feet and sounds awful?
what has 20 feet and sounds awful?
what has a Q and lots of Ps and smells awful?
what has a Q and lots of Ps and smells awful?
what do you get if you dial 01245-5738-9543-5612-2310?
what do you get if you dial 01245-5738-9543-5612-2310?
what dog washes itself?
what dog washes itself?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
where do you send a kangaroo to get glasses?
where do you send a kangaroo to get glasses?
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats green and hangs from caves?
whats green and hangs from caves?
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replie...
An elderly woman went to her local doctor’s office and asked to speak with her doctor. When the receptionist asked why she was there, she replie...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
My parents recently retired. Mom always wanted to learn to play the piano, so dad bought her a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how ...
what do call a man with bag on head
what do call a man with bag on head
How do crazy people go through the forest?
How do crazy people go through the forest?
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in trees?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in trees?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what do you call two rows of cabbages?
what do you call two rows of cabbages?
how do you keep someone in suspense?
how do you keep someone in suspense?
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS - HEALTH & SAFETY
POLITICAL CORRECTNESS - HEALTH & SAFETY
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
why do birds fly south for the winter?
why do birds fly south for the winter?
whats big and red and stands in the corner?
whats big and red and stands in the corner?
What do you call a man with a plank on his head
What do you call a man with a plank on his head
Why do cats play bingo?
Why do cats play bingo?
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
Q. What do you call a brunette between two blondes???
: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said
: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
what do you get if you cross a cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a stupid cow with an earthquake?
what do you get if you cross a stupid cow with an earthquake?
did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? 
did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? 
what do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean
what do you call 100 men at the bottom of the ocean
i'll tell u how to beat the gamnling in Las Vegas,
i'll tell u how to beat the gamnling in Las Vegas,
I went into mc donalds yesterday and said 'id like some fries'
I went into mc donalds yesterday and said 'id like some fries'
walkin through the wood one day i met a mushroom
walkin through the wood one day i met a mushroom
read below :) 
read below :) 
why did the orange use suntan lotion? 
why did the orange use suntan lotion? 
what do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
what do you do if an elephant comes through your window?
a man walked into the doctors, he said, i've hurt my arm in several places.
a man walked into the doctors, he said, i've hurt my arm in several places.
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
what do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
My Psychiatrist told me i was crazy and i said i want a second opinion, 
My Psychiatrist told me i was crazy and i said i want a second opinion, 
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
why did the orange stop at the top of the hill?
why did the orange stop at the top of the hill?
i went to the butchers the other day and bet him £50 that he couldnt reach the meat off the top shelf!
i went to the butchers the other day and bet him £50 that he couldnt reach the meat off the top shelf!
what do you call moaris on prozac?
what do you call moaris on prozac?
MY friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. 
MY friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. 
why did the hedgehog cross the road? 
why did the hedgehog cross the road? 
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of...
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of...
dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging.
How many ears did davy crockett have? 
How many ears did davy crockett have? 
what do you call a cow with no legs? 
what do you call a cow with no legs? 
how do you get an elephant into a fridge?
how do you get an elephant into a fridge?
why shouldnt you eat a green elephant?
why shouldnt you eat a green elephant?
whats black and white and sneaky?
whats black and white and sneaky?
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
whats yellow and smells of bananas?
i havent spoken to my wife for 6 months. .
i havent spoken to my wife for 6 months. .
My mother-in-law works at the airport
My mother-in-law works at the airport
dogs have masters :) 
dogs have masters :) 
i didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a 
i didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a 
whats orange and sounds like a parrot! ? 
whats orange and sounds like a parrot! ? 
i went to a seafood disco last week,,,,,
i went to a seafood disco last week,,,,,
whats grey and squirts jam at you?
whats grey and squirts jam at you?
where do cows go on holiday?
where do cows go on holiday?
what lives in the sea and goes to the toilet eight times a day?
what lives in the sea and goes to the toilet eight times a day?
where do all the old vampires live?
where do all the old vampires live?
man walks into a bar
man walks into a bar
what travels all around the world but always stays in the corner?
what travels all around the world but always stays in the corner?
WHAT IS AS BIG AS A DINOSAUR BUT WEIGH'S NOTHING ??
WHAT IS AS BIG AS A DINOSAUR BUT WEIGH'S NOTHING ??
HOW DOES A MONKEY GET DOWN THE STAIRS ???
HOW DOES A MONKEY GET DOWN THE STAIRS ???
where do pigs go on holiday?
where do pigs go on holiday?
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
where do great big hairy gorillas go on holiday?
if a red house is made with red bricks, yellow house with yellow bricks whats a green house made from ?
if a red house is made with red bricks, yellow house with yellow bricks whats a green house made from ?
A women went to the police station...(women)..my husband went to the market for potatoes for the dinner and hasn't came back...
A women went to the police station...(women)..my husband went to the market for potatoes for the dinner and hasn't came back...
whats the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits a windscreen?
whats the last thing that goes through a flys mind when it hits a windscreen?
how do you know which end of a worm is its head?
how do you know which end of a worm is its head?
what does the abominable snowman have for lunch?
what does the abominable snowman have for lunch?
what do sea monsters have for lunch?
what do sea monsters have for lunch?
i had sex with a 60-stone woman last night
i had sex with a 60-stone woman last night
I said to my girlfriend; you remind me of the sea.she said is that because i am wild, romantic and exciting?
I said to my girlfriend; you remind me of the sea.she said is that because i am wild, romantic and exciting?
what invention allows you to see through walls?
what invention allows you to see through walls?
what colour is a burp?
what colour is a burp?
what do vampires have for lunch?
what do vampires have for lunch?
whats yellow on thhe inside and purple on the outside?
whats yellow on thhe inside and purple on the outside?
how do spacemen tie their shoelaces?
how do spacemen tie their shoelaces?
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
how do fish tie their shoelaces?
what do you get if you put candles on a toilet?
what do you get if you put candles on a toilet?
whats the slowest animal on earth?
whats the slowest animal on earth?
why did the penguins jump when they first met
why did the penguins jump when they first met
I have just        got    a job as a post man.
I have just        got    a job as a post man.
what wobbles in the sky?
what wobbles in the sky?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
what do you get if you cross a lawnmower with a budgie?
who invented fireplaces?
who invented fireplaces?
whats the fastest animal on earth?
whats the fastest animal on earth?
MUM:  son is your cough any better?
MUM:  son is your cough any better?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in leaves?
what do you call a boy who likes rolling in leaves?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what do you call a boy who likes floating in the sea?
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head?
what do you call a girl with a tennis ball on her head?
what do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other/
what do you call a girl with one leg shorter than the other/
what language do penguins speak
what language do penguins speak
name a penguin who was an impressioist artist
name a penguin who was an impressioist artist
A policeman pulled up paddy coming out of the pub, he had drank 16 pints and was swerving all over the road.
A policeman pulled up paddy coming out of the pub, he had drank 16 pints and was swerving all over the road. "Paddy I do believe you are d...
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for some duck food. The bar tender says
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender for some duck food. The bar tender says "We dont have any duck food and we don't serve duc...
On wall in ladies room
On wall in ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere..."
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what kind of coffee do vampires drink?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
what did the witch ask for at the hotel?
whats the difference between kids and sprouts?
whats the difference between kids and sprouts?
what sits in a bowl of custard looking cross?
what sits in a bowl of custard looking cross?
A blonde is on her honeymoon when her new husband asks,
A blonde is on her honeymoon when her new husband asks, "baby am I your first?" She replied Why does everyone always ask me that? YES...
An elderly European man asked the local priest to hear his confession.
An elderly European man asked the local priest to hear his confession. "Father", he started, "During WWII a beautiful woman knocked on my ...
Always remember you are unique
Always remember you are unique
what do u call 2 bananas?
what do u call 2 bananas?
how did the three bears keep their house safe?
how did the three bears keep their house safe?
how did the fast food restaurant keep their french fries safe?
how did the fast food restaurant keep their french fries safe?
what do you get if you put your favourite toy in the freezer?
what do you get if you put your favourite toy in the freezer?
what do you get if you run over your favourite toy with a lawnmower?
what do you get if you run over your favourite toy with a lawnmower?
what do zebras have that no other animal have?
what do zebras have that no other animal have?
why don't grasshoppers play football?
why don't grasshoppers play football?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
what is hairy and coughs?
what is hairy and coughs?
Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a known house of ill repute in Boston. A Jewish Rabbi came walking down the street...
Pat and Mike were doing some street repairs in front of a known house of ill repute in Boston. A Jewish Rabbi came walking down the street...
Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped,
Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped, "Seamus, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!" "Have yo...
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man
A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat...
There was a bear taking a dump in the forrest. A rabbit walked by and the bear said, ''Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?
There was a bear taking a dump in the forrest. A rabbit walked by and the bear said, ''Hey rabbit, does poo stick to your fur?" ' ''N...
what has two humps and lives at the north pole
what has two humps and lives at the north pole
what does a fish play the piano whith
what does a fish play the piano whith
what did the mummy balloon say to the baby balloon when she found it playing with a pin?
what did the mummy balloon say to the baby balloon when she found it playing with a pin?
what do you call a girl with her church on her head?
what do you call a girl with her church on her head?
how do fleas go on holiday?
how do fleas go on holiday?
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
what do you call a boy with a plank on his head?
why did the turkey cross the road
why did the turkey cross the road
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
what do you call a boy with a seagull on his head?
why do rabbits chew carrots?
why do rabbits chew carrots?
what do you call a girl in a draughty church?
what do you call a girl in a draughty church?
what goes quoak, quoak?
what goes quoak, quoak?
why do rabbits have long ears?
why do rabbits have long ears?
what is a butchers favourite dog?
what is a butchers favourite dog?
what goes hith! hith?
what goes hith! hith?
what do you call a nervous witch?
what do you call a nervous witch?
What the quickest way to a man's heart
What the quickest way to a man's heart
 policeman on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid,
 policeman on horseback is at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Santa bri...
what does a short sighted ghost wear?
what does a short sighted ghost wear?
whats small brown and fluffy?
whats small brown and fluffy?
what is a bakers favourite dog?
what is a bakers favourite dog?
what is a greengrocers favourite dog?
what is a greengrocers favourite dog?
whats brown, yellow and hairy?
whats brown, yellow and hairy?
why did the chicken cross the road?
why did the chicken cross the road?
Blonde Bet One day a blonde and a brunnete were meeting for lunch at a bar. The bar tender turned on the 6 o'clock news. And ther...
Blonde Bet One day a blonde and a brunnete were meeting for lunch at a bar. The bar tender turned on the 6 o'clock news. And ther...
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner. "Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budg...
Doctor, I think I'm a moth!
Doctor, I think I'm a moth!
why did the second chicken cross the road?
why did the second chicken cross the road?
do robots have brothers?
do robots have brothers?
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the oth...
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the oth...
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces,
As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
How are women and tornadoes alike?
How are women and tornadoes alike?
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
Q: What do you do when your wife's staggering?
. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
. What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
What has a head and a tail but no body?
What has a head and a tail but no body?
where do wasps go on holiday?
where do wasps go on holiday?
where do sheep go on holiday?
where do sheep go on holiday?
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
what do you call a three legged donkey?
what do you call a three legged donkey?
what bird stole the bath plug?
what bird stole the bath plug?
Can a penguin jump higher than a lighthouse
Can a penguin jump higher than a lighthouse
What washes up on tiny seashores
What washes up on tiny seashores
where do you find a queue of bees?
where do you find a queue of bees?
what goes buzz-choo! buzz-choo?
what goes buzz-choo! buzz-choo?
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. ...
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. ...
whats the best way of counting cows?
whats the best way of counting cows?
what tool can help you with your sums?
what tool can help you with your sums?
Dad:  what did you learn at school today son?
Dad:  what did you learn at school today son?
what do you get if you cross a plumber with a field full of cow pats?
what do you get if you cross a plumber with a field full of cow pats?
what do you call a sheep with a parachute that pushes in front of you?
what do you call a sheep with a parachute that pushes in front of you?
where do you take a sick gnome?
where do you take a sick gnome?
how do you make fairy cakes?
how do you make fairy cakes?
why do cows have bells?
why do cows have bells?
what shoes do toads wear?
what shoes do toads wear?
what do clouds wear under their clothes?
what do clouds wear under their clothes?
why would you paint rabbits on a bald mans head?
why would you paint rabbits on a bald mans head?
what do you call someone who keeps on talking when no one is listening/
what do you call someone who keeps on talking when no one is listening/
why did tigger lock in the toilet
why did tigger lock in the toilet
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head?
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head?
what do you call a boy with a cat on his head?
what do you call a boy with a cat on his head?
what do you call a broken bommerang?
what do you call a broken bommerang?
what do you call a fish with no eyes ?
what do you call a fish with no eyes ?
did you hear the one about the ship full of yo-yos that hit a rock?
did you hear the one about the ship full of yo-yos that hit a rock?
how many rude people does it take to change a light bulb?
how many rude people does it take to change a light bulb?
whats a pirates favourite pudding?
whats a pirates favourite pudding?
why do sharks live in saltwater?
why do sharks live in saltwater?
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled wasp?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
what do you call a recycled earwig?
What do demons have on holiday?
What do demons have on holiday?
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
What happened at the cannibal's wedding party?
what did the martian say to the petrol pump
what did the martian say to the petrol pump
what do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower?
what do you get if you cross a monkey with a flower?
what's white and fluffy and swings through the the jungle?
what's white and fluffy and swings through the the jungle?
what has a bottom at the top?
what has a bottom at the top?
A woman was in court for stealing a tin of peaches,
A woman was in court for stealing a tin of peaches," How many peaches were in the tin" the judge asked" Four replied the woman," I am going to give yo...
what do you call a dinosaur that won't give up?
what do you call a dinosaur that won't give up?
what is grey, has big ears and a trunk?
what is grey, has big ears and a trunk?
what do you call an artic cow?
what do you call an artic cow?
why did the boy throw the butter??
why did the boy throw the butter??
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds:
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife Wanted". Next day he received three hundred letters. They all said the same thing . ...
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all captured by a group of armed terrorists. The three women are told that they are going to be ki...
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are all captured by a group of armed terrorists. The three women are told that they are going to be ki...
 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
 What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
how do you spell mouse trap with only three letters?
how do you spell mouse trap with only three letters?
whats a mouse's favourite game?
whats a mouse's favourite game?
Paddy bought two goldfish and named them one and two
Paddy bought two goldfish and named them one and two", Thats not very imaginative" said murphy,"hy did you call them that"? Paddy replied,
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump?
what goes 99-thump, 99-thump, 99-thump?
what goes tring! tring! whizz?
what goes tring! tring! whizz?
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says,
Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," say...
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office.
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, ...
what is a cats favourite breakfast?
what is a cats favourite breakfast?
Paddy, Mick and Murphy, all worked for a boss that left early every day,
Paddy, Mick and Murphy, all worked for a boss that left early every day, "lets leave early, he'll never know" Mick said, so Mick went to the bookies, ...
what does a queen bee do when she burps?
what does a queen bee do when she burps?
what was the most famous ant scientist?
what was the most famous ant scientist?
what do you give a sick ant?
what do you give a sick ant?
A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers fe...
A movie producer had called together several big name celebs to kick some ideas around. The project was an action docu-drama about famous composers fe...
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what do you call a roman emperor with a cold?
what do you call a roman emperor with a cold?
what do you give a sick pig?
what do you give a sick pig?
what do you give a sick parrot?
what do you give a sick parrot?
after a morning stroll the three bears head for the kitchen to see if there breakfast has cooled down.
after a morning stroll the three bears head for the kitchen to see if there breakfast has cooled down.
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?Johnny:
Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?Johnny:
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
what kind of vegetables do maths teachers eat?
what kind of vegetables do maths teachers eat?
what sort of vegetables do history teachers eat?
what sort of vegetables do history teachers eat?
how do you stop your nose from running?
how do you stop your nose from running?
what do you get if you cross a giant mosquito with a computer?
what do you get if you cross a giant mosquito with a computer?
"How Do You?" How do you get pikachu on to a boat?  You pokemon
A senior citizen was driving down the motorway when his wife called his cell phone.
A senior citizen was driving down the motorway when his wife called his cell phone.
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call an eskimo's house with no toilet?
what do you call an eskimo's house with no toilet?
how do chickens communicate?
how do chickens communicate?
how do parrots communicate?
how do parrots communicate?
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
A woman got on a bus holding a baby.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
whats pink and wobbles?
whats pink and wobbles?
whats the difference between babies and football players?
whats the difference between babies and football players?
whats green and gets picked?
whats green and gets picked?
teacher;   what came after the stone-age and the bronze-age?
teacher;   what came after the stone-age and the bronze-age?
A little boy is playing pirates in the park when the local priest walks by.
A little boy is playing pirates in the park when the local priest walks by. "Hello Johnny, what are you up to?" "I'm the captain and me an...
"Indecent Exposure?" A woman was walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A police officer was approa...
whats the best way to catch a fish?
whats the best way to catch a fish?
what do you get if you dial 6 6 6 ?
what do you get if you dial 6 6 6 ?
why did dracula brush his teeth?
why did dracula brush his teeth?
what dog washes itself?
what dog washes itself?
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats green and hangs from trees?
whats yellow on the inside and purple on the outside?
whats yellow on the inside and purple on the outside?
what do you get if you put candles on a toilet?
what do you get if you put candles on a toilet?
what goes Quick, Quick, Quick?
what goes Quick, Quick, Quick?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
I intend to live forever
I intend to live forever
Give a man a free hand
Give a man a free hand
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She...
Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She...
A catholic boy and Church of England boy were trying to score points off each other.
A catholic boy and Church of England boy were trying to score points off each other. "My priest knows more than your Vicar" Said the first...
whats the slowest animal on earth?
whats the slowest animal on earth?
whats the fastest animal on earth?
whats the fastest animal on earth?
why do ducks have webbed feet?
why do ducks have webbed feet?
what is a grown up?
what is a grown up?
whats black and white and red all over
whats black and white and red all over
what flowers grow between chin and nose
what flowers grow between chin and nose
whats the difference between snot and sprouts?
whats the difference between snot and sprouts?
what sits in a bowl of custard looking cross?
what sits in a bowl of custard looking cross?
have you heard the one about the boy who slept with his head under the pillow?
have you heard the one about the boy who slept with his head under the pillow?
what is grey and yellow, grey and yellow, and grey and yellow?
what is grey and yellow, grey and yellow, and grey and yellow?
whats black and white and red all over
whats black and white and red all over
what do you get if you put your cuddly toy in the freezer?
what do you get if you put your cuddly toy in the freezer?
what do you get if you run over your favourite cuddly toy with a lawnmower?
what do you get if you run over your favourite cuddly toy with a lawnmower?
what game do elephants play with ants?
what game do elephants play with ants?
have you heard the joke about the tortoise who had his lunch money stolen by two snails?
have you heard the joke about the tortoise who had his lunch money stolen by two snails?
knock knock,who's there
knock knock,who's there
doctor doctor i feel like a pair of curtains
doctor doctor i feel like a pair of curtains
Two little girls are playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so one of the little girls crawls under to get it out. Unfo...
Two little girls are playing with a ball in the garden. The ball rolls under a nearby bush so one of the little girls crawls under to get it out. Unfo...
Little johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.Little johnny asked why he wore his collar ...
Little johnny got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards.Little johnny asked why he wore his collar ...
There was a farmer who grew watermellons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch...
There was a farmer who grew watermellons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermellon patch...
 man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot
 man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that ...
what did the mummy balloon say to the baby balloon when she found him playing with a pin?
what did the mummy balloon say to the baby balloon when she found him playing with a pin?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
why shouldn't you take a crocodile to the zoo?
what do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
what do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?
what talks and talks and talks until you fall asleep?
what talks and talks and talks until you fall asleep?
doctor doctor i feel like a bridge
doctor doctor i feel like a bridge
I was in the pub with the mrs, the other night, when I said
I was in the pub with the mrs, the other night, when I said"I love you"" she said"
Wife phoned me and said
Wife phoned me and said "you need to join me at the hospital right away the mother in laws in a bad way and not got long to live, " I said "it's the c...
what is hairy and coughs?
what is hairy and coughs?
what goes quoak, quoak?
what goes quoak, quoak?
where do you take a sick squid?
where do you take a sick squid?
what is green and prickly?
what is green and prickly?
Paddy & Mick sat having a pint .... A lorry goes past with rolls of trf on, Paddy says
Paddy & Mick sat having a pint .... A lorry goes past with rolls of trf on, Paddy says " Im gonna do that when I win the lottery" Mick says " wot ...
Padds wife is involved in a bad car crash. In the hospital she is just talking gobbledy gook, The worried doctor asks Paddy...
Padds wife is involved in a bad car crash. In the hospital she is just talking gobbledy gook, The worried doctor asks Paddy..." Is she fully compus me...
why do hummimg birds hum?
why do hummimg birds hum?
how do you stop birds building nests?
how do you stop birds building nests?
what goes hith! hith?
what goes hith! hith?
what do you call a nervous witch?
what do you call a nervous witch?
There were two fish in a tank. One said to the other,
There were two fish in a tank. One said to the other, " ,
Some hookers were having a few drinks before the long afternoon shift ahead, “Hey Maud,” said a newcomer, “You’re over eighty ...
Some hookers were having a few drinks before the long afternoon shift ahead, “Hey Maud,” said a newcomer, “You’re over eighty ...
  A middle aged woman is admiring her figure in the mirror when her husband walks in,
  A middle aged woman is admiring her figure in the mirror when her husband walks in, "What are you looking at?" he said. She said "I'...
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. A police officer stopped him and said
A man was driving down the road with twenty penguins in the back seat. A police officer stopped him and said "Sir you can't drive around w...
what do short sighted ghosts wear?
what do short sighted ghosts wear?
whats small brown and fluffy?
whats small brown and fluffy?
whats brown and yellow and hairy?
whats brown and yellow and hairy?
teacher;   if you use this text book you wi;; do your homework in half the time
teacher;   if you use this text book you wi;; do your homework in half the time
why did the chicken cross the road?
why did the chicken cross the road?
what do you call a chicken that eats cement?
what do you call a chicken that eats cement?
A kind solicitor,an honest politician and father christmas were walking
A kind solicitor,an honest politician and father christmas were walking
who invented fractions?
who invented fractions?
why did the chicken cross the road?
why did the chicken cross the road?
why did the second chicken cross the road?
why did the second chicken cross the road?
do robots have brothers?
do robots have brothers?
whats black and white and red  all over
whats black and white and red  all over
where do wasps go on holiday?
where do wasps go on holiday?
where do sheep go on holiday?
where do sheep go on holiday?
what do you call a three legged donkey?
what do you call a three legged donkey?
what bird stole the bath plug?
what bird stole the bath plug?
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney
whats the best way of counting cows?
whats the best way of counting cows?
what do you call a sheep with a parachute that pushes in front of you?
what do you call a sheep with a parachute that pushes in front of you?
what do vampires sing at christmas?
what do vampires sing at christmas?
whats a cows favourite day of the year?
whats a cows favourite day of the year?
What did the cheese say when he saw himself in the mirror?
What did the cheese say when he saw himself in the mirror?
 family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.
 family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.
what kind of shoes do frogs wear?
what kind of shoes do frogs wear?
what do clouds wear under their clothes?
what do clouds wear under their clothes?
whats a cats favourite day of the year?
whats a cats favourite day of the year?
wot do cows do 4 fun
wot do cows do 4 fun
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head?
what do you call a boy with a doorstep on his head?
whats a pirates favourite pudding?
whats a pirates favourite pudding?
where does tarzan buy his clothes?
where does tarzan buy his clothes?
why do sharks live in saltwater?
why do sharks live in saltwater?
how many seconds are there in a year?
how many seconds are there in a year?
what two vegetables do you find in toilets?
what two vegetables do you find in toilets?
what as a bottom at the top?
what as a bottom at the top?
what do you call a dinosaur that changes its mind?
what do you call a dinosaur that changes its mind?
how do you know when there's an elephant under your bed?
how do you know when there's an elephant under your bed?
what do you call a red flying dinosaur?
what do you call a red flying dinosaur?
why is getting up up at six o'clock in the morning like a pigs tail?
why is getting up up at six o'clock in the morning like a pigs tail?
why was the mermaid thrown out of the choir?
why was the mermaid thrown out of the choir?
how do you spell hungry horse using only four letters?
how do you spell hungry horse using only four letters?
how do you spell mouse trap with only three letters?
how do you spell mouse trap with only three letters?
what is a mouses favourite game?
what is a mouses favourite game?
whats the difference between a unicorn and a lettuce?
whats the difference between a unicorn and a lettuce?
how do you fix a tuba?
how do you fix a tuba?
whats the best way of dealing with fleas?
whats the best way of dealing with fleas?
why dont aliens eat clowns????
why dont aliens eat clowns????
what did  the ram say to his girlffriend on valentines day?
what did  the ram say to his girlffriend on valentines day?
what do you call a 3 legged Donkey ???
what do you call a 3 legged Donkey ???
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what do you call a hippo with chicken pox?
what do you call a roman emperor with a cold?
what do you call a roman emperor with a cold?
whats green and only comes out on february 29th?
whats green and only comes out on february 29th?
whats a camels favourite party game?
whats a camels favourite party game?
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call a snowman in the desert?
what do you call an eskimos house with no toilet?
what do you call an eskimos house with no toilet?
whats the best way to catch a fish?
whats the best way to catch a fish?
what do you  say to a parrot on its birthday?
what do you  say to a parrot on its birthday?
whats the best birthday present in the world?
whats the best birthday present in the world?
whats green and jumps around the garden?
whats green and jumps around the garden?
what goes quick quick?
what goes quick quick?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
what colour  is in the wind?
what colour  is in the wind?
why is everyone tired on the 1st April?
why is everyone tired on the 1st April?
whats the best time to go on a trampoline?
whats the best time to go on a trampoline?
what did the big phone say to little phone
what did the big phone say to little phone
how did the vikings send secret messages
how did the vikings send secret messages
my brother is a painter  and im proud to say  is  work is on show at the liverpools art gallery
my brother is a painter  and im proud to say  is  work is on show at the liverpools art gallery
What do jelly babies wear on their feet
What do jelly babies wear on their feet
Big tip for the Grand National on saturday, horse called V-NEC.It's 16/1, get a few quid on it, it's meant to be.....
Big tip for the Grand National on saturday, horse called V-NEC.It's 16/1, get a few quid on it, it's meant to be.....
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sle...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sle...
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 am this morning.... Can you believe that 2.30 am?... luckily for him I was still up....
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2.30 am this morning.... Can you believe that 2.30 am?... luckily for him I was still up....
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
why do golfers wear 2 pairs of trousers
why do golfers wear 2 pairs of trousers
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so .....
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so .....
Welcome home Brian, said the banner over the pub door, as the intrepid explorer returned from his safari in darkest  Africa. After a few pints hi...
Welcome home Brian, said the banner over the pub door, as the intrepid explorer returned from his safari in darkest  Africa. After a few pints hi...
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she ha...
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and ...
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and ...
taxi joke
taxi joke
I swear Mario is a hobo. He wakes up everyday in the same clothes, runs around in sewers, and collects coins. To buy what?
I swear Mario is a hobo. He wakes up everyday in the same clothes, runs around in sewers, and collects coins. To buy what?
Why cant a leopard hide
Why cant a leopard hide
Scots Wedding Plans
Scots Wedding Plans
sunday school
sunday school
body part joke
body part joke
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
What's the thinnest book in the world?
What's the thinnest book in the world?
Why can't animals play cards?
Why can't animals play cards?
why did the cookie go to the hospital?
why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Why did the tightrope get refused a loan?
Why did the tightrope get refused a loan?
Why didnt anyone like Noah?
Why didnt anyone like Noah?
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
how many days of the week begin with the letter t
how many days of the week begin with the letter t
whose emblem is the leek
whose emblem is the leek
There were three men on a hill with their watches. 
There were three men on a hill with their watches. 
DONT HIT KIDS!!
DONT HIT KIDS!!
I stepped on a box of cheerios this morning
I stepped on a box of cheerios this morning
10 Commandments Of Bingo
10 Commandments Of Bingo
A dog goes into a hardware store and says:
A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".
Curiosity killed the cat...and...
Curiosity killed the cat...and...
how do you make milkshake?
how do you make milkshake?
Jealousy is a disease....
Jealousy is a disease....
Some say the glass is half  full
Some say the glass is half  full
How do you prevent a summer cold?
How do you prevent a summer cold?
what clothes does a house wear?
what clothes does a house wear?
what did 1 candle say to the other 1?
what did 1 candle say to the other 1?
A council estate in Merthyr, Wales,was evacuated today, after a suspicious object was found, close examination by security forces........
A council estate in Merthyr, Wales,was evacuated today, after a suspicious object was found, close examination by security forces........
What happens when you tell an egg a joke ?
What happens when you tell an egg a joke ?
What do you call a mischievous egg?
What do you call a mischievous egg?
What part did the egg play in the movies?
What part did the egg play in the movies?
Why didn't the mummy want a telephone
Why didn't the mummy want a telephone
. What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance
. What is the cheapest time to call your friends long distance
what goes black white black white black white?
what goes black white black white black white?
What do you call an intellegent, sensitive, and good looking man?
What do you call an intellegent, sensitive, and good looking man?
what do you call a man who was born in liverpool,grew up in glasgow and died in cardiff?
what do you call a man who was born in liverpool,grew up in glasgow and died in cardiff?
what do you call a fish with no eye?
what do you call a fish with no eye?
A pal sees the village idiot in hospital whith bandaged feet. He asks  what have you done?
A pal sees the village idiot in hospital whith bandaged feet. He asks  what have you done?
Q: Whats brown and sticky?
Q: Whats brown and sticky?
two silk worms were in a race.
two silk worms were in a race.
two oranges rolling down the hill ,when all of a sudden one orange stopped dead ,whats wrong with you said the other orange 
two oranges rolling down the hill ,when all of a sudden one orange stopped dead ,whats wrong with you said the other orange 
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do prisoners use to call each other?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? 
What do Winnie The Pooh and Jack The Ripper have in common?
What do Winnie The Pooh and Jack The Ripper have in common?
What doesn't normally eat at christmas
What doesn't normally eat at christmas
One man buys two fishes and named them 1 and 2.
One man buys two fishes and named them 1 and 2.
How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
How does a farmer count a herd of cows?
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't d...
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't d...
Why did the computer get cold?
Why did the computer get cold?
What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Indian ocean?
What did the Atlantic ocean say to the Indian ocean?
my friend told me her tan was natural
my friend told me her tan was natural
last night my neighbour was knocking on my door at 2.30 in the mornin would you believe it 2.30
last night my neighbour was knocking on my door at 2.30 in the mornin would you believe it 2.30
Did you hear about the guy who was half-italian and half-irish
Did you hear about the guy who was half-italian and half-irish
why did the burglar take a shower?
why did the burglar take a shower?
what do eskimos get from sitting on the ice to long?
what do eskimos get from sitting on the ice to long?
Men are like bank accounts. 
Men are like bank accounts. 
What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?
What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil?
how do you make lady gaga cry?
how do you make lady gaga cry?
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Men are like plungers: 
Men are like plungers: 
A Dad buys a Lie Detector Robot,which slaps people when they lie, so he decides to test it at dinner:
A Dad buys a Lie Detector Robot,which slaps people when they lie, so he decides to test it at dinner:
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? 
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? 
why cant penguins fly
why cant penguins fly
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? 
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? 
Son: Why do barbers become good drivers shortly?
Son: Why do barbers become good drivers shortly?
Boy: What is meant by serial killer?
Boy: What is meant by serial killer?
 
 
 
 
Desert  Island
Desert  Island
what dogs do vampires have?
what dogs do vampires have?
I went to a cannibal's party last night.
I went to a cannibal's party last night.
Q.) Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for the dinner party??
Q.) Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for the dinner party??
Im A Celebrity
Im A Celebrity
Irish Drunk
Irish Drunk
Whats the fastest thing in the water?
Whats the fastest thing in the water?
A teacher noticed a boy at the back of the class was squirming and not paying attention , she went to him to find out what was going on, he was quite ...
A teacher noticed a boy at the back of the class was squirming and not paying attention , she went to him to find out what was going on, he was quite ...
Why did 2 penguins jump when they met???
Why did 2 penguins jump when they met???
Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.
Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.
Why were males created before females?
Why were males created before females?
What is the difference between a man and a magnet?
What is the difference between a man and a magnet?
What do you call a woman with one leg?
What do you call a woman with one leg?
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
What did the talking hat say to the scarf?
What did the talking hat say to the scarf?
Trur Story:::
Trur Story:::
Did you hear about the two peanuts that went walking around the bronx in the night?
Did you hear about the two peanuts that went walking around the bronx in the night?
What did the cross eye teacher say to the disruptive children?
What did the cross eye teacher say to the disruptive children?
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?
What do you call a man with a elephant on his head?
What do you call a man with a elephant on his head?
two silk warms was in a race..
two silk warms was in a race..
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
I swerved to avoid a tree
I swerved to avoid a tree
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
What do you call a blind dinosaur?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
why do gorillas have big nostrils?
men are like computers.
men are like computers.
What is mary short for?
What is mary short for?
What do you say to a hitchhiker with 1 leg?
What do you say to a hitchhiker with 1 leg?
sir do you sell nails  yes we do how long do you want them
sir do you sell nails  yes we do how long do you want them
a patient goes to the doctor and said Help! i got an amnesia what should I do? 
a patient goes to the doctor and said Help! i got an amnesia what should I do? 
American  russian and an irishman in a bar...got talking about space the american says we put men on the moon the russian says thats nothing we p...
American  russian and an irishman in a bar...got talking about space the american says we put men on the moon the russian says thats nothing we p...
what time of day was Adam born?
what time of day was Adam born?
Why did Mormon women stop having children at 35?
Why did Mormon women stop having children at 35?
Spell Checker
Spell Checker
the barman was closing up for the night when along came a tramp
the barman was closing up for the night when along came a tramp
Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
Why can't a man living in the USA be buried in Canada?
what do you call a nun sitting on a washing machine
what do you call a nun sitting on a washing machine
what do you give a sick lemon?
what do you give a sick lemon?
why did the boy swallow his 25p?
why did the boy swallow his 25p?
what animal can jump higher than a house?no animals can as houses cant jump lol
what animal can jump higher than a house?no animals can as houses cant jump lol
why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window?answer cause he wanted to see time fly lol
why did the little boy throw his clock out of the window?answer cause he wanted to see time fly lol
What do you call a sheep without any legs?
What do you call a sheep without any legs?
Why do men like smart women?
Why do men like smart women?
why didnt the sailors play cards
why didnt the sailors play cards
Two cows are grazing in a field. One says,”Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?the other replies not me im a squirrel
Two cows are grazing in a field. One says,”Aren't you worried about mad cow disease?the other replies not me im a squirrel
what do u call a penguin in the sahara dessert
what do u call a penguin in the sahara dessert
Cardiff City's Malaysian owners were being interviewed by a local reporter  who asked
Cardiff City's Malaysian owners were being interviewed by a local reporter  who asked " so how close do you think you  are from a really goo...
what has a bottom at it's top?
what has a bottom at it's top?
what pop star can you eatlinel richtea lol
what pop star can you eatlinel richtea lol
Did you hear about the new divorce barbie?
Did you hear about the new divorce barbie?
what do you call a sleeping bull?
what do you call a sleeping bull?
Two men are sitting in a bar talking about another man who is there,I don't get it says one man he's ugly ,he has no taste in clothes , he drives a wr...
Two men are sitting in a bar talking about another man who is there,I don't get it says one man he's ugly ,he has no taste in clothes , he drives a wr...
When you have seen one shopping centre ,
When you have seen one shopping centre ,
never be afraid to try something new.
never be afraid to try something new.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? 
What do you call a monkey in a minefield? 
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When does a person decide to become an accountant?
Daddy comes home with a big bag of sweets.I'm going to give these to the person who never answers Mummy back and always does what they are told.Now wh...
Daddy comes home with a big bag of sweets.I'm going to give these to the person who never answers Mummy back and always does what they are told.Now wh...
A little boy is raiding the freezer for ice cream when his mum catches him.Put that ice cream back dinner is only an hour away.But i'm bored says the ...
A little boy is raiding the freezer for ice cream when his mum catches him.Put that ice cream back dinner is only an hour away.But i'm bored says the ...
two peanuts were in the city
two peanuts were in the city
whats the difference between a clown and a man having a midlife crisis
whats the difference between a clown and a man having a midlife crisis
a woman says to her ageing father i'm so proud of you,i noticed when you sneeze you now put your hand over your mouth
a woman says to her ageing father i'm so proud of you,i noticed when you sneeze you now put your hand over your mouth
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEAF PERSON
WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEAF PERSON
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
I bought some HP sauce the other day.
why did the lion loose at poker
why did the lion loose at poker
Don't marry for money
Don't marry for money
Q.what did the lawyer name his daughter?
Q.what did the lawyer name his daughter?
Q.What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the courtroom?
Q.What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the courtroom?
Went down to my allotment at the weekend. To find that someone had dumped 2 inches of soil over it. Went there again yesturday, the same thing had hap...
Went down to my allotment at the weekend. To find that someone had dumped 2 inches of soil over it. Went there again yesturday, the same thing had hap...
whats black and white and red all overa newspaper
whats black and white and red all overa newspaper
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
Q - What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
Paddy says to Mick
Paddy says to Mick
two biscuits walking down the road.... one got ran over the other one went...
two biscuits walking down the road.... one got ran over the other one went...
two packets of crisps walking down the road one went should we get a cab, the other one said no...
two packets of crisps walking down the road one went should we get a cab, the other one said no...
Been on the phone for ages trying to get tickets for the Elvis Tribute next week it keeps saying....
Been on the phone for ages trying to get tickets for the Elvis Tribute next week it keeps saying....
how do u hide a elephant in a cherry tree
how do u hide a elephant in a cherry tree
Where do you find a no legged dog? 
Where do you find a no legged dog? 
What do you call Santa's helpers? 
What do you call Santa's helpers? 
anyone can make a mistake.....
anyone can make a mistake.....
somebody complimented me on my driving today,they left a note on my windscreen saying,
somebody complimented me on my driving today,they left a note on my windscreen saying,
two cannibals are eating a clown,one says to the other
two cannibals are eating a clown,one says to the other
Why was the leper caught speeding?
Why was the leper caught speeding?
Where did the farmer takes the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
Where did the farmer takes the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
a woman always has the last word in an argument
a woman always has the last word in an argument
never argue with an idiot
never argue with an idiot
I just walked out my job in the helium factory
I just walked out my job in the helium factory
When a man steals your wife
When a man steals your wife
I got home last night and there were two people sitting on my doorstep. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. Naturally I ...
I got home last night and there were two people sitting on my doorstep. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks. Naturally I ...
what do you call postman pat with no job?
what do you call postman pat with no job?
two cows standing in a field one says to the other one are you worried about mad cows disease?
two cows standing in a field one says to the other one are you worried about mad cows disease?
Two monkeys in a bath.  One says to the other, 'ooo ooo aaaa aaa eeeeee eeeee'.
Two monkeys in a bath.  One says to the other, 'ooo ooo aaaa aaa eeeeee eeeee'.
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
My aunt died, God bless her, at a ripe old age of 104.
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
why didnt the orange get all the way down the hill?????
why didnt the orange get all the way down the hill?????
what did the telephone say to the other telephone ???
what did the telephone say to the other telephone ???
What does a clock do when its hungry?
What does a clock do when its hungry?
how many ears does Spock have?three, the left the right and the final front ear.
how many ears does Spock have?three, the left the right and the final front ear.
Did you hear about the chinese man who split from his wife.....
Did you hear about the chinese man who split from his wife.....
 2 blokes walking down the road see a blind dog mounting a cabbage.
 2 blokes walking down the road see a blind dog mounting a cabbage.
what do you call a sheep crossed with a kangaroo ??
what do you call a sheep crossed with a kangaroo ??
did you hear about the man who fell into the lens-grinding machine
did you hear about the man who fell into the lens-grinding machine
Harry heard that most accidents happen within two miles of home
Harry heard that most accidents happen within two miles of home
What do you do if an irishman throws a pin at you
What do you do if an irishman throws a pin at you
the good news about being middle-aged is that the glass is still half full
the good news about being middle-aged is that the glass is still half full
What bird can lift the most?
What bird can lift the most?
What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
which side of the chicken has the most feathers
which side of the chicken has the most feathers
why do owls avoid making love in the rain
why do owls avoid making love in the rain
Q What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Q What do the birds sing on Halloween?
Where did the kittens go on a school trip
Where did the kittens go on a school trip
When is it a bad time to cross a black cat
When is it a bad time to cross a black cat
why are there fences around cemetery's?
why are there fences around cemetery's?
I'm unable to come to phone right now, so please leave a message
I'm unable to come to phone right now, so please leave a message
my grandfather worked in a whiskey distillery .one night he fell in to a vat and six hours later he drowned
my grandfather worked in a whiskey distillery .one night he fell in to a vat and six hours later he drowned
a chihuahua an alsatian and a bull dog are sitting in a park when an attractive collie comes along,the collie tells them the one who constructs the be...
a chihuahua an alsatian and a bull dog are sitting in a park when an attractive collie comes along,the collie tells them the one who constructs the be...
Old Patrick died and wanted to be buried at sea, so his mates Paddy and Murphy, got a rowing boat and put the coffin in it, and rowed about a mile out...
Old Patrick died and wanted to be buried at sea, so his mates Paddy and Murphy, got a rowing boat and put the coffin in it, and rowed about a mile out...
a man answers a knock at his front door,outside is a six foot ladybird which proceeds to punch him and kick him and stamp on his head.he wakes up in h...
a man answers a knock at his front door,outside is a six foot ladybird which proceeds to punch him and kick him and stamp on his head.he wakes up in h...
Q: What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?
Q: What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant, and a rhino?
what do you call a fish with no eyes???
what do you call a fish with no eyes???
a chicken crossing the road
a chicken crossing the road
if nothing sticks to teflon
if nothing sticks to teflon
Had a message on my phone, It said....
Had a message on my phone, It said....
I  am unavailabe to answer my phone at the moment, so leave a message and....
I  am unavailabe to answer my phone at the moment, so leave a message and....
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Old doctors never die..
Old doctors never die..
why did'nt  the sailors play cards ?
why did'nt  the sailors play cards ?
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said:
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Your Honor! One of the jurors is asleep."
what do you call a greenfly with out legs
what do you call a greenfly with out legs
if you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball in your right hand what do you have
if you have a green ball in your left hand and a green ball in your right hand what do you have
What do you do when your chair breaks?
What do you do when your chair breaks?
What do you get when you cross an insect with a easter rabbit?
What do you get when you cross an insect with a easter rabbit?
did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in chewing gum??
did you hear about the astronaut who stepped in chewing gum??
latin mottos
latin mottos
what is a myth
what is a myth
Texting for Seniors
Texting for Seniors
a bluebottle knocked on my door today.. i said what do u want
a bluebottle knocked on my door today.. i said what do u want
Q. Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
Q. Did you hear about how quick the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
a father and young son are fishing and the boy says Dad how do boats float.I dont know replies his Dad.Dad how do fish breathe,I dont know replies his...
a father and young son are fishing and the boy says Dad how do boats float.I dont know replies his Dad.Dad how do fish breathe,I dont know replies his...
A vest is something a boy wears
A vest is something a boy wears
a man was found covered in nuts ,sprinkles and chocolate sauce dead in an ice cream van 
a man was found covered in nuts ,sprinkles and chocolate sauce dead in an ice cream van 
after eating
after eating
how can you identify a person by their dental records
how can you identify a person by their dental records
when i was young i used to pray for a bike, then i realized that god doesn't work that way 
when i was young i used to pray for a bike, then i realized that god doesn't work that way 
what i want to know is
what i want to know is
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
What do you call a chicken at the north pole?
What do you call a chicken at the north pole?
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
from a mother with love
from a mother with love
Son: Pl tell me the difference between mom and wife?
Son: Pl tell me the difference between mom and wife?
as long as i can remember...
as long as i can remember...
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
What did the lawyer name his daughter?
A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter.
A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter. "I may die any minute so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, tractor, the farmhouse an...
Engineer: Please drag the help folder to the right of the screen..
Engineer: Please drag the help folder to the right of the screen..
Son: Why do barbers become good drivers shortly?
Son: Why do barbers become good drivers shortly?
A women came home and found her cat dead in her washine machine...
A women came home and found her cat dead in her washine machine...
One man buys two fishes and named them 1 and 2.His friend asked: why did you name these fishes as 1 and 2?
One man buys two fishes and named them 1 and 2.His friend asked: why did you name these fishes as 1 and 2?
Interviewer: what is your date of birth?Man: Nov 28..Interviewer: which year?
Interviewer: what is your date of birth?Man: Nov 28..Interviewer: which year?
A String Walks Into A Bar
A String Walks Into A Bar
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? 
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? 
A mother saw her daughter cutting classes, she slapped her daughter's face the said I'm doing this because I love you.
A mother saw her daughter cutting classes, she slapped her daughter's face the said I'm doing this because I love you.
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off
Cops came around to my house today, told me that my dog was chasing someone on a bike, i told them to bugger off
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes or legs?
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Why don't aliens eat clowns.
Kid threw the butter out the window, 
Kid threw the butter out the window, 
Q:What do you do with a sick bird?
Q:What do you do with a sick bird?
Did you hear about the Scotsman who got caught making nuisance telephone calls?
Did you hear about the Scotsman who got caught making nuisance telephone calls?
a elephant trod on a mouse and the giraffe  said why did you do that
a elephant trod on a mouse and the giraffe  said why did you do that
ive been unemployed for months  but got a job as a lift engineer
ive been unemployed for months  but got a job as a lift engineer
what goes 99 bonk
what goes 99 bonk
Ive come accross a great new lip gloss it helps you to lose weight
Ive come accross a great new lip gloss it helps you to lose weight
what did the big telephone say to the little telephone
what did the big telephone say to the little telephone
A five year old boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said,
A five year old boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"The policeman said, "what's he like?"
Two crips walking along a busy road and it starts to rain,a concerned driver pulls over and asks them if they would like a lift abd get out of the rai...
Two crips walking along a busy road and it starts to rain,a concerned driver pulls over and asks them if they would like a lift abd get out of the rai...
Why did the Archaeopteryxcatch the worm?
Why did the Archaeopteryxcatch the worm?
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything,
Q: Why does Alan Pardew keep visiting Argos?
Q: Why does Alan Pardew keep visiting Argos?
A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticde. He hold up a box and asks the store manager,
A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticde. He hold up a box and asks the store manager, " Is this stuff good for beetles?
What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?
What do you call a lady addicted to gambling at bingo?
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
There was 2 packet of crisps walking down the road....
There was 2 packet of crisps walking down the road....
WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WITH SLATES ON HER HEAD.
WHAT DO YOU CALL A WOMAN WITH SLATES ON HER HEAD.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?
What do you get from a pampered cow? 
What do you get from a pampered cow? 
How do you know when a woman is going to start and talk sence
How do you know when a woman is going to start and talk sence
Why did the hedgehog cross the road
Why did the hedgehog cross the road
I watched tv last night and saw an advert of a boy covered in flies.
I watched tv last night and saw an advert of a boy covered in flies.
When I saw all the people rioting in Tottenham Centre, I knew I had to go somewhere to be safe, Somewhere they wouldn't go......
When I saw all the people rioting in Tottenham Centre, I knew I had to go somewhere to be safe, Somewhere they wouldn't go......
Wow that new trailer for Planet of the Apes  is amazing......
Wow that new trailer for Planet of the Apes  is amazing......
Where do astronaughts put there sandwhiches
Where do astronaughts put there sandwhiches
Three dreams of a man:
Three dreams of a man:
How are men and batteries different?
How are men and batteries different?
what do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth
what do you call a grizzly bear with no teeth
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
What did the stamp say to the envelope?
What did the light bulb say to the switch?
What did the light bulb say to the switch?
what do you call a three leged donkey?
what do you call a three leged donkey?
what do you call a dog with no legs?
what do you call a dog with no legs?
I saw some one running past me with a chicken tikka masala.
I saw some one running past me with a chicken tikka masala.
What does a frog drink at the pub?
What does a frog drink at the pub?
what goes pita patter tssssst tsssst pita patter tsssst tsssst
what goes pita patter tssssst tsssst pita patter tsssst tsssst
what goes haha bonk haha bonk ?
what goes haha bonk haha bonk ?
why did the milky button go to school?
why did the milky button go to school?
whats black and white and red all over
whats black and white and red all over
New Drinking Warning Just Released
New Drinking Warning Just Released
whats green and go's up and down?
whats green and go's up and down?
What do you call an unemployed jester......
What do you call an unemployed jester......
how can you tell a lawyer is lying?
how can you tell a lawyer is lying?
What goes black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.....
What goes black and white, black and white, black and white? A nun rolling down a hill.....
why are computers like air conditioners
why are computers like air conditioners
Did you see Dolly Parton's new shoes?
Did you see Dolly Parton's new shoes?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
what do you get if u cross a road with a safari park
what do you get if u cross a road with a safari park
why did the orange stop rolling down the hill
why did the orange stop rolling down the hill
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
whats black white and read all over
whats black white and read all over
Six Weeks To Live
Six Weeks To Live
Shoplifting
Shoplifting
a dwarf was thinking of looting a butchers
a dwarf was thinking of looting a butchers
what happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
what happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
what do you call a woman with tiles on her head
what do you call a woman with tiles on her head
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney
what did the big chimney say to the little chimney
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
Glad To Be Drunk
Glad To Be Drunk
why do birds fly south
why do birds fly south
i went into the supermarket the other day and a man started throwing cheese, milk and yoghurt at me
i went into the supermarket the other day and a man started throwing cheese, milk and yoghurt at me
How do you keep your man from reading your emails
How do you keep your man from reading your emails
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth,
A precious little girl walks into a Pets Mart Shop and asks, in the sweetest little lisp, between two missing teeth, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep...
A mushroom walks into a bar.
A mushroom walks into a bar.
whats the 2 fastest fish under water
whats the 2 fastest fish under water
did you know men can multitask?
did you know men can multitask?
what has more lifes than a cat??
what has more lifes than a cat??
Greatest Dad - One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.Someone ha...
Greatest Dad - One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident.Someone ha...
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
why dont dogs make good dancers?
why dont dogs make good dancers?
what do you get when you cross a sheep dog with a rose?
what do you get when you cross a sheep dog with a rose?
Hospital Regulations
Hospital Regulations
Job Hunting
Job Hunting
what is a dogs favourite city?
what is a dogs favourite city?
why did the snowman call his dog FROST?
why did the snowman call his dog FROST?
Driving with Penguins
Driving with Penguins
Hot Dogs
Hot Dogs
what cheese is MADE backwards?
what cheese is MADE backwards?
what do elves do after school?
what do elves do after school?
The Family Of Tomatoes
The Family Of Tomatoes
Want A Day Off Work?
Want A Day Off Work?
daughter turned round and said to her mum
daughter turned round and said to her mum " mum your face is so sweet"
what is brown n fizzy and lives in eucalyptus trees?
what is brown n fizzy and lives in eucalyptus trees?
what is brown and fizzy, lives in eucalyptus trees and has lost weight recently?
what is brown and fizzy, lives in eucalyptus trees and has lost weight recently?
what do you call a woman with a cash register on her head?
what do you call a woman with a cash register on her head?
Traffic Signs
Traffic Signs
You know when you are getting old. when you realise your first laptop was an......
You know when you are getting old. when you realise your first laptop was an......
Woman On A Bus
Woman On A Bus
what did the biscuit say when he got run over
what did the biscuit say when he got run over
what are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
what are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
where do tadpoles change?
where do tadpoles change?
Story Of The Bats
Story Of The Bats
Dear Mother
Dear Mother
A man had an accident and lost his legs and voice
A man had an accident and lost his legs and voice
where do snowmen keep their money
where do snowmen keep their money
What Is The Time?
What Is The Time?
New Cell Mate
New Cell Mate
A Prisoner With Skills
A Prisoner With Skills
Remember A Child
Remember A Child
The Crowded Store
The Crowded Store
englishman irishman scotsman were hungry one night but between them could only afford 1 small pie. As it as ist was so small to split in 3 the english...
englishman irishman scotsman were hungry one night but between them could only afford 1 small pie. As it as ist was so small to split in 3 the english...
englishman irishman and scotsman were taking an intelligence test they were asked which bird does not make its own nest
englishman irishman and scotsman were taking an intelligence test they were asked which bird does not make its own nest "the a canary said the english...
what is the difference between a bird and a fly
what is the difference between a bird and a fly
whats green and smells of pork?
whats green and smells of pork?
i never wanted to believe that my dad stole from his job as a road worker
i never wanted to believe that my dad stole from his job as a road worker
Tip The Pizza Boy
Tip The Pizza Boy
Maths Problem
Maths Problem
A Lesson In Blood Flow And Circulation
A Lesson In Blood Flow And Circulation
Picking On A Student
Picking On A Student
what do you get if you cross a telephone and an iron?
what do you get if you cross a telephone and an iron?
Visit To The Barbers
Visit To The Barbers
WHY IM TIRED for a couple of years i blamed it on lack of sleep not enough sunshine, too much pressure at work, ear wax build up blood pressure, or an...
WHY IM TIRED for a couple of years i blamed it on lack of sleep not enough sunshine, too much pressure at work, ear wax build up blood pressure, or an...
Three elderly sisters ages 92 94 96 share a house together. One evening the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into ...
Three elderly sisters ages 92 94 96 share a house together. One evening the 96 year old sister went upstairs to take a bath. As she put her foot into ...
why did eve want move to new york
why did eve want move to new york
what animal needs oil???
what animal needs oil???
man takes his dog to the vets for a check up. vet picks up the dog and gives it the once over and says to the man
man takes his dog to the vets for a check up. vet picks up the dog and gives it the once over and says to the man " im afraid to tell you this but you...
My knight in shining armour turned out to be....
My knight in shining armour turned out to be....
Remember: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
Remember: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
Guest For Dinner
Guest For Dinner
New Driver In The Family
New Driver In The Family
If women ruled the world there would be no wars, just.....
If women ruled the world there would be no wars, just.....
Speeding
Speeding
What do hedgehogs say when they kiss?
What do hedgehogs say when they kiss?
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Why do birds fly south in winter?
Six Truths in Life
Six Truths in Life
How I learned to mind my own business
How I learned to mind my own business
Thirty years ago we had, Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope
Thirty years ago we had, Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope
Never be afraid to try some thing new
Never be afraid to try some thing new
Are The Pilots Flying Blind
Are The Pilots Flying Blind
Catch A Drunk Driver
Catch A Drunk Driver
The Bathtub Insanity Test
The Bathtub Insanity Test
What to do when you get old..
What to do when you get old..
why did the vampire take his medicine ?
why did the vampire take his medicine ?
Racing Driver
Racing Driver
What bird spends all their time  on their knees?
What bird spends all their time  on their knees?
My mates girlfriend asked me what type of watch  would suit him best as a present, but I don't think....
My mates girlfriend asked me what type of watch  would suit him best as a present, but I don't think....
knock knock
knock knock
Why was Cinderella no good at hockey?
Why was Cinderella no good at hockey?
Why did Dick Whittington have a beard?
Why did Dick Whittington have a beard?
this is a brain teaser
this is a brain teaser
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Q: What do vampires play Bingo with?
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
Why is a sofa like a roast chicken?
What bird is always out of breath?
What bird is always out of breath?
Wheres the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
Wheres the most dangerous place to go trick-or-treating?
What do fishermen say on halloween?
What do fishermen say on halloween?
what lays in a pram and wobbles?
what lays in a pram and wobbles?
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nut...
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health.It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nut...
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Why are graveyards so noisy?
Where do undertakers go in october?
Where do undertakers go in october?
Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer?
Why did the school bully kick the classroom computer?
Why do beevers spend a fortune on the internet?
Why do beevers spend a fortune on the internet?
what do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars
what do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes.
What part of a football pitch smells the nicest?
What part of a football pitch smells the nicest?
What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
How does dracular like to have his food served?
How does dracular like to have his food served?
Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
whats the quickest way to draculas heart?
whats the quickest way to draculas heart?
what do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
what do you get if you cross a flea with a rabbit?
Knock Knock
Knock Knock
Why are footballers never asked to dinner?
Why are footballers never asked to dinner?
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
what did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar?
what did the cowboy maggot say when he went into the saloon bar?
What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
How do you know if your cats got a bad cold?
How do you know if your cats got a bad cold?
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball??
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball??
Knock Knock,
Knock Knock,
Oxo are making a new cube dedicated to the English rugby team, It's in a white wrapper with a red cross, and will be called.....
Oxo are making a new cube dedicated to the English rugby team, It's in a white wrapper with a red cross, and will be called.....
No Dogs Allowed
No Dogs Allowed
Teaching A Child
Teaching A Child
what do you get when you cross a glow-worm and a beer?
what do you get when you cross a glow-worm and a beer?
why was the glow-worm unhappy ?
why was the glow-worm unhappy ?
How do you say hello to a drunk Italian
How do you say hello to a drunk Italian
what do you get if you cross a dog with a lion?
what do you get if you cross a dog with a lion?
what do you get if you cross an oxo cube with a hyena?
what do you get if you cross an oxo cube with a hyena?
a family of crabs went to the seaside for the day. baby crab went for a swim and when he came back his mam and dad had eaten all the sandwiches. so ba...
a family of crabs went to the seaside for the day. baby crab went for a swim and when he came back his mam and dad had eaten all the sandwiches. so ba...
Due to the recent sucess of
Due to the recent sucess of "Friends with Benefits" the UK have come up with their own equivalent version...........
who was the most famous french skeleton?
who was the most famous french skeleton?
what fruit grows on a lamp post
what fruit grows on a lamp post
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
When is it bad luck to meet a black cat?
A mushroom walks into a bar.
A mushroom walks into a bar.
Coffee Dilemma
Coffee Dilemma
A quickie Please
A quickie Please
what goes 100mph on a washing line?
what goes 100mph on a washing line?
The Dancing Duck
The Dancing Duck
Dead Goldfish
Dead Goldfish
Shampoo
Shampoo
Then The Fight Began
Then The Fight Began
Three Men On A Hill
Three Men On A Hill
Why didn't the sailors play cards?
Why didn't the sailors play cards?
did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding???
did you hear about the football team who ate too much pudding???
Little Johnny Gives To The Sick
Little Johnny Gives To The Sick
Michael Jaclson's doctor has already been invited to the prison boxing team
Michael Jaclson's doctor has already been invited to the prison boxing team
Awful news.... My mate was killed in a betting shop yesterday when it collapsed and he was pinned against a wall by boxes of betting slips. The fire b...
Awful news.... My mate was killed in a betting shop yesterday when it collapsed and he was pinned against a wall by boxes of betting slips. The fire b...
Whos Stupid?
Whos Stupid?
Making Babies
Making Babies
Was on the computer the other night when the wife asked what I was doing I replied looking for cheap flights then she said whooo I love...
Was on the computer the other night when the wife asked what I was doing I replied looking for cheap flights then she said whooo I love...
Keen Senses
Keen Senses
Babys First Examination
Babys First Examination
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do you get if you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A man said to a woman in the street 'Im sore!' She said 'Why?'
A man said to a woman in the street 'Im sore!' She said 'Why?'
it”s raining cats and dogs, said Fred looking out of the kitchen window
it”s raining cats and dogs, said Fred looking out of the kitchen window
Who designed Nohas Ark?
Who designed Nohas Ark?
how does a man show hes planning for the future??
how does a man show hes planning for the future??
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a Pitt Bull?
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said,
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every...
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, 
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, 
Outside The Convent
Outside The Convent
Let The Poison Work
Let The Poison Work
What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?
What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
Drunk Giraffe
Drunk Giraffe
Zoo Christmas
Zoo Christmas
Mum can i have a dog for xmas?
Mum can i have a dog for xmas?
Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer?
Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer?
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy?
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Christmas dinner for under a tenna, that's why mums go to Iceland.......
Christmas dinner for under a tenna, that's why mums go to Iceland.......
Woman goes into a record shop & say's
Woman goes into a record shop & say's "do you have Jingle Bells on 7 inch"? Young lad say's, " no but I've got dangly balls on a 9 inch!' Woman sa...
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
What is small, red and whispers?
What is small, red and whispers?
I was trying to look cool on my first day at work, so I put my hat on backwardsStupid idea. I could hardly see what I was welding
I was trying to look cool on my first day at work, so I put my hat on backwardsStupid idea. I could hardly see what I was welding
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades
The worst place to have a heart attack is during a game of cherades
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
Paddy says to Mick, xmas is on a friday this year
Paddy says to Mick, xmas is on a friday this year
Knock knock, whos there? avenue. avenue who?
Knock knock, whos there? avenue. avenue who?
What does Father Christmas tend his garden with?
What does Father Christmas tend his garden with?
 
 
Why don't reindeer like penguins?
Why don't reindeer like penguins?
How does santa like his Pizza's 
How does santa like his Pizza's 
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Whats santas favourite part of gardening?
Whats santas favourite part of gardening?
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
What do you call a gigantic polar bear?
Why is it great to work for santa?
Why is it great to work for santa?
two irishmen are in the graveyard reading headstones, when suddenly paddy says,
two irishmen are in the graveyard reading headstones, when suddenly paddy says,
Father Christmas wins a saucepan in a competition
Father Christmas wins a saucepan in a competition
How many chimneys does santa go do??
How many chimneys does santa go do??
Was pulled over by the police last night on suspicion of drunk driving. Got asked to step out of the car and the copper said
Was pulled over by the police last night on suspicion of drunk driving. Got asked to step out of the car and the copper said " your staggering " I rep...
8 yr old jenny brought her report card home from school her marks were brilliant how eva the teacher wrote across the bottom jenny is a smart girl but...
8 yr old jenny brought her report card home from school her marks were brilliant how eva the teacher wrote across the bottom jenny is a smart girl but...
What goes haha bonk ha ha bonk ha ha bonk
What goes haha bonk ha ha bonk ha ha bonk
Did you hear about the new blonde paint
Did you hear about the new blonde paint
What goes black white black white black white?
What goes black white black white black white?
Out To Sea
Out To Sea
What happened when the shark became famous?
What happened when the shark became famous?
A kid threw the butter out of the window
A kid threw the butter out of the window
Why did paddy jump off the cliffs in gum boots
Why did paddy jump off the cliffs in gum boots
Loud Mad Or Sad
Loud Mad Or Sad
Told TV licence bloke no TV here, well there's an ariel on the roof,
Told TV licence bloke no TV here, well there's an ariel on the roof,
Why do supermarkets always ask you if you want a bag?
Why do supermarkets always ask you if you want a bag?
Light travels faster than sound.
Light travels faster than sound.
If you saw a heat wave
If you saw a heat wave
Scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
Scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
Bug In Barn
Bug In Barn
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen
Texan Guide To Life
Texan Guide To Life
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend
what do you get if you eat christmas decorations?
what do you get if you eat christmas decorations?
whats mums favourite christmas carol?
whats mums favourite christmas carol?
The French Cook
The French Cook
Smart Snake Breeder
Smart Snake Breeder
Mary Poppins Visits
Mary Poppins Visits
Life Of Cows And Bulls
Life Of Cows And Bulls
what do you give a railway station manager for christmas?
what do you give a railway station manager for christmas?
who hides in a bakery at christmas?
who hides in a bakery at christmas?
Stealing Paintings
Stealing Paintings
Two Girlfriends
Two Girlfriends
Pleasing Sister Mary
Pleasing Sister Mary
Two Caged Canaries
Two Caged Canaries
Womans Twins
Womans Twins
Doctor Goes To The Bar
Doctor Goes To The Bar
Good And Bad News
Good And Bad News
Drunk At The Bar
Drunk At The Bar
What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?
What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?
How do you scare a snowman?
How do you scare a snowman?
What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?
Snow Plough
Snow Plough
Why was Santa's helper depressed?
Why was Santa's helper depressed?
What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
What did the reindeer say when he saw an elf?
Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
Why are there only snowmen and not snowwomen?
Why did the clock in the cafeteria always run slow?
Why did the clock in the cafeteria always run slow?
Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
Why are school cafeteria workers cruel?
Why did the actor die?
Why did the actor die?
Why do elephants have trunks?
Why do elephants have trunks?
Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
Why doesn't the elephant use the computer?
Two Crisps
Two Crisps
Frog Goes For A Loan
Frog Goes For A Loan
Did You Hear About The Blonde That ---
Did You Hear About The Blonde That ---
Sotally Tober
Sotally Tober
Mother-in law and the clock
Mother-in law and the clock
Stale
Stale
Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
Resolutions You Can Actually Keep
The Hungry Lion
The Hungry Lion
Stained Clothes
Stained Clothes
What do you do when your wife's staggering?
What do you do when your wife's staggering?
Spent Wages
Spent Wages
Playing Chess
Playing Chess
How do you catch a squirrel?
How do you catch a squirrel?
What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ?
What creature has the best aptitude for engineering ?
The Cowboy And The Biker
The Cowboy And The Biker
I just dropped my iphone in the bath
I just dropped my iphone in the bath
What is red and black?
What is red and black?
What do you call a cow during a earthquake?
What do you call a cow during a earthquake?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Why did the skeleton burp????????
Why did the skeleton burp????????
Why cant you play cards in the jungle?
Why cant you play cards in the jungle?
Why does a dog stay in the shadow?
Why does a dog stay in the shadow?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Where do wild pigs go on a weekend?
Where do wild pigs go on a weekend?
What do you call a smart insect?
What do you call a smart insect?
how do you make a snooker table laugh?
how do you make a snooker table laugh?
What has four legs and a arm?
What has four legs and a arm?
Where do cats go when they lose their tails?
Where do cats go when they lose their tails?
Whats fun, fast and free
Whats fun, fast and free
Why did a cat pour oil over the mouse?
Why did a cat pour oil over the mouse?
Why was a entire jury of cats dismissed by the judge?
Why was a entire jury of cats dismissed by the judge?
What is another name for a cat who swallows a duck?
What is another name for a cat who swallows a duck?
In what way are a woman and a magnet different?
In what way are a woman and a magnet different?
How do you make a pool table laugh?
How do you make a pool table laugh?
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Knock Knock Whos There?
Knock Knock Whos There?
Lost Credit Card
Lost Credit Card
what is the quickest way to double your money??????????
what is the quickest way to double your money??????????
Murphy And His Wife
Murphy And His Wife
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Why do Giraffes have long necks?
Why do Giraffes have long necks?
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
who will take the second shot in snooker game
who will take the second shot in snooker game
Why dont oysters give to charity?
Why dont oysters give to charity?
Why does a elephant have four feet?
Why does a elephant have four feet?
Ive often wanted to drown my troubles
Ive often wanted to drown my troubles
Whats A Glow worms fav song?
Whats A Glow worms fav song?
What Do You Get If You Cross A Glow Worm With Beer?
What Do You Get If You Cross A Glow Worm With Beer?
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
What Do You Call A Handcuffted Man?
What Do You Call A Handcuffted Man?
Did You Hear About The Blind Man That Went Bungee Jumping?
Did You Hear About The Blind Man That Went Bungee Jumping?
Its So Easy To Milk A Cow
Its So Easy To Milk A Cow
Why Do Only 10% Of Men Go To Heaven?
Why Do Only 10% Of Men Go To Heaven?
Sign Of A Drinking Problem
Sign Of A Drinking Problem
Why is it best to park your car near the moon?
Why is it best to park your car near the moon?
What happens if you get too hot at a football match?
What happens if you get too hot at a football match?
whats brown,has eyes,no ears and no hair?
whats brown,has eyes,no ears and no hair?
Two Peanuts Walk Into A Bar
Two Peanuts Walk Into A Bar
Whats The Difference Between Chopped Beef And Pea Soup?
Whats The Difference Between Chopped Beef And Pea Soup?
I went to a mate's wedding and whispered to a bloke next to me,
I went to a mate's wedding and whispered to a bloke next to me, " The bride is a right dog " " Do you mind? That's my daughter you're talking about, "...
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if  I could take her home, her face lit up, she smiled and said yes.
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if  I could take her home, her face lit up, she smiled and said yes.
Two oranges roll into a bar.What does one say to the other?
Two oranges roll into a bar.What does one say to the other?
A cement mixer collied with a prison van on the kingston bypass
A cement mixer collied with a prison van on the kingston bypass
What did the maggot say to another?
What did the maggot say to another?
what do you call cheese thats not yours?
what do you call cheese thats not yours?
What is the smartest blonde?
What is the smartest blonde?
Whats the difference between a camera and a sock?
Whats the difference between a camera and a sock?
How do you get a tissue to dance?
How do you get a tissue to dance?
Why was the employee fired from the orange factory?
Why was the employee fired from the orange factory?
How do you make holy water ?
How do you make holy water ?
If at first you dont succeed
If at first you dont succeed
What did the baby corn say to mama corn?
What did the baby corn say to mama corn?
Wife--Theres something praying on my mind
Wife--Theres something praying on my mind
Mother Superior calls the nuns together and says
Mother Superior calls the nuns together and says "we have a case of gonorrhea in the convent".
Girls are like mobiles
Girls are like mobiles
What washes up on tiny beaches?
What washes up on tiny beaches?
What do you call a pig that does karate?
What do you call a pig that does karate?
What do you get if you cross a tyrannosauras rex with fireworks?
What do you get if you cross a tyrannosauras rex with fireworks?
Why coudn't draculars wife get to sleep?
Why coudn't draculars wife get to sleep?
What is a sharks favorite ilegal substance?
What is a sharks favorite ilegal substance?
Why do milking stools only have 3 lwgs?
Why do milking stools only have 3 lwgs?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who gets into a fight with his cat?
Why woudnt the shrimp share its treasure?
Why woudnt the shrimp share its treasure?
Want to know the joke about butter?
Want to know the joke about butter?
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
Why did the elephants get kicked out of the public pool?
Why was the sand wet?
Why was the sand wet?
What do you do with a sick boat?
What do you do with a sick boat?
What did the mother buffalo say when her son went to collage?
What did the mother buffalo say when her son went to collage?
What type of music do mummies listen to?
What type of music do mummies listen to?
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but a saran wrap walked into his office?
What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but a saran wrap walked into his office?
who helps batman.
who helps batman.
How does a lion like his meat?
How does a lion like his meat?
What was beethovens fav fruit?
What was beethovens fav fruit?
What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?
What do you call a man with no arms or legs playing in the leaves?
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clown fish?
What did one shark say to the other while eating a clown fish?
What kind of flower is in your face?
What kind of flower is in your face?
Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm
What do you do with a epilectic lettuce?
What do you do with a epilectic lettuce?
Two fish in a tank one says to the other
Two fish in a tank one says to the other
How does a octopus go to war?
How does a octopus go to war?
How did darthvader know what luke got him for xmas?
How did darthvader know what luke got him for xmas?
What kind of horses go out after dusk?
What kind of horses go out after dusk?
What do calenders eat?
What do calenders eat?
Why did the cookie cry?
Why did the cookie cry?
What do you call a ponys cough?
What do you call a ponys cough?
Snow eh! the weather girl just said she was expecting 8 inches 2night. I thought to myself,
Snow eh! the weather girl just said she was expecting 8 inches 2night. I thought to myself, "she'll be lucky,,,,,
Gary Glitter has applied for the England Manager joib, he applied as soon as he heard two of the players were.....
Gary Glitter has applied for the England Manager joib, he applied as soon as he heard two of the players were.....
Due to the bad weather this winter, the government has suggested that if you go on a journey you should take with you, a blanket, a shovel, extra warm...
Due to the bad weather this winter, the government has suggested that if you go on a journey you should take with you, a blanket, a shovel, extra warm...
What did the grape say after the elephant sat on him?
What did the grape say after the elephant sat on him?
What did one hat say to the other?
What did one hat say to the other?
What do skeletons say before they eat?
What do skeletons say before they eat?
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
What do you get if you cross bambi with a ghost?
What do you get if you cross bambi with a ghost?
Whats a haunted chicken?
Whats a haunted chicken?
What has 75 balls and screws you?
What has 75 balls and screws you?
Why do guys get their best ideas in bed?
Why do guys get their best ideas in bed?
Whats the biggest mouse in the world?
Whats the biggest mouse in the world?
what would happen if you merged dire straits with chris rea??
what would happen if you merged dire straits with chris rea??
Whats the best ship?
Whats the best ship?
Whats the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
Whats the difference between a bachelor and a married man?
For sale one parachute
For sale one parachute
 What has four legs but can't walk?
 What has four legs but can't walk?
why did the turtle cross the road?
why did the turtle cross the road?
Teacher;Do you know the importance of a period?
Teacher;Do you know the importance of a period?
Whats the definition of mistress?
Whats the definition of mistress?
Old is when
Old is when
What goes up but never comes down?
What goes up but never comes down?
What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
What do you say to a cow on her birthday?
What do you call a woman with only 1 leg?
What do you call a woman with only 1 leg?
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool?
What is the loudest state?
What is the loudest state?
What do ducks eat?
What do ducks eat?
What did the loch ness monster say to his friend?
What did the loch ness monster say to his friend?
What do you get if you cross a fashion designer with a sea monster?
What do you get if you cross a fashion designer with a sea monster?
wat do you call a nun with a washine machine on her head???????????????????? sistermatic
wat do you call a nun with a washine machine on her head???????????????????? sistermatic
If you think nobody cares if your alive
If you think nobody cares if your alive
Police recruit asked what he would do if he had to arrest his Mum
Police recruit asked what he would do if he had to arrest his Mum
I had a depressed mate once....
I had a depressed mate once....
a man went to the doctor,
a man went to the doctor, "doctor, doctor, i keep thinking i am a pair of curtians!"
2 crisps walking down the street taxi pulls up do you want a lift the crisps say no we walkers
2 crisps walking down the street taxi pulls up do you want a lift the crisps say no we walkers
a man walks into a bar
a man walks into a bar
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
I thought you were trying to get into shape?
In what way are chopped mutton and pea soup different?
In what way are chopped mutton and pea soup different?
A man goes to the doctor,
A man goes to the doctor, "Doctor, doctor, it hurts when i hold my right arm in the air"
A MAN WAS IN JAIL AND HE WANTED TO GET OUT SO HE USED THE TRADITIONAL WAY OF DIGGING A TUNNEL
A MAN WAS IN JAIL AND HE WANTED TO GET OUT SO HE USED THE TRADITIONAL WAY OF DIGGING A TUNNEL
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BIRD THATS OUT OF BREATH?
WHAT DO YOU CALL A BIRD THATS OUT OF BREATH?
why did the monkey fall out the tree
why did the monkey fall out the tree
Arnie recieved no eggs for easter,his friends said are you disappointed?
Arnie recieved no eggs for easter,his friends said are you disappointed?
why did your sister cut a hole in her umberella?
why did your sister cut a hole in her umberella?
A police recruit was asked what  he would do if he had to arrest his own mother, he replied.....
A police recruit was asked what  he would do if he had to arrest his own mother, he replied.....
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. only one but....
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. only one but....
why is the mushroom always happy
why is the mushroom always happy
what do you call a dog with no legs
what do you call a dog with no legs
Iwent to the pub last night, there was a fat girl dancing on a table.
Iwent to the pub last night, there was a fat girl dancing on a table.
what day do eggs dread?
what day do eggs dread?
What do you call a cat who tells jokes?
What do you call a cat who tells jokes?
What do you get if you cross a bee with a rabbit?
What do you get if you cross a bee with a rabbit?
What has eighteen legs and two tits
What has eighteen legs and two tits
Why did god invent man
Why did god invent man
what do gay men refer hemorrhoids as
what do gay men refer hemorrhoids as
There were three men on a boat with 4 cigarettes but,no matches,how do they get to have a smoke?
There were three men on a boat with 4 cigarettes but,no matches,how do they get to have a smoke?
doctor says to a lady, i have some good news and bad news.
doctor says to a lady, i have some good news and bad news.
why did the toliet roll, roll down the hill
why did the toliet roll, roll down the hill
What do you call a lady magician?
What do you call a lady magician?
whats the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
whats the best part of having a homeless girlfriend?
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
What do you call a rabbit with fleas?
How is a snail stronger than an elephant?
How is a snail stronger than an elephant?
what is a cat's favourite motto?
what is a cat's favourite motto?
why have women got small feet
why have women got small feet
what did daddy tomatoe say to his son?
what did daddy tomatoe say to his son?
I met a blole who pulls up the back of peoples pants :)
I met a blole who pulls up the back of peoples pants :)
What do rodents say when playing bingo?
What do rodents say when playing bingo?
What do vampires play bingo with?
What do vampires play bingo with?
why did the chicken cross the road.
why did the chicken cross the road.
1 out of 7 people gamble
1 out of 7 people gamble
i make those metal bits that hold up umberellas
i make those metal bits that hold up umberellas
i make those metal bits that hold up umberellas
i make those metal bits that hold up umberellas
i think the only thing keeping me from going insane
i think the only thing keeping me from going insane
ive just borrowed a book on surgery from the library
ive just borrowed a book on surgery from the library
Was at a wedding recently & the preacher told everyone to stand next to the one that made your life worth living...
Was at a wedding recently & the preacher told everyone to stand next to the one that made your life worth living...
I Liked Chelseas game plan,Get John Terry sent off and then all the Baecelona players are too busy worrying if it's...
I Liked Chelseas game plan,Get John Terry sent off and then all the Baecelona players are too busy worrying if it's...
vodka has gone up to £25
vodka has gone up to £25
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
0 to 200 in 6 seconds
A Really Bad Day
A Really Bad Day
What do the donkeys at blackpool beach get for their lunch?
What do the donkeys at blackpool beach get for their lunch?
why did the mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
why did the mexican throw his wife off a cliff?
wine
wine
need a bed
need a bed
muffins
muffins
sheep
sheep
The Voice
The Voice
what is the fruitiest lesson?
what is the fruitiest lesson?
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